Status: This is for Brinlee, so I hope you guys enjoy, too! :)

All I'll Ever Need

05. Friends

The rest of the week went about the same way as the first couple of days. Sidney called every night after practice, even when practice turned into games. He made sure to check up on me, made sure I was okay.

The more I thought about it, the less it made sense. Even after he was reassured that I was totally fine, no setbacks from the wreck, he still called. He still checked up on my family, who he had never even met. I didn’t get it, and thinking about it only confused me more.

I decided to stop thinking about it. If Sidney wanted to care about me, that was his own idiocy. Surely once he got back to Pittsburgh we’d disappear out of each other’s lives. The thought stung . . . and I knew it shouldn’t. Sidney and I hadn’t had a good conversation face-to-face, but his genuine concern for me was touching. Even when we weren’t talking about me or my problems, he was beyond easy to talk to about anything. The other night, we talked about my favorite color and style of house shoes. Why? Because he told me he had on bunny slippers to keep his feet warm.

It was just . . . like talking to my best friend, someone I had known forever. A part of me didn’t want things to end when he got back from Sochi, but it was for the best. We lived in separate worlds, and to be honest, I didn’t really need anyone else in my world. The more people I cared about, the more I put myself out there to get hurt.

My usual run was polluted with Valentine’s Day lovers taking a romantic stroll through the park, snuggled so close together that I could slip by them with ease. On most occasions, I ran during the sunset so it was never too dark out, but tonight, Dad had complications. For a minute, I thought he was finally gonna go, but he didn’t.

That’s why I decided to go on a run anyways. To be honest, I probably would’ve done it if he had finally passed because runs always cleared my head. The music that played through the ear buds covered all bad thoughts and brought me to a place where I could be content. I could feel happy like the people around me seemed to be.

Especially tonight. Gag.

Girls with balloons or oversized stuffed animals holding onto their boyfriends like their lives depended on it . . . as much as I pretended to hate it, I was a bit jealous. It wasn’t that they had a date on Valentine’s Day because, to be honest, I found the holiday to be hurtful. Sure, it made some people happy when people brought them flowers and chocolate, but why did there have to be a day for that? Couldn’t they do that spontaneously?

And then there was the other side—what about those people who didn’t have someone? I wasn’t one to be envious of the people in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, and maybe it wasn’t that they were in a relationship that I was jealous anyways.

It was more along the lines of they were in a position in life where a relationship was a good thing. They could be in a relationship without it putting them in a position of complete vulnerability.

Then again, maybe I was being presumptuous. Maybe these people didn’t need to be in a relationship but were because it made them feel good, because they felt as if they had to be.
I didn’t really know, but I liked to think people’s lives were better than mine. It was comforting to have that thought.

Maybe that was why I loved talking to Sidney so much. Unlike everyone else in my life, his life was better. With Suzie, Chuck was bad for her life. She had a chance to be free but refused to take it because she was one of those people that thought a relationship gave her value.

A relationship didn’t give you value if there wasn’t anything in your relationship worth value. Chuck was a worthless piece of shit who did nothing but abuse her in every way possible. She put up with it because “he only does it when he’s drunk.”

It didn’t matter when he did it. The facts were, he did it, and she wasn’t a bad person when she wasn’t with him. Chuck not only abused her, but he destroyed who she was. When with him, she was lifeless and cared about nothing, especially not herself.

The reason I knew it was Chuck was because . . . a few months ago, he went on a “business trip” for a week in Chicago, and she stayed with us so she wasn’t alone.

That week, she was the same best friend I first met, the one who threw dirt in the eyes of the bitch who kicked down my sand castle at the playground the first day of kindergarten.

As soon as he got back, she went back to the Chuck Suzie. An emotionless and careless bitch who just wanted to get high.

Maybe it was time to cut strings with her, too. Matty, and now Sidney, was the only person in my life who wasn’t toxic. Right now, Suzie, Chuck, and Dad were. All they ever did was criticize me and bring me down, so maybe if I wanted life to get better, I needed to cut strings.

Well, with Dad, it wouldn’t be long before he cut the string himself.

My music stopped, out of nowhere, and my phone began vibrating on my arm. I knew it was Sidney before I even looked, so I stopped and leaned back against a nearby tree to catch my breath as I answered.

“Hello?”

“Well, hello,” he laughed. “You sound breathless. You okay?”

I pressed my finger against my throat to attempt to check my pulse. “Uh, yeah. Just out for a run.”

“Hasn’t the sun set there?” he asked. “You need to be careful, Mika. There are a lot of bad people in Pittsburgh at night.”

I knew that all too well, but I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and took a deep breath. “Yeah, but I’m okay. I’m in a pretty crowded place. The park is such a romantic place for valentines to walk.” Even though he couldn’t see it, I rolled my eyes as I started to laugh.

He laughed, too. “Right. Shouldn’t you be getting home to your valentine?”

“Mr. Hershey’s Drops and Mr. Mountain Dew can wait,” I snorted. “Running’s about all the exercise I get, so it’s kinda important that I keep it routine.” I paused for a few moments to catch my breath some more. “So which Victoria’s Secret model is your valentine?”

There was a longer pause on his end that was really surprisingly coming from Sidney. He usually made some sort of noise to go along with whatever he was feeling, but he was silent.

It was uncomfortable, so uncomfortable I started kicking the dirt below my feet around to distract myself from it.

“I . . . I’m not like other hockey players, Mika,” he finally said. “That’s not who I am.”

Oh. He thought I meant . . . .

“No, Sid, I didn’t mean it like that,” I insisted. “I just meant, you could have any of those gorgeous women you wanted. You could have your pick. I’m sure there’s probably a line of ‘em somewhere waiting for you, so it just wouldn’t surprise me if you were dating, like, the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Now, he loosened up a bit and let out a nervous laugh. “I, uh, I’m not dating anyone, but if it counts, I’m on the phone with the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“How are you—oh,” I said, and I found myself out of breath again. This time, it wasn’t because I had just stopped running. This time, it was because my heart was pounding so fast my lungs forgot how to function. “Aw, Sid, that’s . . . that’s completely inaccurate, but really sweet.”

“Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion,” he said, which he followed with the signature Sidney laugh that always brought a smile to my face. “So how are you doing? Still not feeling any aftermath from the wreck?”

“Sidney, it’s been over a week,” I reminded him. “You don’t have to keep calling me every day to check up on me. If something happens to the Range Rover, I’ll make sure you know, but if anything was gonna go wrong with me, it would’ve by now. I’m fine.”

“Maybe I’m not calling because I have to,” he said.

Once again, I didn’t really know how to respond to that. Sidney had a way with words that was accidental and adorable, and whatever he said always came from the heart, whether he meant to say it or not.

“Well then why are you calling?”

His laugh wasn’t the usual Sidney laugh but instead a nervous breath that pushed through his lips. “Maybe I’m calling because I want to—t-that is i-if it’s okay with you. I mean, I’d hate to bug you or anything.”

This was it, the moment where I had to decide. If I told him to stop calling . . . he would, and where would that leave me?

Sad . . . because sometimes, when things weren’t so great and I didn’t wanna keep pushing through the day, I remembered that Sidney was probably gonna call, and for the thirty minutes to two hours we talked, I was happy. Happy enough that I imagined if my life was at a place I could be in a relationship, that’s what it would be like.

A week of nightly phone conversations made me feel comfortable with Sidney, comfortable enough that I felt he deserved a place in my life, and maybe it was time I branched out. Maybe it was time to make the second good person in my life a permanent person—temporary permanent, at least, until he realized I was correct in saying he didn’t wanna be friends with someone like me.

I swallowed the lump growing in my throat and let the smile that wanted to pull across my lips come out. “No. You don’t bug me. I actually look forward to you calling.”

“That makes two of us.”

I laughed again when the rush of happiness surged through my body like a livewire. “Would you consider us friends?”

“Friends,” he said, elongating each syllable as he chewed on the thought. “Friends.”

“Yes,” I laughed. “Come on, Sid. Surely you know what a friend is.”

“I do,” he said, and he laughed. “I just . . . don’t know if I wanna say friends because what if we become more?”

His words dripped with fear and anxiety. Surely Sidney Crosby wasn’t worried about being rejected?

Then again, he wasn’t like most hockey players. He didn’t seem to think that he could just laugh his way to any girl’s heart, though I’m sure he probably could.

“Well, you’re assuming I can get over the hockey stench when you come in,” I said to try and lighten the mood.

It seemed to work because he laughed that boyish laugh again. “I could always, ya know, leave the gear by the door?”

“Then the entire house reeks,” I snorted. “No thanks. We’ll have a shed for it all.”

“So . . . you agree this could turn into more?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Right now, my life isn’t in a place where I can really think about a relationship right now. I mean, it’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy having someone, it’s just that with everything going on, I wouldn’t really have the time I needed to dedicate to a healthy relationship. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“I get what you’re saying, but I don’t think it’s right,” he informed me. “Whether with me or someone else, you shouldn’t keep yourself from being in a relationship because you have to care for your dad and brother.”

I knew he wouldn’t really get it, so I decided not to argue it anymore. “Maybe.”

“But, for now, I guess friend does kinda sum this up,” he decided. “I mean, friendship is the basis of any good relationship, right?”

He was dedicated, I had to hand that to him, and something about his dedication to become more than my friend was touching. Even though it would never happen as long as I had to care for Matty, I smiled at the idea of it. Mika Dixon with Sidney Crosby . . . .

Yeah, he was definitely too far out of my league for that to ever happen.
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The lyrics are from the song St. Patrick's Day by John Mayer. I don't really listen to him much because he's too depressing. Brinlee suggested this song, and hey, it fit. :)

Dear goodness, I'm enjoying this story. I have other stories I should probably be writing, but this story is just so much fun to write, and I just love the characters. :3 I hope you guys love it as much as I do. :)

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