In the Shallows

"Lex?"

"Lex!?"

I snapped out of my trance, my eyes focusing on Daryl who stood in front of me, his blue eyes full of concern and worry. I looked around me, everyone either staring at Rick or myself. I tried to take a breath but the searing pain of my lungs not ready for air made me gasp sharply. My ears finally registered the loud cries, looking down, I softly tried to calm her down.

Daryl left my side and walked over towards Rick, approaching him softly and trying to get his attention. My heart broke as he just stood there with his eyes fixated off into oblivion, his body swaying from shock. Daryl glanced back at me, his eyes locking onto mine, his mouth twitching, unsure of what to do.

Hershel spoke loudly, snapping me out of my stare, "Alex, let me see the baby."

Daryl quickly joined me, careful to make sure I wasn't going to fall, his arms hovered over my shoulders, watching me intently, "What are we gonna feed it? We got anything a baby can eat?"

I stood in front of Hershel, letting him check her over, his hands caressed her soft skin. It took him a few moments, his eyes studying and his ears listening to her cries and breathing, "The good news is she looks healthy, but she needs formula. And soon or she won't survive." My breath hitched in my throat after those words were said, my eyes locked onto Daryl who shook his head.

"Nope, no way. Not her." He picked up his bow, slinging it over his shoulder, "We ain't losin' nobody else. I'm goin' for a run--Lex you--"

"--no." Maggie said sharply, she cleared her throat lightly, she pressed a smile towards me and then looked at Daryl, "Lori wants her to take care of the baby--I'll back you up."

Glenn nodded, "I'll go too."

Daryl returned the nod, glimpsing at me for just a moment before speaking, "Okay, think where we're goin'." Turning towards Beth he motioned for her to follow him a little away from the rest of us. His voice was hushed and between the baby crying and the blood pumping loudly in my ears, I couldn't even tell what he was saying.

He walked back, talking over my head towards Axel and Oscar, "You two get the fence, too many pile up, we got ourselves a problem." My eyes wandered towards Rick while Daryl signaled for Glenn and Maggie to follow him.

My arm reached out quickly towards him before he could walk away completely, "Rick!" I yelped, watching him pick up the axe and sling my arm gently off of him as he sprinted back into the prison. I shifted position with the baby, my eyes watering as she continued to cry out. This was too much responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want it.

"Come on! We're gonna lose the light," Daryl yelled out, he walked towards me, staring me straight into my eyes, "I'll be back soon, okay?" He lightly tapped my chin and pressed a quick kiss to my forehead before running towards the vehicles.

I swallowed hard as I looked at Hershel, he gave a light smile, "Come on, lets get you two inside and away from this heat."

"What about Rick? Should I go find him or--"

"--no. There isn't anything you're going to be able to do for him right now. You need to let him cope. And besides, Maggie mentioned that Lori wanted you to take care of the baby, is that right?" I just nodded, unable to form anymore words, "Well then, you need to do just that. Now, come on."

I followed them into what used to be a safe haven, instead it just reminded me that somewhere among these walls, a life was brought in and one was taken. My hands trembled as the events that had just passed an hour ago flash in my brain. Her wails, her screams, the blood, the color draining from her face, I couldn't believe that I had actually witnessed that. Of all the things I had seen since this outbreak happened, it was that--that freaked me out the most.

"Do you want me to hold the baby?" Beth asked, her blue eyes sparkling with a notion of knowing that I just needed to breath without a crying child in my arms. She held out her hands, smiling lightly, "I mean, I kind of wanted to hold her but--"

I shook my head, smiling back, "--be my guest." I handed her off, showing her how to hold her properly, even though at that point, I didn't even know. It was just instinct, I guess. Turning around, I walked into a cell, finding an old towel, I started to wipe my hands, scrubbing hard to get the red color off my skin. I felt a tear drop and at that moment, as I felt it slide down my cheek and onto my stained hands, I just wanted to jump off the roof.

Taking a deep breath, I threw down the towel, running both my hands through my hair, I let out a heavy sigh. I needed to regain composure, I had a responsibility--one that I had no idea how to go about. Taking another deep breath, I headed out where everyone sat in silence, "I'm just going to go outside to get some fresh air and--"

"--no one's stopping you, Alex." Hershel gave me a soft smile, nodding off in the direction of the doors, "Go on, we'll get you if we need you. Beth seems to be doing just fine."

I nodded back, walking slowly to the door, turning around just before my hand reached the handle, "Come get me when you need to." Swinging it open, I let the sun hit my face, it was crazy how much better if felt with just me out here. Before with the baby and everyone surrounding me, the air felt stale and thick but now? It was clear and breathable, my lungs gladly taking in the air. My eyes scanned across the feild towards Glenn, raising a brow, I made the five minute walk to him. Silently thanking Oscar and Axel as they let me pass by.

My heart sank as I realized what Glenn had been doing, digging graves. I swallowed thickly, slowly my pace as he looked up, he squinted against the sun, "Hey, Alex."

"Hi, Glenn." I looked around me, my eyes straining to see the stray geeks walking along the fence line, "Why didn't you go?"

He stopped shoveling for a moment, resting his forearm on the top of the handle, "They took the bike, easier to maneuver around the blockage."

I nodded, "Right--"

"--are you okay? I mean--I know you're not okay," his voice trailed off, his mouth twitching, waiting for me to respond.

"I'm--I'll be fine. A lot to take in, in one day." My head turned as I heard two pairs of feet walking towards me, smiling lightly as Oscar and Axel made their way towards us.

"How's the perimeter look?" Glenn asked, his expression changing.

Axel pointed off into the distance, "We got the walkers spread out," motioning towards the grave, he smiled, "need help?" Glenn looked away from him, hardly giving him an answer, he turned back to his digging, "Your friend, they were good folks."

Glenn's eyes hardened, his mouth twitching, "They were family."

Oscar nodded, "I think I had one friend like that my whole life," his expression softened, "you got a whole group. Sorry you lost 'em." He glanced at me and then back at Glenn, I knew he was being absolutely sincere, but part of me couldn't help but think that it was all their fault in a sense. I knew it wasn't but I couldn't help but think it.

Glenn swallowed thickly, stepping out of the hole, he handed Oscar the shovel. "I need two more." He uttered, not even glancing in their direction. He lightly tapped my arm for me to follow. My eyes were met with Hershel, my heart quickened as I thought that something had happened with baby. Picking up our pace, we finally managed to meet up with him by the fence.

I crossed my arms, "Everything alright?"

He half nodded, "For now, the baby's fine."

Glenn sighed in a slight relief, "What about Rick?"

"I'm afraid he's still inside."

He bit his lip, "Okay, I'll get him." He glanced back towards the two men digging the graves, "A little over a third of our group in one day."

"'Cause of one asshole,"

Glenn flickered a glance at me and then at Hershel, "Part of me wishes we would have killed all the prisoners on sight."

My eyes widened as he spoke his truthful words, my arms came undone as Hershel responded, "Axel and Oscar seem like good guys."

He gave a soft scoff, "You know, when the evacuations started, T-Dog drove his church van to the home of every senior he knew, just in case they needed a ride. He saved my ass a thousand times. He wasn't just a good guy--"

"--he was the best." I murmured, "T was always there when we needed him to be."

"Got bit closing the gate, if he hadn't done that..."

"It could have been Maggie," he swallowed again, sighing, "I know it's wrong but I'd trade any number of people for one of ours any day." Glancing at me, he spoke softly, "Come on, let's get back inside."

Following him back into the prison, I was greeted with the sound of a enfant crying, picking up my pace, I quickly entered the cell block. "Let me see her," I murmured, gathering her from Carl, I instantly got her to settle down.

"How did you do that?"

"Hm?" I started to whispering soothing words to her as I bounced on my feet lightly to lure her to sleep.

"How did you get her to stop crying?"

I shrugged, "I guess it's an instinct," looking down at her soft pale skin, I almost smiled, wondering what it could have been like to have a child of my own. Granted I was definitely old enough and Daryl had mentioned a long time ago--or what seemed like a long time ago-- that he would have showed up his father and Merle.

"You would have been a great mother," Carl said softly, he saw my expression and quickly started to sputter out, "I mean--I'm sorry--I just meant that--"

"--Carl, it's okay." I smiled, rocking the baby, I sighed, "I won't ever be this child's mother but," I paused, running a finger over her plump cheeks, "I'll definitely try for the sake of yours."

He returned my smile, nodding, "She picked you for a reason."

I shifted in my position as she started to wail again, I tried to calm her down but with the time she spent on this Earth and the emptiness of her stomach, it was going to be like this for awhile until Daryl and Maggie showed up with formula and I only prayed that it would be soon.