Veiled Love

I let my father lead me out of the stables. His face is angered, and his grip tightens until I flinch from the pain.

“How could I be so thoughtless? Of course he would come here first. It was where you grew up. You left with me, so of course I would take you to my house.”

“Father, you have to calm down. You wanted me to be home again. I would have come here too. Now, is there a place where we can hide out until he passes?”

“Back when your mother and I were first married, I built her a cottage in the woods on the grounds. It was her hideout when she was sad or angry. She spent much of her time there when I found out about her past. When she left with you, I kept it clean and ready for when she returned. I’ll have the servants send over supplies for us to stay there for a couple weeks.” My mother is told everything when we arrive back at the manor. Very excited to return and show me my old room, she quickly has the servants prepare our things.

My mother was right when she told me I would need help on certain occasions. I am so overwhelmed with the shock of the letter, that the servants are greatly needed in my packing. They are done so quickly that I can’t help but smile at their work.
By the early evening, everything is packed and ready to be transferred to my mother’s cottage. The ride is short and before long I can see the cottage peeking out through the trees. It is the most beautiful place I could ever imagine. The two story cottage, which is larger than a cottage usually is, is placed in the center of a small clearing in the woods. Surrounded by wildflowers and grass, it looks as if it was grown out of the ground as well. I can see clearly why my mother felt so much comfort here. I would as well.

Not only did my father have our necessities sent over, he also sent for my horse, and some supplies for stitching and sketching. He thought they would help pass the time, while we wait for Luca’s inevitable appearance. Soon, I am settled in and comfortable. Dinner is small and my father promises a grander meal in the days to come. I don’t mind though. All I can do is focus on not thinking about Luca, but no matter how hard I try he is in my mind day and night.

Although I am surrounded by new scenery and activities to take my mind off of the present circumstances, my dreams return.
I am laying on an unfamiliar bed, not alone, but with someone I cannot see. It is as if I was looking down at myself. I can see myself clearly, but the other’s face is obscured.

“What are you thinking about, my dear?” I do not recognize the voice, but in the dream I don’t seem to be startled by it.

“Us. We are married. I get to see you when I wake up.” He reaches for my hand and rubs it gently. I still cannot see his face, but I have only felt this calm once before. It must be Luca. On my hand I see a ring. It is not the one Luca had given me originally, but still beautiful. However, the crest is not his either. I do not recognize the symbol at all.

“I love you. No matter what people say or do, that will not change. I told you we can be happy.”

“I don’t know how I could ever doubt you.” I see the tears coming into my eyes. “Oh no, I don’t want to cry again. This is getting out of hand.” I place my hands on my stomach to find that it is obviously pregnant. He puts his hands over mine.

“There are only a few more months to go, Nicola. We are almost there.” He kisses me gently on the forehead and rearranges himself to lie down more comfortably. “Goodnight, my dear.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

I wake up with a kind of peace. It is the first time since I left France that I do not have a nightmare. However, there are a few things that scare me. Who was with me in the bed? Even though my head believes it was Luca, my gut tells me otherwise. The man’s voice, calming as it seemed, was not one that I have heard before. I decide to put these thoughts aside and take some time to think of some happy times I had in France and draw them.
I remember the gardens, Adèlie and Noé, my mother’s sewing room, and Luca. I know that no matter how hard I try to forget him I cannot. I might as well remember him, his love, and keep these memories close to my heart. I sketch his face, his clear blue eyes. His hair, the very hair I used to run my hands through as we kissed, became dark curly lines on his head. Because of the dream last night, I do not cry. I still feel the peace that the dream has brought me.

Unfortunately, the dream has also brought hope into my heart. The last time I had dreams of Luca, he came to me in France. Although his appearance on my father’s land is inevitable, what if my dream means that he will find me? What if there is hope for our union? What if my father is wrong? But even if my father is wrong, the risk of war with France is something that my nation could not survive. I turn my thoughts elsewhere, but am interrupted by my father.

“How are you this morning? I did not hear you cry out in the night. I was going to check on you, but I feared I would wake you.”

“I slept well. I did not have a nightmare, but I did dream. I dreamt of Luca.”

“I am sorry, my dear. I do not wish you anymore suffering. I wish I could take his memory out of your head and replace it with a new and happier one.”

“I do not wish to forget Luca, or his kindness. I want to remember how happy I was with him, but I want to move on from him. Forgetting Luca, or wanting to hate him, would only mean that I lost part of myself.”

“You are truly like your mother. I am so happy she raised you well. Come with me. I had the servants bring your horse to the cottage so I can teach you to ride.”

My father and I spend hours among the trees, riding, and laughing, and talking. By the end I am able to work my horse into a gallop. For the last hour of my ride, I leave my father and travel a little further on my own. I am in awe of the nature surrounding me. The wood is filled with chestnut trees, tall and strong. All around me I can hear birds and occasionally I see a deer from afar. For a moment I forget all of my troubles and just enjoy the present.

Later towards the evening, my mother comes out and joins us for a picnic dinner. She looks different. It is as if she was never a servant at all. Her appearance and demeanor are regal, like she was born to be the wife of a lady. But every so often I can see her humility through the expensive gowns and jewelry and she becomes herself again.

For a short time, everything seems perfect. That all ends suddenly when my mother sees my sketches, including the one I had drawn that morning of Luca.

“Why are you putting yourself through all of this? I care for you darling and by the look on your father’s face, you seemed to have talked about this, but I hate to see you wasting your time like this.”

“Mother, I am trying. I am really trying to get better. But I am wasting more time trying to forget Luca, when I should be getting over him. I’d rather remember the times when he was good to me and know that he will make a wonderful husband for Korine.”

My father steps in. “You never told me what your dream was about, Nicola. Should I be concerned?”

“No, and I do not wish to speak about it. All you need to know, is that it was not a nightmare. For the first time in a very long time, I was able to sleep through the night. Do you see mother? If I focus my thoughts on remembering Luca, I am able to sleep soundly and for me, that is getting better.” Before my mother is able to speak again, we are interrupted by a servant on horseback.

“My Lord, the Prince has arrived at the manor. He is demanding a place to spend the night until your arrival. The housekeeper sent me with the news. She knew I would not be followed.” The fear and anxiety that had left me during this perfect day had returned. My mother reaches for my hand and holds on tightly.

“Antonio, what are we to do? If he will not leave until your return, we will need to be here much longer than a week.” I know Luca, and he is too determined to leave after a long period of time.

“Father, you must go back to the manor in the morning.”

“What? He will know you are back! He will find you.”

“He cannot find me if you tell him I am elsewhere. You must tell him I kept traveling towards Venice.”

“I have to lie to my future king? This is madness.”

“When he leaves for Venice, he will be chasing nothing and will eventually give up. He has to think that I don’t want him to find me. Telling him the truth is more dangerous than lying. If I saw him I could not trust his actions or mine. I may be getting better but my heart is not yet healed.” The tears I had been holding back start rolling down my cheeks. Of course it was wrong to put my father in such a position, but I could tell by his expression, that he knew I was right.

“I will return to the manor on the morrow. If he asks why I come from the woods, I will tell him that I was hunting. When he leaves for Venice, I will send word and you may come home.”

“Thank you, father. I promise that everything will be alright. No matter what, I know that Luca will not harm you.”

“Luca will not. But this is still treason.” He kisses me on the head gently. “The sky is getting darker. We should return to the cottage. You have to sleep.”

My father keeps his word, and leaves in the morning to receive Luca and lie. The wait is agonizing. I hate putting my father in such a position, but did I really have a choice? We cannot stay in the forest forever. In the late afternoon, a messenger arrives from the manor. My mother takes the note and reads it out loud,

“My dear family,
The plan was successful. Upon hearing the news, the prince was indeed sad, but he is determined to find Nicola. I tried to reason with him, but his mind is made up and has given me an order not to interfere. He is not like the young man I knew before. I fear there may be no changing his mind. I hope that Nicola’s prediction is true, and he will give up when he finds Venice a dead end. Luca is leaving tomorrow morning, and I should be able to send for you in the afternoon. Sleep well tonight. Antonio.”

“I feel horrible, mother. I didn’t want to hurt him. He has changed because his heart is broken. I caused his pain.”

“You only did what was right. He will grow and learn that too. You need to stay strong and focus on getting better. Your heart will mend and so will his.”

I do not sleep. The thought of Luca hurting is haunting me. I want to run to him. I want to comfort him. Instead, I remain awake and draw. I draw him again and again, each time with more detail and accuracy. I only stop when I see that I have cut myself when sharpening my pencil. I missed the tip and cut my finger instead. It is small, but it hurts enough to make me cry softly. The last thing I see is the sunlight coming through the windows, blurred by my tears. I fall into a dreamless sleep.