In the Shallows

I had felt a constant string of butterflies fill my stomach every time those words repeated in my head, but, god I love you. I never thought I would ever hear those words even in the same sentence, I didn't think it was possible coming from his lips. I felt empowered by the thought of Daryl loving me. I felt really childish though, I was so caught up in this-this thing that it prevented my mind from focusing on what really and truly mattered. Where the hell were we gonna go?

Daryl and I had reached a certain point in our relationship that we couldn't come down from. We were stuck together more than we ever could be, we had to make it work. Before we had denied our feelings and sheltered what we felt and trained ourselves to believe in something different from what we were feeling. Now, the cards were strewn all over the table. I just had to prepare myself for the difficulties to come.

I always knew that once Daryl would fall in love someone, he would love them for the rest of his life. And that? That was me. It made my body feel numb, but in a good way. I couldn't profess how much I loved him, the words could spill on and on forever. I remember when we were younger and even probably now, he'd always have this mentality that no one would be able to love him, that no one would care about it, that no one in this world would ever treat him the way normal people were supposed to be treated. Well someone did and that someone would for the rest of her life.

A memory floated into my brain as I thought about it some more, it was after one of his father's relentless beatings, it had left him so broken and so upset. I swear that was the moment his abrasive, fuck the world, and shielded attitude started. I was young, that I did remember. Will had gone off yelling about how no one would love him and no one would care if he disappeared. I was off in the corner, staring with wide impressionable eyes. I knew that Daryl was a good person, I had thought Merle was too, regardless of him going in and out of Juvi. I remember I stood up, telling Mr. Dixon exactly what I thought about his little rant on his youngest son.

It didn't take much longer than a second after that he raised a hand on me too. One of the few moments that I didn't know when to keep my mouth shut. It was at that moment that I realized that not only did their father leave a huge mark physically and mentally on the Dixon brothers but on myself. I shook my head, thinking of what kind of man Daryl would be if Will Dixon wasn't such an ass.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when the truck's engine started to sputter, I focused on Rick, "Damn." He slammed his hand on the wheel.

Lori looked over at him, her eyes scanning him over, "What's wrong?"

He looked at Lori and then back at myself and Carl, "We've been riding red for the past hour."

T-Dog slung his arm over the arm rest, "Better make sure we don't get forgot." To conserve more gas, we had dumped the blue truck. T-Dog bunking with Lori, Carl, Rick, and myself. Carol insisting she ride with Daryl, which at this point didn't really bother me. Like I had said before, I hated riding that thing. Hershel, Glenn, Beth, and Maggie stayed in the SUV.

Rick honked, signaling the others that we needed to stop. Everyone got out of their vehicles and we all met up near the bike. Daryl stood hovered on his bike, "You out?"

He sighed, "Running on fumes."

Maggie walked around the car, her rifle locked and loaded as she looked around, "We can't stay
here."

Glenn whined, "We can't all fit in one car."

Rick looked around, "We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning."

Carol hugged herself, giving him a confused look, "Spend the night here?" She did have a point, I didn't like the idea of staying the night in such an open place.

Carl shivered, "I'm freezing."

Lori rubbed his chest, hugging him, "We'll build a fire, yeah?"

Daryl got of the bike, his hand clutching his bow, "You got out lookin' for firewood, stay close. Only got so many arrows. How you doin' on ammo?"

I bit my lip, "Not enough."

"We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out."

Hershel shot Maggie a dirty look, "What your mouth." It slightly made me smile at the thought of Hershel telling his daughter to watch what she says, but I held it back. This wasn't the time to smile or giggle. "Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick."

I turned away from Rick, keeping an eye out for any geeks, but my ears still perked when he started to speak, "All right, we'll set up a perimeter. In the morning, we'll find gas and some supplies. We'll keep pushing on."

Maggie piped up, her voice full of anticipation, "Glenn and I can go make a run now, try to scrounge up some gas."

"No, we stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car." He chewed on his lip while Glenn spoke up about being stranded already, "I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse, but at least we found each other. I wasn't sure-I really wasn't-but we did. We're together. We keep it that way." He took a pause, walking around, "We'll find shelter somewhere, there's gotta be a place."

Glenn sighed, "Rick, look around, okay? There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something."

"There's gotta be a place, not just where we hole up, but that we fortify, hunker down, pull ourselves together, build a life for each other." He stressed the life part and to be honest, it sounded too good to be true. I couldn't hold out hope anymore that we'd find a place. "I know it's out there, we just have to find it."

I was getting tired of everyone doubting Rick, no one else was stepping up to the plate of trying to figure something out. "Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened to the farm." Maggie's face said it all, she was scared and so were we, but questioning was not going to get us anywhere. "We fooled ourselves into thinking that was safe."

Hershel shook his head, "We won't make that mistake again."

"We'll make camp tonight, over there," he pointed towards a cluster of what looked like bricks and stones that had been set up for a camp ground. "Get on the road at the break of day."

Carol stepped forward, she looked at Daryl, "Does this feel right to you?" He gave her a weird look, a look that I couldn't read nor did I really care too.

Beth piped up, "What if walkers come through or another group like Randall's?

Rick was going to respond but I cut him off, "Enough!" Everyone exchanged astonished glances, I looked down, rubbing at the dried blood and dirt all over my arms, "Just-enough." I took in a deep breath, glancing at everyone, "All Shane did was question Rick's motives and instincts, look where we are now? Look." I gestured towards everyone, "We're alive. I don't care what Shane had in his head about him making this group safe, he may have had a hand in it, but Rick made all the right choices and moves. Granted some of them seemed like they weren't the right ones but look back to them now?" I sighed, "If we keep questioning and denying him the chance to keep us safe, we're no better than what Shane had done. I don't see anyone else stepping up, come on. Anybody else got a better idea?" I waited but all I heard was silence, "Exactly. So unless you're going to voice better options on what we can do right now, then I suggest you keep your negativity to yourselves. We need positive thinking and faith."

The group was dead silent for a few minutes, letting what I said sink in. It was amazing how much I had grown within the past few months. Before back during the campsite by the lake, I was just this quiet woman who didn't say a single word and now look at me. I had earned my place but I still felt like I needed to prove to these people that I was bigger asset than they thought. Daryl finally spoke up, nodding, "Lex is right." He paused, giving Rick a look, "You know I found Randall, right? He had turned, but he wasn't bit."

I raised an eyebrow, "Wait, how's that possible?" Everyone started exchanged worried glances.

Lori gave Rick a narrowed look, "Rick, what the hell happened?"

Daryl spoke up, "Shane killed Randall, jus' like he always wanted too."

"And the herd got him?"

Rick clenched his jaw, contemplating what to say or do, it wasn't until a moment later that he uttered out words I never wanted to hear in the same sentence, "We're all infected."

My mouth dropped slightly, my eyes bulging out of my head. Daryl and I at the same time replied back, "What?"

Rick gritted his teeth, looking away from all of us, "At the C.D.C., Jenner told me, whatever it is, we all carry it."

My mind went blank, nothing was making sense. What the heck did he mean but we all carried it? How was that possible? Was this some airborne disease? I couldn't make sense of anything and it was suddenly becoming a recurring thing. I wasn't dumb, intellectual wise, but this? This didn't make any god damn sense and all I wanted was for someone to explain what this world was. What it meant, what it was doing.

I had come back to my senses when I felt Daryl storm off, my eyes flickered towards Carol who gave him a longing look. It made my stomach wrench but that was the least of my concern. I quickly followed after him, my legs sprinting to catch up. My legs were burning at this point, so much running within the past few days. Eventually we were a little into the treeline, "Daryl," I said softly when he stopped.

His crossbow fell from his hand, his body tensing up as I approached him. "There ain't ever winnin' with this damn world, is there?"

I chewed on my lips as the leaves crunched with each step I took. I reached for his shoulder, tensing as my fingers skidded over it, "I don't know." I stepped a little closer, hugging him tightly from behind, "I don't know," I repeated, my voice faltering.

"I jus' dunno what to do." His shoulders heaved, spinning around, he placed his hands on my waist, pulling me close, "All I care 'bout now, is keepin' you safe. I can't do that if it's in all of us. I'm gonna lose my fuckin' head."

I was feeling a little lightheaded with all his movements towards me, it was enough to make any woman's knees weak. I trailed my hand over his dark hair, twirling the end in my fingers, "You always wanted to keep me safe."

Daryl's baby blues were piercing through mine, "Yeah," he said roughly, "but now I really can't lose you." He brought his lips towards mine, hovering, a growl escaping his lips, "Ya got inside my head and now I can't get ya out."

I leaned my forehead against his, my voice barely a whisper, "I love you."

An animalistic noise came from his throat as he pressed his lips against mine, it was a rush of excitement. His hand reached up and grabbed a fistful of my honey colored locks, his other hand still firmly on my waist. I had never felt so much lust in one kiss before and with his kisses, they were setting off fireworks in my body. He had made me stumble into a tree, his hand removing itself from the back of head back down to my waist. I pulled apart to gasp for air but his lips were glued to the crook of my neck, he growled out again, "I can't ever lose ya."