Trying to Feel Perfect

Four weeks later and I feel rotten as ever; I have had a terrible stomach bug and bad nausea. I feel so weak and limp and every time I smell something sickly sweet I just wanna puke. Hmpf, girl problems. But apart from that Jamie has stopped contacting me and I have been avoiding him as well, so I feel proud of myself. I have also cut down on smoking – I’m down to two cigarettes a day now and Pete’s really proud of me. He’s keeping all my ciggies, so I have to ask him every now and then if I can have one. But as always, as happiness comes it suddenly vanishes again as I was told that my boyfriend will be going on tour this week for two months. Well, to be truthful I was sad first of all when I found out, but on a romantic night out to a cute 60’s, vintage diner (it really is romantic too me) he asked me If I would come with him and explore all the different places with him. How could I refuse?

“So, you sure you’ll be alright on tour?”

“Yes babe I’ll be fine. I need to go to the doctor real soon to get this stomach bug seen to, but apart from that I feel good and happy.” We are currently having this discussion while we are both sitting in the living room, with the TV on and me currently painting my toenails a midnight blue color. My favorite. And Peter playing one of his games on his Nintendo DS.

“Well, then, after I've finished this level and you've done your toes how about we go see the doctor and see what’s up with you,” He says with such intense concentration on just a bunch of colorful pixels.

“Yeah well you better hurry up because I've finished my toes and I’m just waiting for them to dry.”

“I thought you had to do a double-coat?” He moans trying to buy more game time.

“Well, I’m one step ahead of you because I've already done that. But you wouldn't know of course because you’re so connected to your game right now instead of me.” I joke at the last bit and he shuts off his game, walks over to where he has just left his shoes and picks up his keys.

“Are you ready yet or what?” He is literally terrible at acting all serious because he starts smiling like a little child straight after.

“Yes let me put my flip-flops on and I’ll be ready.” My ensemble today is all black as usually – long loose black tank top, black leggings, oh and my thick burgundy hair is in the worst messy bun ever. I suppose that is why it is called a messy bun then.

We get to the doctors and we are told to wait in the waiting room and that the doctor won’t be long on seeing us. We are not the only ones in the room, as there is a cute little old lady hunched over in the corner who smiles at me as soon as she sees me and my boyfriend, I smile back politely at her and sit down on the not so comfy chairs and wrap my arm around Pete’s and lean into it, with his lips pressing against the top of my forehead.

After about five minutes a little old man comes out of the doctors and meets the older lady, I assume to be his wife and he gives her a sweet kiss on the cheek and walk out the doors linking arms together.

“They are so cute, I wanna be like that with you when we are old and gray.” I say and watch the precious couple walk over to their car, with the man helping his wife in.

“Yeah? Well, we will be. You will always be my girl and I’m never gonna give you to anyone else,” He turns my head and holds my cheek and kisses me with so much love that I could just melt.

“Miss Fletcher, if you would like to come with me now,” The sweet female doctor asks me. I grab Pete’s hand and walk into the room, feeling a little nervous now.

“What seems to be the problem now Lara?”

“Well, I've had a really bad stomach bug for the past two weeks and I've had terrible nausea as well.”
“Any sickness at all? What about your period, is it late?”

“Yeah I have been sick a couple of times as well and my period should of actually finished by now but it hasn't came,” Pete’s hand is resting just above my knee and it is making me feel calm.

“Okay then Lara, I’m just going to do a pregnancy test on you because most of the girls I see usually are pregnant and have complained about nearly the same things as you have.” Oh fuck, I look over at Pete and he gives me a ‘don’t panic face’. We've talked about kids before and we have agreed that we are both stable enough and committed to one another to have a baby, since we have been dating for four years so I don’t feel all that panicky now that I think about it, but then again Fall Out Boy’s new album is out so Pete is gonna be real busy, but I really should stop all this because I haven’t even found out if I am pregnant or not.

The doctor hands me this stupid cardboard cup thing and I make my way to the restroom, leaving Pete to make small talk with the doctor. Another thought rushes into my find as I think back to the time me and Jamie had sex, but that instantly disappears as I remember that I was on a strong contraception that day, so the baby couldn't possibly be Jamie’s and I haven’t fucked anyway else so it is definitely Pete’s.

I return back to the room with that stupid cardboard and hand the doctor it, she takes it away and heads into her spare room to do the test and leave us to speak.

“Are you okay?” Pete asks me, with a somewhat worried look on his face.

“Yeah baby I’m fine, I just feel kinda excited now that’s all,” When he sees the look on my face he instantly lightens up and hugs me. We talk about marriage, kids and our future for that ever so long three life changing minutes.

We are then shortly interrupted.

“Miss Fletcher I have your results in and a big congratulations to you, you’re pregnant.” Those two words ‘you’re pregnant’ are repeating in my head over and over again. I stand up for some reason and put my hands over my mouth and I think the doctor can still see my big-ass smile through my cupped hands. I turn around and Pete pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me and I swear to god I see tears in his eyes.

“We’re gonna have a baby, Pete. We are gonna have our own family,”

“I know, baby,” He says smiling from ear to ear and then he kisses my deeply and we walk out room hand in hand, thanking the doctor and walking straight to our car. As soon as we get in I lean over and kiss him again.

“I love you so much baby, thank you for everything,” He whispers with our forehead pressed together, looking deep into each other’s eyes.

“I love you more,” I whisper with a tear rolling down my cheek.

For once these are happy tears, not sad tears or angry tears. Happy tears.
This is the best day ever.