Northern Wind

The rain beat down against my umbrella as I quickly walked down the sidewalk, my limbs shivering from the cold wind. Pressing my arms closer to my body, I looked up and watched as the little coffee shop Derick and I had agreed to meet at stuck out from the corner of the next block. Glancing back down to my feet, I took a deep breath and continued my walk there.

Once I was three buildings away, I inhaled slowly, my nerves driving me mad, and looked up to see the brunette walking across the street. Biting down on my lip, I had the sudden urge to run away, but the second the thought crossed my mind, I heard the familiar French accented voice call my name.

“Why didn’t you take a car?” Derick said as he quickly ran over to me and took a step under my umbrella. Once we made it to the front door of the shop, he opened the large pane of glass and then took control of the umbrella. Motioning me to walk in, I gave him a small nod and watched as he easily closed the umbrella and then walked in, shoving it in a little holder near the door.

Moving over to the table in the corner of the large room near one of the fireplaces, Derick shrugged out of his jacket, unwound his scarf from his neck, and then set everything down. As he grabbed his wallet, I went to hand him money when he glared at me, a tiny smile playing on his lips, and pulled my chair out for me to sit down.

“Stay here, you want the usual?” His eyes were bright as I sat down with a defeated sigh.

“Anything with pumpkin.” I smiled and watched as the brunette rolled his eyes, gave me a nod, and then headed toward the counter.

Watching him move swiftly across the room, I let my eyes run over him a few times before I slammed my head against the table, and looked down at my shoes. Inhaling deeply, I listened as the faint sound of his French accented voice flowed through the air, causing my spine to shiver.

Ever since Jon had made that comment what felt like months ago, but was actually only three days ago, I’ve been analyzing Derick every single second of the day. I watched how he interacted with people, with the guys, with other females, and even with me. I noticed how his smile was always a little bigger when he spoke with me, how his eyes seemed a little wider and brighter, like whatever I had to say took importance over whatever else was going on in the world.

I noticed the way he always had his body turned toward me, even if I wasn’t the one speaking. He always asked me how I was doing, or said hello to me first. He was always there for me, always checking on me, making sure I was okay, that I was comfortable and having a good time; I never realized that he was, but now with my close watch and anxiety filled mind, I realized that John’s joke wasn’t really all that fantasy based. Now that I took an outsiders point of view on our relationship, I wouldn’t be surprised if people thought we were dating already.

“One pumpkin spice latte with skim milk, splenda, and some cinnamon sprinkled on the top.” Derick sang the order as he carefully set the large mug down in front of me, patted my head, and then took his seat across from me. As I pulled my head from the tabletop, I looked up to see his small smile and big worried eyes. Before he could ask if I was okay, I gave him a nod and forced up a smile despite all of the thoughts running ramped in my head.

“You’re the best..” I whispered.

Shrugging, the brunette reached across the tabletop and placed his hand on top of mine. As those teddy bear brown eyes looked up at me, I felt the whole entire world come to a halt. My chest tightened, my lungs begged for air, but as his eyes held mine, all I could do was stare back.

What was I going to say? Did I really want to do this? He was my best friend. It’s only been a month since Jake and now? I can’t. It’s too soon. I-

“How are you doing?” I blinked slowly at his words and nodded. “Sorry, I know I ask that a lot but I’m just worried.” He nodded to himself and then looked down at his coffee mug, his thumb making small circles on the back of my hand. “I just wanted to hang out today because I feel like I can’t really talk to you with the guys around all of the time, you know?” I nodded, my eyes still wide and my lungs still cut off from receiving much air.

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out, my head still trying to wrap itself around the fact that he wasn’t going to ask me out, and John was just being a dick about the whole situation. As this started to dawn on me, I felt a small bit of disappointment drip into my stomach. “I’m doing okay, Der. I…. I’m doing better than I was home.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” He nodded as his eyes dropped into his coffee. “I was so worried about you when I left to come back here.” A wave of pain washed over his facial features before he looked back into my eyes and frowned a little. “I was so afraid I was going to lose you, Chirs.”

Shaking my head, I swallowed hard, trying to stop myself from bursting into tears and smiled a little as I took my free hand and wrapped it around my coffee mug. “I’m not going anywhere, Derick.” I breathed, blinking a few times in order to dry out my eyes. “I’m going to get through this, mostly thanks to you.”

With a small nod, we fell into a comfortable silence.

I sipped my latte and kept my eyes in a downcast toward the table. My head was in a strong battle to keep myself from bursting into tears in front of the man. I wanted to fall into his chest like I had the first time I saw him before Jake’s funeral. I wanted to just cry about everything that had happened. But I was stronger than that. I wasn’t going to let Jake’s death kill me too.

“I love you, ya’ know.” My heart stopped as I slowly jerked my eyes up to meet those warm pools of brown and honeysuckle. “Always have, always will.”

Lips trembling, I nodded and then looked down.

“I love you too, Derick.”



After Derick and I had spent three hours reminiscing and talking about everything that we had missed in each other’s lives, I felt better. I wasn’t ready to move on. I wasn’t ready to go out there and make friends and go to parties and have fun.

But I was better.

The drive home Derick mentioned that I really needed to meet the wives and girlfriends of some of the guys. He knew I didn’t get along with girly girls all too well, but these girls were different. I trusted him of course; he had a pretty good judgment of character.

Most of the time.

Unless it was my fiancé of course.

“I cam see you and Erica getting along really well.”

“Carl’s girlfriend?” I questioned as I kept my eyes out of the window of Derick’s luxury car. Instead of locking my eyes onto the brunette I let the curious organs roam the city from behind the window. Up and down buildings, across a million faces, and closely analyzing the rain drops that still clung to the window. I wasn’t normally so in touch with the close inspection of the life going on around me, but honestly there was never this much going on around me.

The brunette rambled on about how nice she was, how she reminded him a lot of me. She was quiet but around the right people she was loud and outgoing. He said she wasn’t like the other wives and girlfriends.

The exact word he used was dependent, and I really liked that. I always enjoyed the company of women who could make it on their own and knew it. I used to be one of those but as of late I slipped below my standards.

“Do you want to go to Macy’s?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I tore my eyes from the herds of people and locked them onto the warm brown ones sitting next to me. “Shopping? Any specific reason?”

“Well you’re going to be living with us for a while so I figured you’d want your own towels and maybe some nice bed sheets. Make it less ‘I’m here as company’ and more ‘I’m here for a while’.”

“Oh no, no, Derick that’s too much.” I said quickly as the brunette smiled and quickly turned down a side street and slowed the car as he squinted his eyes and started scouting out a parking spot. “Honestly Der, just buy me latte’s and watch shitty movies with me once a month, I’ll be okay, I-“

The man’s arm swung out and kept my body pressed against the leather car seat as he slammed on the breaks and quickly turned on his signal. Laughing a little as he swung his arm back over my head and turned his body, he smoothly worked his car in between a large SUV and a beat up Honda something.

Within two minutes, the car was neatly parked, and he was shoving his wallet and keys into his coat pockets. “Come on now, I know how much you love shopping at places like this. ”I can buy bed sheets, a toaster, and a pair of Ray-ban sunglasses all in the same place, it must be heaven.” Derick mocked my exact words in a higher pitched voice that caused me to burst out into a small fit of laughter.

“I do not sound like that Derick Brassard!” I howled as I quickly exited the car and met the brunette on the sidewalk, thanking the heavens above that the rain had finally stopped beating down against the city. “I do not sound like that and you know it.”

Derick smiled wide as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me snugly into his side. After pressing his lips to the side of my head, we walked down the block and turned the corner to mix in with the large groups of people making their way around the block.

Luckily the large department store was relatively close to the parking spot that the brunette managed to find and as we slipped inside of the building, the boy dropped his hand from my waist and after glancing around at the large groups of people grabbed onto my hand and blushed a little as he informed me it was ‘so I didn’t get lost’.

Heart racing, I tried to play like I shrugged it off, but as we wandered through the men’s clothing section and headed into the home appliance/towels/bed sheets section, I couldn’t help but letting my cheeks tint red.

I somehow managed to talk Derick out of buying me my own towels, but he was pretty stuck on the new bed sheets. After making out way through the shower curtains and bathroom mats, we hit the bedding section and Derick started to have a field day, picking out all of these designs he thought I would like.

The first few I liked, but I still tried to talk him out of buying me things. I knew he was well off with his paycheck from the Rangers organization, but I still hated when people bought things for me that were over the price of a coffee.

“Oh, this is so you!”

Smiling, I turned toward the brunette to see him holding a simple navy blue chevron bed set. The base color was the rich navy blue, and there was a strong white zig zag pattern covering the front. As my eyes danced over the size which would fit the bed and the contents, I looked up at Derick and shook my head, the guilt of having him buy this for me poke at my stomach.

“Christa, stop with the money!” The brunette whined as he held the large pack of bedding up and wiggled it near my face. “It’s cheap, it’s fine. I just don’t want you sleeping on shitty bed sheets and-“

“Jeez, fine, fine”, I rolled my eyes and watched as Derick’s eyes lit up as he tucked the large pack under his arm and grabbed my free hand as he started dragging me toward the other end of the store.

“Now I need some help picking out ties for work.” With a roll of my eyes, the brunette gave me a wide smile, kissed my cheek, and then continued to drag me across the department store as he went on and on about how happy he was that he had someone to shop with again.

After an hour and a half Derick had seven new ties, three new pairs of jeans, two new flannels, a Christmas sweater, Giorgio Armani cologne, the bed sheets, and a matching girls Christmas sweater for me. His reasoning behind the sweater was that the Rangers always had an ugly sweater party and everyone that roomed together always wore the same sweater.

Before John’s comment about Derick being in love with me, I would have brushed it off, but now that the blue eyed boys words were still eating away at my stomach, I was skeptical.

The total for everything was a number I couldn’t even imagine spending in the course of one day, but as the lady rambled it off Derick gave her a polite smile, a nod, and then swiped his debit card like nothing was wrong with the world.

I on the other hand almost had a stroke.

With four large bags we made our way out of the department store and mixed in with the large herds of people again. In doing this, Derick managed to grab onto the hem of my sweater and stay close behind me as I quickly cut through people chatting on the side of the side walk and people who walked just a little too slow for everyone else. After tripping a few times and bumping shoulders once or twice we made our way back to Derick’s car.

Popping the trunk, we shoved the bags inside and just as he closed the trunk, his cell phone started to buzz in his pocket.

“It’s probably junior.” Derick snickered as he walked around the to the drivers side door and pulled it open. As he slid into the seat, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and held the screen to his face.

The silence that came after his eyes connected onto the name made my stomach twist. His smile faded, his eyes dulled, and the air in the car grew tense. It was like he was just notified that someone in his family had passed.

Stomach knotting, I shut my eyes as I let my own thoughts run through what had happened. Once they were done, I slid down in my seat and looked over at the brunette just in time to watch him slam hold up his finger signaling to give him one minute and then quickly got out of the car and shit the door.

Shaking my head a little, I leaned forward and watched as Derick pushed the phone against his ear and then leaned his back against the car.

My heart started to pound as thoughts rushed through my head again. What if it was someone calling about me? What if someone in his family had really died? What if it was his sister of his father? What if there was a fire or a car accident.

A car accident.

Tears welled up behind my eyes. I wanted to kick my feet and cry. I wanted to press my knuckles against the window and feel the glass shred the skin of my knuckles. I wanted to stop feeling the pressure in my chest, the sting in my eyes and the burn in my throat. I wanted to be able to go through the motions of life without this crippling pain.

I wanted to stop letting him control every aspect of my life, but I couldn’t. It was too soon. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to really accept it.

Jake was gone, but I still couldn’t let him go.

Shaking my head, I pressed my body into the leather seats and took a few deep breaths, letting the reaction to my thoughts subside.

As they did, Derick slipped back into the car and copied my worn-out, tired, over the world and it’s shit, poisition.

“Everything okay, Der?” I whispered as I placed my hand over his. The second I did, he flipped his hand around and took my smaller hand in his. Shrugging, he turned his head to look at me and sent me a faint smile. “Who was on the phone?”

For a moment, I felt the world stop spinning, and then as if some unknown force punched Derick in the stomach, he blurted out a name that I had remembered form high school but haven’t heard since I was eighteen.

“Laura.”

I nearly choked on my own saliva. As shock smothered my features, Derick bit down on his lip and pulled his hand from mine. Using it to push the key into the ignition, he sighed heavily and shot me a glance before locking his seat belt across his body. “We dated on and off for a while, she’s visiting New York with her sister for the weekend to see some Broadway show, wanted to get some lunch.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond.

Laura was one of the reasons why I hated females in the past. She was one of the people who I waged war against. Her body held no sympathy for others, no morals or values on life. She was spiteful, rude, and clingy. Derick knew how she tried to break Jake and I up. Derick knew how much I hated her.

The car ride home was silent, and by the way Derick’s face stayed a consistent red, he knew how angry I had become with him. A part of me wanted to speak, but I knew I should just keep my mouth shut. I didn’t have a right to talk about his love life. I didn’t have a right to pry and scream at him for who he liked. He hated my fiancé but still stuck on a smile and acted ,like everything was perfect around him.

I didn’t have any grounds to yell at the brunette about his personal life. He had just bought me three hundred dollar sheets and a seventy-dollar sweater. We had just went through such a nice day together and he was letting me get over the loss of my fiancé in New York, for free, for months.

If anything I should agree to everything he did and kiss his feet.

But that wasn’t me.

As soon as Derick parked his car, I turned to him and slammed my hand down on the armrest between us.

“Honestly Derick, what the fuck?” I barked and watched as the boy shut his eyes and braced himself for my words. “After everything that she fucking put me through when I was younger, you go and fucking bang her for the next, what, like ten years?”

“I… We went out for two and-“

“So what you keep her around as your little fuck buddy?” I screamed, my eyes wide and filled with disgust as I stared at my best friend, shrinking in his seat.

“It’s not like that, she’s not as psycho as-“

“You’re so fucking typical. After she tried to break Jake and I up you still… I thought I was your best friend, Derick? How can you… Like why… I know you hated Jake for no good reason but really?”

“I had my reasons?” He snapped back, his jaw line sharp as he gritted his teeth.

“Oh, oh did you? Would you like to fucking enlighten me on what those reasons were because I never got a fucking explanation? I mean he’s dead now, so…”

“Just drop it.” Derick sighed in defeat as a wave of pain washed over his face.

“Drop it? Drop… Derick you’re such…” I let out an aggravated scream as all of the emotions tore up my insides. “This was a mistake. I should have just fucking let myself burn out and kill myself back home.”

“Don’t fucking say that”, Derick snapped as he slammed his hand down on the arm rest, letting the loud smack silence everything around us. As my words got caught in my throat from his action, I sunk down in my chair and shook my head a little. “I missed games to come to the funeral. I worried for days after I left, I stayed up at night wondering if I was going to get a text message the next day about you. I played like shit for the days before you came to live here, Christa. I was a fucking mess over the thought of losing you.”

I managed to swallow the sadness that was overwhelming me as I stared into Derick’s brown eyes. “Why do you care so much anyway?”

“I hate seeing you hurt, is all.”

“Yeah?” I shook my head and went to open the car door when Derick called my name again.

“I love you, Christa. I do, a lot, and I’m sorry I did this to you.”

“You did what?”

“Hurt you. I just… I needed someone and she was there. I didn’t think about much. I didn’t think at all, but as soon as she cheated on me I ended it. I…” Derick’s eyes widened as he looked at me. He went to speak, he went to say something important when I felt out eyes connect and as we stared at each other, I could swear I heard his heart beat echo thorugh the car. “She cheated on me.” I nodded, not breaking the stare with him.

“With Jake.”