Trying to Feel Perfect

It was around 8pm when Pete woke up and strolled down stairs into the living room, I was wrapped up in a blanket, sitting on the couch, staring at the rain hitting against the window trying to puzzle out my future. Pete came and sat on the couch laying his head over my lap, gazing at me while I was still in a dream and biting my thumb nail.

“Lara?” He said softly. I instantly looked down to the man in my lap and rubbed his face with my hand, his stubble brushing along my delicate skin.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I was just thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?” Should I make up a lie or tell him I was thinking about our future?

“I-I was just thinking about us, you know and what our future will be like together.” There I told him the truth.

He sighed, “Lara, I will marry you... but not right now, I mean the album just came out and we are going to be on tour a lot and we can’t even think about having a baby right now. It’s just too much.” I felt a little annoyed at that comment. Mr. Selfish right there and he knows it.

“Yeah, I know,” I said with disappointment, looking away from him because once again my eyes were filling up and didn't want him to see me cry over this.

“Are you still on your period?” Am I still on my period? What is he talking- oh, now I remember.

“Eh, yeah, yeah I am. I've still got bad cramps; I should probably take some medication for it.” As I said that I got up and went into the kitchen and pulled open the drawer where all the first aid stuff is kept. I stood facing the wall and swallowed two pink pills, tears where threatening to roll down my cheeks and I obliged. “Why doesn't the man I love want to marry me? Is there something wrong with me?”I thought to myself. All of a sudden a pair of heavy tattooed arms were wrapped around me and my navy hoodie. I turned around and cried into his chest, my hands holding on to his shirt because I am afraid that this is all a dream and I am going to be awoken by my father coming to harm me.

“I’m sorry I’m not perfect and I’m sorry I’m not your dream girl, but I’m trying to be perfect for you so you’ll actually want to marry me,” He was rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head when I said this.

“Sweetheart, you’re perfect to me, you’re my dream girl. I love everything about you. You see imperfections, I see perfection. I am trying to take all of your past away and help you forget everything and everyone who shot you down. Baby, I will marry you, I will have kids with you because I am in love with you. You will always have me and I’ll always be here for you. You can tell me anything and everything.” And with that last sentence I felt a sweep of guilt wash over my entire body.

“Pete, I need to tell y-well show you something,” I stepped away from him and went up to the bedroom, he sat down on the bed and gave me a smile. I tried to smile, but I couldn't, I just wiped away the tears with my sleeve.

“Show me,” He said with a cheeky grin.

I pulled off my hoodie, my black tank top and then my leggings. I was standing in front of him now, in my black lacy underwear with some crazy artwork on my skin. His face was in shock, we both knew that this was not what he was expecting. I looked away from him and tried to swallow the tears away and put my hand up to my face. I couldn't take it anymore I was crying for the second time today and I was suddenly wrapped up in Pete’s arms. He had never seen my body like this before.

“I’m so sorry I lied to you. I’m not on my period I just didn't want you to see my body.”

“Lara, I know this is hard for you, but you have to stop doing this to yourself. You are perfect to me and i’m going to stay with you and help you.” I pulled my head away from his chest and he then laid his baby pink lips against my cherry red lips.

He pulled me into bed and laid with me, we were face to face and he started leaving kisses along my face and neck, showing how much he truly loves me. Things got a little more heated now with me sitting on his thighs kissing his lips still in my underwear and him sitting in his boxers with his hands marveling my body and stroking each of my cuts and scars. I pulled away from his lips after the hot make out session and placed my hands on his shoulders and looked him square in the eyes. “Pete, I don’t feel like having sex tonight, if that is okay?” “Baby, it is fine, I didn't think you would want to anyway.” He replied, and then kissed me again.

I moved off of his thighs and lay next to him with my nose touching his. “Goodnight Lara, I love you so much and I hope you know it.” “Yes sweetheart I do. Goodnight and I love you too.” I pecked his lips and fell asleep next to my savior