In the Shallows

"So how do we do this? Just take a vote?" Glenn asked. It felt ridiculous, all of us sitting in the living room about to take a tally on who wanted this kid dead or not. I felt kind of ridiculous being apart of it.

"Does it have to unanimous?"

Lori sighed, "How about majority rules?"

Rick butted in, his mind obviously scrambled and confused on where he stood. "Well, let's just see where everybody stands. Then we can talk through the options."

I glanced over towards Daryl who stood on my left against the wall, he gave me a slight shrug. We were still in the same boat, he didn't care and I didn't want to end his fate or ours. My head was brought in Shane's direction when he started to speak, "Well, where I sit, there's only one way to move forward."

"Killing him," Dale snapped, giving everyone a dirty look, "right? I mean why even take a vote, it's clear which way the win'd blowing."

Rick shrugged, "Well, if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know."

"Well I can tell you it's a small group," he sighed, "maybe just me and Glenn." His face sunk the second Glenn shook his head.

"Look, I think you're pretty much right about everything all the time, but this-"

"-they've got you scared!" He interjected.

Glenn sighed, "He's not one of us and we've-we've lost too many people already." He pointed towards me, his face full of reason, "Look what his group did to Alex. I'm sorry but I care way to much about the safety of this group now to worry about the what ifs." He looked down at his hands, "I care about all of you. I can't stand with you Dale. Not after what his friends did to Alex. You weren't there." He started to mumble, "You didn't see how they looked at her." I could feel Daryl stiffening but I gave him a reassuring look that I was okay.

Dale started to yell, his attention drawn to Maggie, "How about you? Do you agree with this?"

Maggie bit her lip, turning her head away, "Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?"

Daryl shook his head, "Just another mouth to feed."

Hershel agreed, "It may be a lean winter."

Lori added her input, "We could ration better."

"Well he could be an asset! Give him a chance to prove himself."

Glenn shrugged, "Put him to work?"

Rick shook his head and I kind of agreed with him, "We're not letting him walk around. Not after what his friends-"

"-oh come on!" Dale exclaimed, "You all need to stop blaming him for his friends mistakes. You don't know for sure that he will lay a finger on any of our woman."

I narrowed my eyes towards Dale, "And that's the problem. We don't know." I uncrossed my arms, letting it fall heavily to my sides, shaking my head, "I've been traumatized enough by men like the ones we met at the bar, I don't think mentally I can handle another one. And I sure as hell doubt any of you all would be able to handle it either," I looked around at the girls, "it's not a fun feeling." I gritted my teeth, I had never been open about being raped or anything like that.

Shane cleared his throat, "Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off and brings back his 30 men."

"So the answer is to kill him?" Dale spat, "To prevent a crime that he may never even attempt? If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead, there is no civilization."

Hershel sighed, "Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?"

Lori shook her head, her voice getting choked up, "You barely came back this time. There are walkers. You could break down. You could get lost."

"Or get ambushed." Daryl added.

I sighed, "They're right, we can't put anymore of you guys at risk. It's too dangerous and there's no way of telling if you do go and something goes bad."

Patricia spoke up, her voice so frail and fragile, "If you do go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?"

I made a noise in my throat as people started to list off ways to kill this kid and what to do with it when it was done and over with. It was until Dale started to yell again, "Whoa, hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided."

Daryl gave a soft groan, "You've been talking all day, goin' 'round in circles. You jus' wanna go 'round in circles again?"

"This is a young man's life! And it is worth more than a five minute conversation. Is this what it's come too? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him! And now look at us. He's been tortured and he's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people we're so afraid of?"

I chewed on my bottom lip as I started to walk towards the front door, turning around I sighed, "No matter how much you plead your case Dale, it's gonna be the same answer." Another sigh escaped my lips as I looked away from everyone, "So keep spinning in your circle, I'm done." And with that I walked out and headed for the camp, I couldn't be apart of it anymore. I wanted so badly to side with Dale, I really did but the thought of him getting his men scared me more. I sat in one of the camping chairs and pondered on the what ifs.

I had hardly realized how long I had been sitting there because the moment I snapped out of my thoughts was when I realized that night had fallen. I looked around me as everyone had blank stares and unnerving movements. They had turned into zombies themselves and it was quite sad that none of us had the decency to really express what we were truly feeling. Dale was right, it was the survival of the fittest. At the same time he couldn't expect a world full of zombies and monsters to be civil, we had to survive, that was our main goal.

I noticed Carl off in the distance walking towards the barn, squinting my eyes and wondering where Lori was. I looked around me but couldn't find her around, getting up from my chair, I sprinted towards Carl. He had entered the barn and I heard his voice ring out, "Do it, dad. Do it."

I quickly caught up to him, "Carl!" My eyes were met with Shane, Rick, and Daryl standing in the barn with Randall on his knees. My stomach dropped, as Shane marched forward and started mouthing off to Carl. My insides felt all squeamish, it did feel kind of wrong to have saved and repaired his leg only to execute him. I watched as Rick hesitated and lower his gun, his mouth tight and his words clear as day.

"Take him away. Take him away."

Daryl sighed, picking up the kid, he walked past me but not before giving me a slight look of empathy. I followed slowly behind him as he took Randall back to the other barn. Once he had chained him up, he walked out, his eyes raised as he saw me leaning against the barn, "What's up?"

I shrugged, kicking off the barn as we slowly made our way back to the camp, "Is it wrong that I want him to live and die?"

He shook his head, "No. But it ain't right neither."

I stopped walking and looked at him, my eyes scanning over his face, the lantern he held his hand illuminated half of his facial features and to me it was kind of attractive. Daryl always had this mysterious aura around him. "What do you think we'd be doing right now if this world wasn't crazy?"

Daryl scoffed, "Ya already asked me this."

I stepped closer towards him, I could feel his breath hitch in his throat, "I mean you and I. Would we still be acting like there's nothing between us?"

"Lex," he started, his adam's apple bobbing thickly in his throat, "I already told ya. This world-"

"-I know what you said. I'm not talking about now, I'm talking about if this whole apocalypse never happened."

He shrugged, "Dunno. Merle wouldn' like it."

I rolled my eyes, "Fuck Merle, Daryl."

"Dunno, Lex. Alotta' things coulda' happened by now."

I raised an eyebrow, "Like?"

He sighed, "Man, I dunno, Lex. Jus' things."

I crossed my arms, "Come on, give me an example. I'm not asking you to solve world hunger."

Daryl gave me a long look, his voice low and rough, "Always wanted to prove I was better than my father and Merle."

I tilted my head a little, my eyes squinting slightly, my mouth twitched, "Would you do it the right way?"

He groaned, walking a little, pushing into me, "God, Lex. Why ya houndin' me?" He turned around when I called out his name, "Yes. Yes I'd do it right, okay? I'd ask ya to marry me and than do it. But, it's not like that anymore. So just drop it."

I was about to respond, my heart was pounding out of my chest. I knew Daryl and I had a few things we had to work out along the lines as romance but the fact that he'd wanted to settle down with me before all this was terrifying to hear but also a relief. But, I was interrupted by the sounds of Dale screaming far off into the fields. We exchanged glances and then booked it to the noise.