Status: Updated at least once a week but probably more 'cause I have no friends

Stay With Me

Chapter 20

OLIVER'S POV:

I was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling lost in thought and hadn't noticed Josh walking in until he sat down on the bed. I jumped in surprise and turned my head to look at him.
"Oli, there's something I need to talk to you about"
Oh fuck.
I knew that voice.
This couldn't be good.
Instead of saying anything I just nodded and moved so that we were facing each other. That didn't mean that I was looking at him though, I was too nervous to do so.
"I have talked with my mom and Hannah about this before asking you 'cause I just wanted everything to be clear before I tell you"
Wait what? Did this mean he was leaving me for Hannah or?
Was he moving in with Hannah and leaving me with his mom? Was he kicking me out and I have to stay with Hannah? What does Hannah even have to do with this?
"Okay?" I just said, not sure of how to respond.
"So uh I don't know if you have noticed but mom has been home a lot more than usual these past few weeks. She told me about 3 weeks ago that she started to feel tired a lot more and that she would make an appointment at the doctors to see that there was nothing wrong" Josh gulped before continuing "So uh she went to the doctors and got herself checked and she's sick. I don't really understand what it is that's wrong but she's going to get worse and worse and are in 1 or 2 weeks or so probably going to be put in a hospital if nothing gets better. But the doctors think they will be able to treat it though so we are hoping for the best. But she's still going to be moving in with her sister in case something goes wrong so she doesn't want us to be all alone at the house and stuff. I talked with Hannah about this and she offered us half of her bedroom. I know it doesn't sound big but it's better than nothing."
I didn't know what to say. Was I really that oblivious? I hadn't noticed that there was anything wrong with Josh's mom. I hadn't even noticed it on Josh. Why did he not tell me this earler? I was angry. But not at him, more at myself. I should've known. I should've noticed.
When I looked in his eyes now what I saw was pain. He had hidden it so well that I had not noticed. Josh seemed to be one of those people that kept everything inside until the bitter end but he still should've told me. I felt a little bit betrayed. He had told Hannah and not me. Did he not trust me enough? Did he trust her more than me? Why was I never good enough?
"Please say something?" Josh begged
"I'm sorry. About your mom I mean" I said, realizing that I was being selfish again. Josh just nodded.
"So what do you think about moving in with Hannah? You're on good terms now, right?"
"Sure." I just said. I mean, there wasn't really much I couldn't do anyway it was going to happen.

--

The next couple of days were kind of messy. We didn't go to school at all 'cause we were too busy moving stuff from Josh's room to Hannahs. And that was quite difficult 'cause no one of us had a driver license or owned a car. You can probably imagine what it looked like carrying that bed all the way from Josh's house to Hannah's appartment. The bed didn't fit in the elevator so we had to take the stairs, which were literally a hell.
Since there was only 1 bedroom in her appartment the night may be quite awkward. I wanted to cuddle up with Josh but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. I wanted to kiss him but I wasn't sure if she quite got the fact that we were together. I mean, we never told her or anything but we never told her that we weren't. Maybe she just understood. I just hoped that she wasn't homophobic or something, that would be pretty bad.

We were currently sitting on our bed while Hannah were in the kitchen cooking or something, I wasn't sure. All I really wanted to do was to go back to Josh's house, which had become my new home, and pretend that his mom wasn't sick. She didn't deserve this. Why did bad things always happen to good people? She was such a nice lady. All I can really do is hope that she gets better. Josh doesn't deserve to lose his mom. No one does.
Josh. He was taking it well. At least I think so, he didn't really want to talk about it and I respected that.
We didn't say anything, just sat there in silence and stared out in front of us. I wasn't sure if he was sad or depressed or okay or felt nothing at all. I couldn't fully relate 'cause I was never as close to my mom as Josh was but I still loved her and it killed me when she died. I wanted to ask him if he was ok but I was too shy to do so.

--

That night must have been one of the most awkward night that I have ever experienced.
I got to sleep close to the wall and Josh next to me. Hannah's bed was on the other side of the room and I was pretty sure that she was asleep but I was still nervous. I was almost even scared to breathe 'cause I thought that she would hear. I get like that sometimes and I'm not really sure why.
I was also forced to take my long-sleeved shirt off because of how hot it was. After all, it was still summer. I kept my arms under the covers and hoped that they would stay there until the morning in case Hannah woke up before me. I didn't want her to see. She would start asking about it like she asked about my family and I would panic and fuck everything up again. Josh didn't need that right now, he needed a friend.
"Can't you sleep?" Josh suddenly whispered and I jumped in shock. I had been pretty sure that he had been asleep.
"No" I whispered back and sighed quietly.
"What's wrong?" he then asked and turned to his side so he was facing me.
I shrugged and kept my eyes glued to the ceiling.
"What if she sees my scars?" I whispered after a couple of seconds had passed.
"What do you think would happen? Josh whispered back.
Lots of things could happen.
She could be angry.
She could kick us out.
She could ask me about it.
She could act concerned.
She could be annoyed.
"Something bad" I chose to answer.
"Hannah is a nice girl, she wouldn't be rude about it"
I didn't say anything after that and neither did Josh, we just laid there in silence until sleep consumed us both.

---

HANNAH'S POV:

I woke up early that morning to make Josh, Oli and I breakfast. That was the least I could do. I could tell Oli was uncomfortable with staying here and it looked like they were going to live here for a while so I just wanted to make the best I could out of the situation.
I stood up from where I was sitting on the bed and tried to be as quiet as possible as I walked over to the door that led to the hallway. I didn't want to wake them. As I carefully opened the door I looked over to where Josh and Oli was sleeping. I got the fact that most people didn't like being watched as they slept but it was a natural habit to see if I'd woken them up I guess. Everything I saw looked so peaceful but there was still something that made me stop in my step and take a second look.
His arms.
One of them was wrapped around Josh's waist as he laid with his face into Josh's neck and what I saw made me hurt quite a lot on the inside. Scars. Everywhere. All the way up.
There seemed to be something sad about Oli but I never thought he would seek comfort in a razor blade. I didn't really know him that well yet and I know nothing about his past but I hope that whatever suffering he went through was put to an end.
I didn't want them to wake up and catch me staring so I hurried out of the room and carefully closed the door behind me.
I had to ask Josh about this later.
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WE RAN OUT OF WIFI AGAIN BUT I'M BACK