All I'll Ever Need

“I imagine myself growing old with you, and for once in my life, it gives me something to look forward to once I retire from hockey.”

I laid in bed, with Zoey nestled on the bed beside me, staring up at the ceiling with my eyes fully open, my mind fully alert.

It was far too late—or early, I should say—for me to be awake, but I couldn’t get Sidney’s words out of my head, his words I hadn’t comprehended at first. When he called from his hotel in DC and acted awkward, nervous, I realized I had missed something.

And when I realized what I missed, I couldn’t actually believe it. How had I let myself get so concerned with something that wasn’t really my business that I didn’t notice something so important that was my business?

Sidney imagined himself growing old with me . . . retiring from hockey and enjoying a life with me.
For him, there was no end. There was no losing each other.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face and an image of Sidney and me, sitting on the porch in our rocking chairs, in my mind. It was the first time I felt peaceful when Sidney wasn’t beside me, and I loved it.

Maybe he wouldn’t be beside me every night, but he would be beside me the rest of the journey of life . . . assuming nothing changed us and we didn’t change or grow apart.

Stop, Mika. Just stop.

The Pens won against the Capitals, three to two, and I crashed immediately once the game was over. I had many alarms set so I would get to pick Sidney up. This time, I made him promise to call if they got home early.

The alarm came far too soon considering how late I had gotten to sleep the night before, but I knew I could sleep a little more once Sidney was back. I pulled myself out of bed and threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of Sid’s Penguins hoodies, slipped into my fuzzy boots, and headed out the door. I nearly forgot to turn the alarm off, but I remembered just in time.

Sidney and Geno were waiting by Geno’s Porsche when I pulled up, but Geno was loading his bags into his trunk, so they hadn’t been there long.

I put the car in park and hopped out. Sidney was already saying his goodbyes and heading to open the trunk, but I beat him to it.

He gave me a huge smile when his eyes landed on me. “Hey, gorgeous. You look tired.”

I made a face. “I got, like, zero sleep the past couple days. My own stupidity, though.”

He frowned. “Why didn’t you sleep? It’s really not good for you.”

I shrugged. “Had some things on my mind.”

“If you hadn’t gotten sleep the night before, you should’ve let me get a ride from Geno,” Sid sighed. “It’s not a big deal, Mika. He doesn’t care. We take each other places all the time.”

I shook my head. “I wanted to see you.”

A huge smile pulled across his lips, and he quickly put his bag in the trunk. “Well, okay then. How about we get home and get some much needed rest?”

When he closed the trunk, I threw my arms around his torso. He quickly reciprocated and buried his face in my hair. His body was warm against the night time air, but I could feel my heart racing a mile a millisecond pressed so close to him.

I wondered if he felt it, too.

He broke up the hug with a soft kiss on the top of my head. “Come on, sweetheart. You’re shivering. Let’s get home.”

As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t sleep in. Matty had rehab, and I had class. I didn’t get up in time to look presentable—though, really, I didn’t give two shits if I looked good for anyone else or not—so we were all walking out the door thirty minutes before I had to be at class.

Suzie came too for, ya know, moral support. Those two didn’t say anything to each other, but I knew it would take some adjusting. I left them alone and carried on as if nothing had happened.

The idea of Suzie and Matty was growing on me, though. Really, it would be amazing if it all worked out. Sure, if it ended in disaster, it wouldn’t be good, but I could handle it.

As Sidney parked next to the kinesiology building, I gathered my binder and pencil, and I prepared to get out. He leaned back against his seat and waited for me to look at him, but I could see there was something he wanted to say.

So before climbing out, with the door partially open, I looked over at him. “Yes?”

He put one hand underneath my chin as a loving smile pulled across his lips. “We’ll be here waiting after class. Don’t piss him off too bad, alright?”

My nose scrunched. “I hope not, but no promises. It’s only review before our test next week, so I should be alright.”

He laughed and pressed his lips softly against my forehead. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.” And I hopped out with ease and didn’t look back. Looking back would make me wish I didn’t have to get out even more than I already did, so I kept my gaze on the door and forced myself through it. This was what I had to do for Matty and myself, to take care of us.

This was what I wanted to do with my life . . . help those who needed help.

Class was utterly boring. I had already studied for the test, so I knew all the answers for the review. If he didn’t have such a strict attendance policy, I probably would’ve just skipped and went to rehab with Matty. Instead, I was stuck in that boring room while people around me who didn’t care as much about this class as they should frantically clung to every word and hint he gave us so they might stand a chance at pulling out a seventy.

I listened and took notes, but I wasn’t as worried as they were. For once, I felt ready for the test—though I would definitely need to find time to study as much as I could during the week—because with every question he asked, I was able to quickly come up with an answer.

When class was dismissed, I was the first one out the door, and once again, the Range Rover was waiting for me when I got outside. Maybe I should’ve expected there to be milkshakes inside, but I really hadn’t.

I also wasn’t expecting Matty and Suzie to be cutting up in the backseat, but Suzie was laying on Matty while they laughed along with Sidney at something that was said.

I eyed all of them as if they were ghosts, though I tried to act casual. They didn’t notice at first, until their laughter died, but when they did, everyone just looked confused.

“What’s up with you, weirdo?” Suzie asked, though she let out another chuckle. “You missed the bumper sticker.”

I didn’t really know what to say without saying, “You guys aren’t awkward around each other!” so instead I shrugged and picked up the cookie dough milkshake. “Mmm. So, I’ve gotta get ready for whatever you have planned.”

Sidney laughed. “Come on, Mika. It’s nothing big. You can just wear what you have on.”

I pursed my lips. “Will you tell me what it is?”

“If I told you, that’d ruin the surprise,” he laughed. “Come on. We’re headed there now, so Suz? Blindfold her, please.”

“Wh—” I didn’t even get the word out before something wrapped around my eyes, tightly I might add, and made it very dark. “Oh, come on!”

I could hear them all laughing, but no one said a word. The music softly played so there was no silence, but really, there was only the road. I tried to imagine where we were with each turn made, but I had no idea. Though I had lived in Pittsburgh all my life, I couldn’t guess where we were to save my life.

I knew when we arrived, though, because the Range Rover shifted into park, and everyone began climbing out. The blindfold was still wrapped around my head, but I didn’t take it off. Instead, I waited for Sidney to give me the okay because as much as I hated surprises, I wasn’t gonna spoil his chance to surprise me.

Sidney took the blindfold off, and I saw his front yard behind him. He must’ve enjoyed how confused I was because a devious smirk grew on his face, and I felt the urge to glare at him. I didn’t, however, because curiosity was getting the better of me.

“Why did you blindfold me to take me to your house?” I asked.

He just laughed. “Do you remember how we met? Rather unconventionally, I’ll admit, but it’s definitely a story we’ll laugh about later.”

I smirked. “Hey, I wasn’t the idiot in the scenario, so I’m already laughing.”

“I am seriously never gonna live that down,” he groaned. “But, my original plan for today got changed. Instead, it’s gonna happen here. Look, Mika, we met in such a chaotic and crazy way, and things haven’t really changed. There have been ups and downs, and struggles along the way, but right now, I couldn’t imagine there was anything in the world that could make my life better right now.”

I didn’t notice the tears that had formed until I felt the rolling down my cheeks, and I think Sidney was about to cry too. What was it that was going on?

Was . . . was he about to ask me on a date?!

My heart was soaring as the idea and possibility surged through my head, and I got out of the Range Rover with an eager smile on my face. “I couldn’t imagine anything either.”

His lips pressed together. “Well . . . I guess when we finally get the chance to go out, that’ll be better.”

I think my heart died a little, but it was hard to get upset. As happy as Sidney was, I knew this must be big, so I decided to think positively and let my curiosity come back out again.

He took my hand and led me around the Range Rover, and what I saw sitting in the driveway put it all into perspective.

Holy shit. Sidney got me a car.