In the Shallows

The next morning Daryl had moved himself back into his tent, it almost made me want to laugh at the fact that he had grown accustomed to sleeping outside with one eye open. I would have jumped at the idea of sleeping inside four walls, but no not Daryl. I sort of avoided his company throughout the morning and I felt horrible but I had to figure out the shit that had happened last night. I knew I liked him, of course I liked him. Growing up, he had been nothing but there for me, he'd risk his life to save me, we shared a special bond, and among other things. I'd be a fool not to have fallen for him. But there was one problem. I didn't want too.

This was the end of the world. There was no time for feelings like that, I had even confirmed my thoughts about it all by watching Lori, Rick, and Carl. I couldn't imagine having any more stress and worry about Daryl than I already did. I couldn't put us through that. Like he said, it was get us killed.

I had spent most of the morning in and out of his presence, trying to keep myself busy with little tasks. I had been just outside his tent going through my bag when Andrea had decided to give her apologies. I was still really pissed off and I didn't trust myself to fully have a conversation with with her. I rolled my eyes at the lame attempt to apologize, but Daryl stopped her short and explained that they were good. I almost laughed at his remark, among that playful tone lay a serious background.

"But, hey. Shoot me again and you'd best pray I'm dead."

I stood up just as she walked out, she glanced over towards me, giving me a slight smile but I just ignored her. I had really liked her in the beginning, I tried to be empathetic but then she just started getting bitchy. I understood that she wanted her gun back and that she wanted to be equipped but the constant whining was getting on my last nerve.

"Alex, I just want to apologize."

I scoffed, "Apologize for what?"

Andrea tucked a blonde curl behind her ear and then shoved her hands in her back pockets, she sucked in a huge breath, "I never thought I'd be in a fight with one of the most quietest people in this camp."

I stopped what I was doing, "A fight? This isn't a fight, Andrea. You shot Daryl." I chewed on my lip, squinting my eyes at her, "He can easily forgive you but I can't." I shook my head, throwing the rest of the things in my bag that I had sprawled out.

Andrea scoffed back, she shifted in her stance, her lips pursed as she gave me a look, "Well excuse me for trying to protect the camp-"

I gritted my teeth as I roughly tossed the bag on the ground, "-no." I walked up towards her, everyone around us were cautiously watching, unknowing whether or not they should stop me now or wait. I liked that feeling, I was unpredictable but that could have been a bad thing as well. I pointed at her, my finger coming into contact with her shoulder, "If you would have just fucking listened to everyone, this wouldn't have happened. In all in all, Andrea, what does it come down too? You. It was your fault. If it were to be a walker, we; the people who ran with weapons would have taken care of it. So step off your high horse, Andrea." I turned away from her, ignoring the glances from everyone.

"Don't think you're the only one who's suffering-"

I gave an annoyed chuckle, "-don't." I gave her a look, "I know this group has suffered loses. Believe me, I know." I took a deep breath and let it slow, "If you would have killed Daryl, that's his blood on your hands. Not a walkers." I crossed my arms, giving her one last look before I walked away, "I hope you savored the feeling of everyone brushing this off their shoulders because I won't forget this."

I had walked and sat down on a log a good few minutes outside the whole campground, I wasn't too far away but I wasn't nearly close enough in case a geek were to pop up randomly beside me to defend myself. But, I didn't care. I was too riled up. I had to calm myself down, after an episode like that, I didn't want people to be walking around on eggshells around me. That wasn't me back there, I would have never done that kind of thing if it weren't for this world. This apocalypse changed me, it was still changing me. I felt myself detaching from the old me, the quiet little mouse who was afraid to make her own decisions.

Apart of me was glad, I felt empowered with my own opinions but then I felt scared. Scared because I had been in this little cocoon my whole entire life and the things that I thought, things that I say, and things that I do; weren't things I would have done. It was like I was figuring out who I truly was but who I was becoming wasn't someone I was familiar with.

I jumped up when I heard rustling behind me, turning around and preparing myself to run, I sighed when it was only Lori, "Oh, hi."

Lori pressed a smile, she stuck her hands in her back pocket as she walked towards me, "How are you feeling?"

Shrugging, "Still angry," I sat back down on the log and watched as she joined me, "I keep telling myself internally that I shouldn't be so mad. Especially if Daryl forgave her," I swallowed hard, "but I can't."

Lori nodded, "I understand how you feel, Alex. When I met the man who shot Carl, I knew that I would never be able to forgive him. I'd be cordial, but I'd never forgive him." She grabbed my hands, "And then he died trying to save my little boy and all of a sudden, that anger was replaced with guilt. I had wished death upon that man and look where he's at," Lori softly gave a chuckle, "but that's besides the point. No one is blaming you. Everyone understands completely why you're so angry. I just wanted to let you know because the last thing we'd ever want is for you to feel like we're looking at you with wide eyes and rude thoughts."

I nodded back to her, staring at my hands in hers, my voice quivered, "Can I tell you something?" I watched as she nodded again, "Even though it wasn't me who got shot, I still saw my life flash before my eyes. I think apart of me knew that if Daryl was dead, I wouldn't make it as far as he would have wanted me too." I took in a deep breath, it felt so much better to reveal that.

Lori smiled a real genuine smile, "Oh Alex. Don't believe that for a second," She let go of my hands and placed a hand on my cheek, "you're stronger than you think you are. Like I said before, you're smart and you'd find a way to live."

"I guess." I looked away from her, causing her to drop her hand. I chewed on my bottom lip, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course, honey. I'll take it to my grave."

"I'm so in love, it hurts." I whispered, my face still forward, staring into the fields. "I'm trying so hard to fight it and I think I'm doing okay. But, what do I do when I can't fight it anymore." My voice was still low and if it weren't for her nodding, I would have sworn she didn't hear a word.

"Why would you fight it if it's mutual on both sides?"

I turned to look at her, my eyebrows knitting together, "What do you mean?"

Lori shrugged, "Call it a gut feeling or whatever, but the way he looks and cares for you; he loves you too. He doesn't seem like the kinda man who will say it out loud but I can see it. In fact, I think we all see it. That's why we're all so curious about the two of you. Clearly you love each other but yet it don't add up to why you all sleep in different tents and among other things." She rubbed my shoulder, "You two will realize it soon enough."

I shook my head, "But that's the thing. I don't want too."

She rose an eyebrow, "Why?"

My mouth twitched, "Cause it will be downfall of us. That's the last thing I want for him, for me."

"Love will always find a way, Alex. You can't hide from it. Hell, it brought Rick to us." She wiped away a stray tear, giving me another smile, "You can try and try to push it away but it will always come back and it'll come stronger and it'll be harder to fight. Trust me." She chuckled.

I gave a small smile, "I suppose." I looked down at my lap, "I just think this isn't the place or time. Maybe if the dead was walking around, but not now."

Lori nodded, she paused for a moment before uttering out, "Can I tell you a secret?" She waited for me answer yes and then she squeaked out, "I'm pregnant."

I gave her wide eyes, "What?" I couldn't believe what I had just heard, but I couldn't spend too much thinking about it because she was quick to add input.

"I-I don't know what to do. I'm going to send Glenn out on a run and I just-I can't bring another child into this world. I haven't even told Rick and my baby just got shot-how much more can my situation get anymore twisted?"

My mouth just hung open, holy mother of fuck. "Lori, what are you going to do?"

She looked away from me, "I only have two options."

"Two options? You can't be serious."

Lori frowned, "Give me one good reason why I should bring a defenseless baby into this equation? It's cries will be make us all walker bait and I'll be putting every single one of you in danger." Tears rolled down her face, "I can't-I just don't know what I'm going to do."

I chewed my lips, "It deserves a chance-"

"-Just like you and Daryl?" I clamped my mouth shut as soon as she said that, of course I would come off as a hypocrite, "It doesn't even matter, Alex. I don't know why to do and it felt good to just openly say it to someone. You can't tell anyone."

I nodded, "You're secrets safe with me."

Lori nodded back, she glanced back over at me, her hands grabbing mine again, "Can you promise me something?" I nodded, "If I have this baby and something goes wrong; you have to be one of the people to take care of it. "

I swallowed hard, my eyebrow raising, "Nothing's going to go wrong, okay? But, I promise." I smiled softly, maybe Lori was alright after all.