Veiled Love

It took us a month to reach my new home. Most of that time was spent crying and sleeping, exhausted from the crying. My mother claims that I had night terrors. On multiple occasions I was forced to wake in the middle of the night by either my mother or my father. I would be drenched in sweat and shaking. I would scream so loudly that the owner of whatever inn we were staying at would come in with a local guard to check to see if anyone was attacked. My father would reassure them that I was alright and they would look at me strangely as if I had some sort of deformity. I don’t remember what was in the nightmares. Maybe it is the lack of a dream, the nothingness that I am afraid of.

When I first saw my father’s estate, a flood of memories overwhelmed me. This was the place I had seen so many times in my dreams. It was the place where Luca and I played as children. The servants came out to greet us and I was reminded that I was no longer a servant but someone to be served. My father had my measurements sent ahead so I could arrive home to new gowns befitting my new station. When I see them this morning in my closet I think of the countless times I had awoken to plain garments and the exhausting duties of the French court. I have been here a week and I still wake feeling like a servant. I am not used to the customs of being a noble or anyone of a status higher than a maid.

Even though the feeling of being served makes me shutter and I have refused the help provided by my father’s staff all week, I decide that the only way to remind myself that I made the right choice in leaving Luca, I have to enjoy my new life. I allow myself to be dressed. My servants style my hair. My breakfast is brought to me in my sitting room, which was giving to me by my father for my own personal use. I try to act like a lady but I feel like a fool the entire time. By lunch, I am so annoyed I run to my mother.

“How can people live like this? I feel like an idiot when they help. I know how to dress myself. I do not need to followed or waited on constantly.”

“I know, darling. It is not easy. Thankfully, this used to be my life long enough for me to be used to it, even if I was a servant for fifteen years. There will be occasions when you will need help. Even when you don’t need help, take it. You know that the servants cannot be dismissed. They need this job and you should know that. It was once your job too.”

“I’m sorry mother. I just can’t help thinking that Korine was right. I would make a terrible queen. I can’t even handle being a noble.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, my love. Don’t think about Korine. She was wrong anyway. A queen is not supposed to be served by her country but to serve. That is why you would have made a great queen. However, she was right in another way. You may have been a great queen, but you are not the queen that Italy needs now. But you know that. You also know that you have to stop being miserable all the time and appreciate where you are.”

“I am not miserable all the time.”

“Yes, you are. Your father sees it, and he is going out of his mind to make it up to you.”

“It’s been a month, mother. I should be fine.” My hands begin to shake. “Why am I not fine? What is wrong with me?”

“My dearest Nicola, nothing is wrong with you. You will be fine, eventually. Just give it a little more time. Soon, it will fade away like a dream.” Another hand on my shoulder startles me. I turn to see my father with a concerned and saddened look on his face.

“I worry for you, my child. I truly wish I hadn’t separated you and Luca. It looked like you loved each other very much. But your mother is right. In time, you will heal, and when you do, maybe you will be able to open your heart to another.” He pulls me into his loving embrace. “Now, I have a present for you that should keep you occupied for a while.”

He walks me out of the room that he and my mother shared, and out of the manor. Across the field lie the stables. I had been avoiding them since we arrived. They remind me of the friends who I left behind in France. Adèlie has yet to write, but she is probably busy preparing her wedding with Noé. It should happen any day now.

The interior of the stables is beautiful. There are ornate carvings all over the wooden poles telling stories of horses and their brave riders. The stalls are kept nicely and each contained a beautiful steed. In a stall on the far end of the building is a beautiful copper colored mare. I go straight towards her, and I can hear my father laughing in the distance. “I thought you would like her.”
“How could I not? She’s perfect. Is she yours?”

“No, she’s yours.” Shocked and speechless I run over to my father and hug him. “She represents your new life,” he continues. “You are no longer a servant. You are Lady Nicola Conti, my daughter, with all of the privileges that entails. I love you, my dear. You will be happy again, I promise you.”

“Milady!” A servant runs over to me and my father and bows respectfully.

“Is everything alright?” My father grabs my arm instinctively.

“I have a letter for Lady Nicola. The rider did not say where it was from.” I take the letter from him.

“Thank you.” The paper looks and feels expensive, however, the wax has no seal that would indicate who it is from. Carefully I open the paper to read four words written in a hand that could only be from one person.

I am coming, Love.

Unable to speak or move, the letter slips out of my hand and onto the stable floor. My father picks it up and reads it quickly. After he is finished, he shoves it into his pocket and rushes me out of the stables.

“We need to leave. He cannot find you.”