In the Shallows

Pain

We entered what seemed to be the laundry room, walking in after the prisoners with my knife spinning in between my middle finger and thumb, my eyes staring intently on the backs of their heads. I turned my head to find Daryl, Rick, and T following me shortly behind. Once we were satisfied with the quietness of the spacious room, T-Dog closed the door behind us.

Rick, Daryl, and I all stood in line, watching their every moves. Daryl tossed the keys at Thomas' feet, signaling him to open the locked door that was latched shut.

"I ain't opening that," he snarled.

Rick gave him a look that meant business, one that I hadn't really seen in awhile, it was the crazy kind of look that made me feel uncomfortable. It was the same look he had given Shane right before he made the stupid decision to kill him. "Yes, you are. If you want this cell block, you're gonna open that door. Just the one, not both of them. Because we need to control this."

He picked up the keys in a huff, his eyes trailing over our faces for one last confirmation. My heart thudded against my chest as he took his time unlocking the door, my stomach wrenching at the speed. I just wanted to get this over with, I wanted to just go back to the cells and just sit there and wallow in the pissed off mood I was in. I loved Daryl, I really did but sometimes I just wanted to stab him in the head. I didn't want to come, I was perfectly fine staying back and keeping an eye on things. I never asked for Rick to suddenly trust me in watching their backs, which by the way, if these prisoners were going to be stupid and try something dumb. I couldn't protect all three of them at the same time. I only had one pair of hands and one pair of eyes that could zero in on one situation at a time.

"You bitches ready?" Thomas asked, taking an extra long time staring me down. I heard Daryl growl out some profanities before he started to tug on the doors. My breath hitched when it didn't open the first few times. My eyes narrowed down at his arms, his elbows locked, prevented him to use the full extent of his power. I was just about to say something when he yanked on both doors, letting the geeks flood into the laundry room.

I cursed loudly as the group started to disperse in taking down the rotting corpses. I pulled out the long knife that I had slipped into my boot, tearing through the walkers like it was it my job. My eyes flickered towards Thomas as his hit came a little too close to Rick's throat, I growled as I watched him push a walker into Rick. I quickly took my knife and slashed one in half, making it keel over. I rushed towards Rick, pushing my knife far enough to kill the son of a bitch but not enough for it come into contact with Rick's chest, pulling the walker off of him, I turned back around just in time to take out one that was coming in hot.

I watched as Daryl helped Rick up, his expression reading nothing but anger at this point. Thomas shrugged, "It was coming at me, bro."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it," Rick's jaw locked, he gave that psycho look again, "shit happens." Before Rick or anyone for the matter had the chance to react, I felt a pair of sticky warm hands grab at my waist, pulling me close against his chest. I snarled, "Get the fuck off of me!"

Thomas chuckled, "I don't think so," he inhaled deeply, "you know, even for this world, you sure smell good."

Daryl placed his bow against his head, "Let her go." I could hear the desperation underneath the anger, "I said let her go."

I struggled against his grip, he was far to strong for me and in the midst of him grabbing me, my weapon had fallen to the ground. I stared back at the eyes that looked a mixture of horror and confusion. I locked eyes with Rick, his blue eyes piercing their way through me, I knew he was going to blame himself like he did at the bar with Dave. I felt the ice cold blade leave my pocket as it scraped against my hip and up towards my side. He pressed it hard against my ribs, I could feel it breaking skin as he tore through my shirt, I yelped out.

"Don't go do doing something stupid, now." Thomas chuckled, his arm wrapped tightly against my arms that were held against my chest, "You shoot me in the head and your girl friend's going to feel the pain of what it's like to be stabbed."

I took a deep breath, hoping that whatever crazy thing I had brewing in my head was going to work. I felt his other hand grope through my hands to find my bra, his breath hitting my neck as he whispered a few words that I didn't like. I gave Rick a look I had given him back at the bar, signaling to him that this was my kill not anyone else's. He took my hint, backing up slowing, he gave T and Daryl a look too. Confusing the prisoners and Thomas, inhaling deeply and biting hard on my life. I dropped to my knees with such force, I felt my knees ache and a searing burn slide up my side. Quickly I slide my legs fast around me to knock him over, my breath was shaky and I was blinded with rage, my hand ripped the knife from his and I jammed it into his forehead.

Tears pricking my eyes as my hands kept repeating the same motion, blood flying everywhere, onto my face, into my eyes, my mouth, everywhere. I cried out when I felt a strong pair of hands pull me away, my body shook with the realization of acting like a complete psychopath but in my defense, the touching and groping brought back a lot of unwanted memories. My hands trembled, my eyes adjusting to who was holding me back, I screamed, "Don't!"

Daryl jumped back, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion, he reached out for me again, "Don't!" I scrambled up, my hands signaling him to stay back, "Just don't!" My chest heaved, I looked down at my hands, my throat clenching, my mind spinning. I didn't know what to do with my hands that were soaked in someone else's blood, I kept stretching them out and pulling them back into fist, wanting to scream. I winced as the burning pain resurfaced on my side, looking down, I hissed at the gash that profusely bled.

"Lex-"

"-stop!" I cried, shaking my head, my eyes pricking with tears again, "Just stop." My breathing was ragged as I closed my eyes, trying to compose myself. They snapped open when I heard footsteps leaving the room with Rick hot on his trail.

If it wasn't for the insanity and the intense anxiety that was pulsing through my veins, I almost would have felt half guilty for the look of confusion and hurt that was evident on his face. Daryl quickly snapped back to his old self, "Man, get down on your knees." He growled, aiming his bow towards Oscar.

He obliged, slowly descending down on his knees as Axel sputtered out, "We don't have no affiliation to what just happened." He leaned towards me but T warned him to say put, "I would never hurt a woman like you, you're so pretty and you seem nice." He trembled over T-Dog's words to 'shut the hell up', "I promise! Tell him, Oscar!"

Oscar shook his head, with his hands in the air, his jaw clenched, "Stop talking, man."

In just a few long agonizing minutes later, Rick returned without Andrew, I winced again and turned around to sit against the wall. Still ignoring Daryl's pleas to let him touch me, I swatted his hand away as I hissed from the contact I made with he concrete ground. I wiped my hands on my blood spattered jeans but I only seemed to have made it worse. I leaned my head against the wall as I listened to Rick's temper roll off his tongue.

"We didn't have nothing to do with that," Oscar claimed.

"You didn't know?" Rick growled, "You knew. Daryl, let's end this now." He spun around and aimed his gun towards Axel.

"Sir, sir, please, you gotta listen to me please! It was then that was bad, it wasn't us."

Rick snarled, "Oh, that's convenient." The barrel clinging to the blonde mess of hair.

"You saw what he did to Tiny, he was my friend! Please, we ain't like that! I like my pharmaceuticals, but I'm no killer." I returned my head to it's proper position at Daryl's position; his hand on Oscar's head with the knife ready to slice through his skin. "Oscar here, he's a B and E and he ain't very good at it neither." Axel pleaded his case, "We ain't the violent kind they were!"

"Oh my god, enough!" I groaned, picking myself up from the ground, wanting to press my hand against the throbbing pain but stopped. There was no way I was going to mix his blood in with mine. I swayed against the blood loss, I knew it wasn't enough to die from but passing out was creeping up behind, "Enough of the bullshit crying," I swallowed hard, "T, take me back." T-Dog looked at Daryl for confirmation but flinched as I yelled, "Take me back now!" He lowered his aim on Axel, nodding.
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