Dusk & Summer

tom.
apr 14, 2005.
london, england.
"Good morning." Anna said, smiling at me over the rim of her take-away cup. She took a sip as I said, "Morning." back and grinned at her.

"Shall we go?"

I nodded as Anna grabbed her bag, and we began weaving between the stalls to make our way out of the Lock.

"So where are you taking me first?" I asked Anna with a sly smile, and she grinned back brilliantly.

"China Town. So I can get some lunch." She told me, and I laughed.

"Fair enough."

As we made our way down the street towards the tube station, chatting idley, I suddenly heard a loud, "Tom!"

My brow creased in confusion. Who would know me here?

I turned around, and my stomach lurched.

"What are you doing? Who's that?" Jen asked me, walking towards me quickly and gesturing rudely at Anna.

"J-Jen?!" I stuttered. "What- what are you doing here?!"

"I'm on my honeymoon." She answered curtly, and my brow creased even more.

"You're- what?!"

"On my honeymoon." She replied again, before she smiled widely as a guy with short brown hair appeared by her side and slid his arm around her waist. I watched him through jealous, slitted eyes before asking between clenched teeth, "Who's that."

"My husband." Jen told me proudly, as he kissed her on the cheek then gave me a smug look.

"But you're married to me." I protested, and she laughed.

"No I'm not. We're divorced. We've sorted it all out, remember? I got the house, and you got the dog."

My head began to pound with confusion as I ran a hand through my hair.

"And..and you're married already?!"

"Yes." Jen replied shortly. "Who's this? Your girlfriend?"

I finally remembered that Anna was still standing beside me. I glanced at her before opening my mouth to say no, before Anna spoke up.

"Yes, I am." She said with a smile, before sliding her hand onto my lower back and leaning up on tiptoes to kiss me. I kissed her back slowly with confusion, my eyes still open as I tried to take in all of this.

"When- when did..when did this all happen?!" I asked in a quiet, desparate voice, and Anna laughed.

"Don't be silly, Tom." She said, before kissing me again. I quickly kissed her back, realising that this was the upside to whatever the hell was going on right now, before she slid her arms around me and rested her head on my chest.

"So how long have you been with her, then?" Jen asked me jealously, eyeing Anna with a distasteful look in her eye.

"Um..I..." I trailed off nervously, and Anna spoke up.

"Only a day or two." She said. "But we're in love already, aren't we Tom?"

She looked up at me with wide, sparkling eyes, and I stared back in confusion.

"I...yes." I finished weakly, thoroughly and utterly confused with absolutely everything.

"So what's your fucking problem then, dude?" Jen's 'husband' suddenly spoke up, but as he did his voice melted into that of a very familiar one mid-sentence. I stared at him before blinking confusedly, and as I did so he was gone, and my - ex - best friend was standing in his place.

"What's your problem?" He repeated, stepping forward. I stared at him, tongue-tied, as his icey blue eyes cut through me and I squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "How could you do that to me, man? To us? To our band? We worked so fucking hard to get to where we were, and you threw it all away. You're a jackass, Tom, you tasted too much power and you wanted more."

My eyes stung as I looked away from his penetrating gaze. Anna had stepped away from me, and Jen was watching with knowing eyes.

"And now, what have you got left, huh? Nothing. No wife. No friends. No band. No house. Nothing. You're nothing, DeLonge."

I'd never heard Mark's voice so spitting and bitter, I'd never seen him this upset. I'd betrayed him. I'd betrayed my band. He was right, I was worthless.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, hiding my face behind my long, dark fringe as my eyes reddened around the edges.

"But you're not, Tom. You're sorry it didn't work out to your advantage, but you're not sorry for what you did."

With that, he turned and began walking away. It was then I noticed Travis standing a way back; keeping his distance. I stared after him and Mark's retreating figure, and Travis glanced at me and caught my gaze. He flipped me off before turning and walking away with Mark; neither of them looking back.

"Poor Tom." Jen suddenly spoke up in a loud, condescending voice. "Poor little Tom is finally alone. Well, apart from..." She gestured towards Anna, who took a step back and held up her palms.

"Hey, I'm nothing to do with him." She said, and I turned around to look at her quickly.

"But- but you were just saying.."

"I just said that to make you feel better." She interrupted me sharply. "Because I knew it's what you wanted to hear. I know how you feel about me Tom, but I never want anything to do with you. I only spent time with you yesterday because I felt sorry for you. Don't read into it so much."

She turned and walked off quickly, and I stared after her silently.

"So he finally is all alone." Jen spoke up, and I shut my eyes as it hit me. She was right.

I woke up suddenly in a cold sweat, lost in a tangle of thick duvet. I sat up quickly and wiped my brow, before running my fingers through my messy hair.

What a fucked up dream. I thought, before squeezing my eyes shut tightly and kneading my forehead with my fist.

Then I quickly climbed out of bed and tried to push the dream to the back of my mind and I walked into the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror when I was done, before sighing and rubbing my scratchy jaw as I tilted my head to the side and examined my stubble; wondering if I could get away with shaving today. For some reason, when remembering that I was meeting Anna, I decided against it and quickly covered my jaw in shaving cream.

When I'd finished shaving, I rubbed my smooth skin one final time before going back into the bedroom and unzipping my suitcase that had been flung lazily into a corner. I pulled out a pair of tan pants and a black t shirt and zip-up hoodie, before throwing them on the bed and pulling out a clean pair of boxers and socks. I quickly slid off the ones I was wearing and stuffed them into a compartment filled with dirty laundry in my suitcase, before pulling on my clean clothes and checking myself in the mirror one final time. I tried to flatten my hair a little more, before sighing and grabbing my room key, wallet and phone from my bedside table. I quickly finished off the last of the water from the bottle I got last night, before pulling on some Macbeths and leaving my room. I glanced down at my watch as I made my way towards the elevator: 11.10 am. I had just enough time to get some breakfast before making my way to Camden to meet Anna.

I wandered out of the hotel, smiling at the doorman politely on the way. It was one of those gorgeous early spring mornings; bright, golden sunlight but pleasantly cold air that clears your head with a single breath.

There was a Starbuck's on the corner of my street so I slipped inside, a blast of warm air along with faint murmurs of idle chitchat and the constant sound of the coffee machine hitting me as I joined onto the end of the short queue.

"Can I help you?" The young guy behind the counter asked me as the person in front stepped to the side to wait for their coffee.

"Hi, yeah, um, I'll have a uh..a medium cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. To go, please. Thanks."

"Okay that's..£4.54 then, please."

I handed him a five pound note and in turn he gave me my change, before grabbing a muffin from behind the glass counter with a pair of tongs. He dropped it into a small paper bag, and handed that to me before saying, "Your coffee will be done in a minute, if you just want to wait by that table."

I nodded and smiled before stepping to the side and placing the bag on the table. I drummed my fingertips against the surface lightly, until a guy in a green apron came up and placed a take-away cup on the table.

"Medium cappuccino to go?" He said, and I picked it up and smiled.

"Thanks." I said, before turning to leave. I walked the short distance to the tube station and bought a travelcard, before making my way to the Northern line. Luckily as I stepped onto the platform, the train pulled up and screeched to a halt. I slipped through the doors and grabbed a seat, but not many other people got into the compartment and it was already quite empty. Rush hour had ended and lunch hadn't yet started, so it wasn't very busy.

I pulled my muffin out of it's bag and sat eating it, earning me a dirty look from a young looking woman sitting opposite me. I held in a laugh and instead flashed her a dazzling grin, and a coy smile slowly appeared on her own lips before she glanced down, then back up at me in that 'shy' flirty way. I looked away and took a big gulp of coffee as the tube slowed to a stop, and I saw the words 'Camden Town' on the wall the other side of the train door. I jumped up and walked off the tube then made my way out of the station. Once outside, I threw the empty paper bag and coffee cup into the nearest trash can, before walking the familiar direction to the Lock.

"Tom! Tom!" I suddenly heard as I made my way past the big record store. I whipped my head round in confusion, my stomach lurching with irrational fear as I recalled my dream.

I suddenly heard the sound of heels clicking against the ground, and I turned around again to see Annabelle half-running, half-walking towards me and laughing. A grin spread across my face as I walked towards her, and she slowed to a stop in front of me.

"Sorry, I didn't see you." I said, and she shook her head while grinning.

"It's alright, I was just walking towards the station to catch you on your way. So you didn't have to walk all the way to the Lock." She said, hoisting her bag back up onto her shoulder. "Well, shall we go?"

I nodded and began walking alongside her as we made our way back to the tube station.

"So, where would you like to go?" She asked me, smiling up at me as we walked. I shrugged.

"I don't mind. You're meant to be showing me around, you pick." I replied, nudging her with my elbow slightly and grinning. "Are you hungry?"

She shook her head. "No, not yet. Are you?"

"Nah, I just had breakfast."

"Ah, okay."

We entered the tube station and stepped onto the escalator after Anna had bought a ticket, and I'd fed mine through the slot and gone through the barrier.

"So where are we going first?" I asked her, and she glanced back over her shoulder at me with a dazzling grin, tossing her hair back as she did so.

"I was thinking Portobello Road. Have you ever been to Portobello Market?"

I shook my head and her face lit up with a grin again.

"Well then we'll go there. You'll love it."



Her infectious laughter made me smile. I couldn't help but notice the way her nose scrunched up in a really cute way.

We were sat in Leicester Square, and the sun had set so it was getting colder. I sat back against the cool bench and grinned to myself as Anna finished laughing.

"I need a drink." She then said, before smacking my knee suddenly and making me jump. "Wait, come on." She said, grabbing my arm and pulling me up off the bench. I laughed as I allowed her to pull me towards an open front shop. I saw the words 'Ben & Jerry's' and smiled to myself.

"Let's get milkshakes." She said excitedly, and I laughed again.

"Okay."

We both ordered and I pulled a ten pound note out of my wallet and handing it to the guy behind the counter.

"Hey, what are you doing." Anna said, pulling out her purse and opening it.

"No! I'm paying! I owe you, remember?" I said as he handed back my change. She tutted at me, but a grin still appeared on her face as she put her purse back in her bag and grabbed her milkshake as the guy handed them both to us.

"Thank you." We both said simultaneously, before walking away.

"It's like half 6." She told me. "I'm hungry, I haven't eaten since this morning."

"Mm me too." I replied, absent-mindedly sipping my thick milkshake as we stopped on the edge of China Town. I watched a couple speaking rapidly to each other in Chinese walk into the restaurant directly opposite us, before Anna's voice made my attention snap back to her.

"Would you..erm, do you want to get some dinner?" She asked me, her already flushed cheeks staining a darker pink as she kept her eyes on the ground to my right. A huge grin instantly lit up my face, and I nodded.

"Sure." I said, and she looked up at me and grinned.



"So when are you going back home?" Anna asked me as we strolled alongside the river in Camden, eating 'fish and chips'. Anna had insisted we get it after I told her I'd never had it in London before.

"Sunday." I told her, before popping a hot frie into my mouth. She nodded silently as she ate some food herself.

"I don't really want to go back." I said quietly as we wandered over the bridge.

"Let's sit here." Anna said, sinking down onto the ground and slipping her legs between the bars so that they dangled over the quietly flowing river beneath us. I copied her as she asked, "How come?" and looked at me while eating more fries.

I exhaled heavily and picked at the frie in my hand.

"Will have to start dealing with the divorce." I said, with a weak smile.

"Oh."

There was a short silence, before Anna asked in a soft voice, "How come you're getting a divorce?"

I sighed and stared down at the food in my hands.

"It hasn't been working for a while now." I said, and then shrugged. "It was for the best. But it's still hard, you know?"

I looked up at her, and she shrugged herself.

"Well actually, I wouldn't. I'm not going to lie. But I bet it must be hard. Separating from the one you obviously thought you were going to be with forever."

I nodded and stared out at the scattering of lights in the distance. I could hear the sounds of happy, drunken laughter and chatting on the street behind us, and I suddenly wasn't hungry so I placed the styrofoam container on the ground beside me.

Then I sighed again, before looking back at Anna who was silently eating the remainder of her dinner.

"How old are you, anyway? If you don't mind my asking." I said with a lop-sided grin. She grinned back at me.

"Twenty."

I could feel my eyes widen a little, before I shut them and groaned, banging my head lightly against the cool iron bars in front of me.

"Man, make me feel old why don't you."

I heard her laugh and protest, "I'm nearly 21."

I laughed and opened my eyes again to look at her.

"That makes me feel even older!"

"Why!?"

"Because you're the age where you want to be older. Whereas I'm at the age where I'm wishing to be young again."

She snorted. "You can't be that much older than me."

"I'll be 30 this year." I said, a flitter of butterflies passing through my stomach at just the sound of it.

"See, that's not old! You are such a drama queen." She told me, swatting my arm lightly. I laughed.

"Compared to 20 it is."

"No, it's not. If it was I wouldn't be talking to you, would I?" She said, standing up and brushing off the skirt of her dress. "My arse has gone numb."

I laughed again and stood up after her. "Mine too."

"What's the time." She said, fishing her phone out of her bag and looking at the screen. "Half ten." She then said, before exhaling heavily. "I have work in the morning."

"On the stall?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"I work in a spa on some days, otherwise we wouldn't have the money to own the stall." She said, smiling.

"Oh cool. Where is it?" I asked as we began wandering in the direction of her house.

"Near Covent Garden."

"Oh, cool." I repeated. "I like it there."

She smiled up at me, from a good few inches beneath me, even in her heels. I smiled back before, glancing down at her arms covered in goosebumps and thin dress.

"Are you cold?" I asked her, already shrugging off my hoody.

"I'm fine." She told me with another smile, but I wrapped my hoody round her shoulders regardless.

"No, you're not."

"But you'll get col-" She began, and I interrupted her.

"I'll be fine."

"Well, thank you." She said, slipping her arms through the sleeves before zipping it up. It swamped her, and that made me smile to myself.

We chatted idley the rest of the way back to her house, before we stopped outside her gate the same as the night before.

"Well. Thank you for today. It's been lovely." She told me, and I grinned brightly while nodding.

"Yeah, it has." I said, before biting my lip ring nervously as a silence filled the air.

"Well... If I don't see you tomorrow, have a good trip home and-"

"Would you- would you like to have dinner tomorrow night." I interrupted her in a nervous rush, my words almost tripping over themselves. "Just- just as- for showing me the city and stuff."

My cheeks flamed as she stayed quiet, before I glanced up at her through my eyelashes and saw her grinning.

"I'd love to." She said, and I couldn't help the grin smearing across my face.

"Awesome. Well, um..."

"How about I give you my mobile number." She said, and I nodded while quickly pulling out my phone. I dialled it in as she told me and saved it, before snapping my phone shut and returning it to my pocket.

"I'm working til half one, so call me any time after that." She said with a smile, and I nodded again.

"I'll- I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah." She smiled at me again. "Night, Tom."

"Night." I replied as she turned and walked up the pathway to her front door, after unlatching the little gate that I was stood at. I watched her for a few more seconds, before she turned around and waved cheerfully at me as she stood in the lit up doorframe. I grinned and waved back, before slowly turning and wandering down the now familiar road.

I couldn't help the smile smearing across my face as I turned the corner and saw the tube station a few hundred yards ahead of me.

Too bad I'd have to be heading back home in a couple of days, and face all of the shit I'd left behind and, so far, been able to push to the back of my mind most of the time.