Veiled Love

Father sent the messenger this afternoon saying that it was safe to return to the manor. Luca’s search party left in the morning, tracked until noon, until it was far enough away to be sure they weren’t returning. Father even sent a couple men with them to be sure they were heading in a direction away from me.

I am so sad to leave the cottage, though I know I can return whenever I wish. My servants pack my belongings as I look out the window and stare into the woods. I let my mind wander and I find that I am happier when I am outside in the woods. I leave the cottage earlier than I mother and the servants so I could be alone for a short while. I ride through the trees and wildflowers. I stop in another clearing and sketch the scenery around me. Part of me doesn’t want to leave when I see the sun setting in the west. By the time I get back to the manor, it is dark, and my mother and father are waiting for me at the door. My mother spoke first.

“You cannot ride in the dark without a guard. We had no idea where you were or if you were safe.”

“I’m sorry, mother. I stopped to draw in a clearing and I lost track of the time. I never meant to be out so late. I didn’t know you would worry this much. I will not do it again.”

“Your mother and I are concerned about you. We know how difficult these past few days have been. We just want to make sure that you are handling it well.”

“That is not all, Nicola. You did not sleep again last night. The servant said your candle was still lit and you were still dressed at your desk when she woke this morning to make breakfast. It has been two days with no sleep. Should I send for a doctor?”

“I am fine, mother. It was the situation that made me a bit anxious. Now that I know I am safe and home I should be sleeping soundly tonight.” My father steps closer to me and reaches out to pull me closer.

“You look pale, my dear, and there are dark rings under your eyes. I am truly worried about your health. For now, go to your room and I will have some tea sent to you. Maybe that will help you relax tonight.”

“Thank you. I will be fine, I promise. Goodnight. I love you both very much.” I try to walk away quickly but my father’s voice stops me.

“I have one more concern. The days are getting shorter. I don’t want you outside alone when it is dark. This is not a palace and don’t have walls or enough men to protect you if you are far and on your own.” His face shows so much concern and I run to hug him. I want him to know that I am well, but at the moment I am not sure. After saying goodnight once again, I hurry to my room.

The tea my father had sent to my room helps me relax but sleep does not come. Strangely, it is not the thought of Luca keeping me awake, but the thought of falling asleep. Although the dream of the man was pleasant, it scared me. I was sure it was Luca at first, but I grow more and more unsure the more I think of it. My dreams had always been of memories or Luca. Whether they were good dreams or nightmares, they had always meant something. Now I am scared of sleep. I was lucky last night when I had no dreams the hour that I slept, but I don’t know if I can have that blessing more than once.

I look around my room for something to keep me occupied. On the bedside table, there is an unopened letter with the French seal imprinted on the wax. I open it to find a letter from Adèlie warning me of Luca’s arrival. If only I had gotten it sooner. Her fears at French court only reiterate my own. Now I can be sure that there is no hope for Luca and me to be wed. In a way, that gives me peace. If Luca and I are not meant to be, then I do not have to worry about how it will happen or at what cost. I can move on.

However, it also brings new fears. How am I to find happiness or love again if I have already given my heart away? Will I ever find it, or will I be forced into an unhappy marriage? Would my father ever do that to me? Did I make a mistake? These thoughts make the thought of sleep impossible and I lie awake in my bed.

Reading the letter reminds me of how much I missed my friends back in France. After writing a detailed letter about my new home and my dreams, I go sit by the fire. I take out my sketch book, which is nearly full already, and I try to remember their faces. Drawing Adèlie’s curly blonde hair and rosy cheeks makes me miss her laugh and gossip. It comforts me to know that she has Noé when she is forced to spend the majority of her time with Korine. I am totally focused on the sketch. When it is completed I take out my brushes and try to paint her. I mix the colors so they are perfect. I lose tract of time and when I finally take my eyes off the painting to look out the window, the sun is peeking through the curtains. I was so focused I don’t even feel tired. The door opens to reveal a servant carrying breakfast.

“Did you sleep today m’lady? You never undressed.” She eyes me curiously and her mannerisms frustrate me.

“I must have dozed off in my clothes. Just place the tray on the table and leave.” Without another word she does as she’s told and leaves. Looking at the food makes me nauseous and I dress without eating.

I don’t even reach the dining room when I can see my parents glaring at me from the bottom of the stairs. Mother looks furious.

“Do not even bother lying to us, Nicola. Your father and I already know you did not sleep last night.”

“How did you know? Do you have the servants spying on me?”

“Not yet, but you can expect that from now on. I came in to check on you last night and I saw you. You were not well.” Slowly the anger changes to concern. “You were talking to yourself, I tried calling out to you but you were so concentrated that you did not or could not hear me.”

“You had no right to come into my room in the middle of the night.”

“I have every right. I am your mother and I know when something is wrong. Now please tell me what is going on.”

“This is my business. I am a grown woman and I have the right to make my own decisions. I do not have to listen to you. I am leaving.”

“Nicola, is everything alright? I am beginning to think we are not talking about the same thing.”

“I can leave. I am making the right decision. I can leave. I’m sorry.” With no control over my thoughts and actions, I run toward the door, my frightened parents immobilized.

My thoughts are blurred and I can barely see what’s in front of me. I don’t know where I am going or why. Before I know it, I am on a horse riding into the morning fog. The only thought that is clear is that I am alone and that brings tears to my eyes.

Faster and faster I ride towards the woods. The ride is filled with sharp turns and sudden jumps. Thunder roars in the distance, frightening the horse, and I fall to the ground. My head is wet despite the lack of rain and I touch it only to find blood from where my head hit a sharp rock. What is happening to me?

The world around me starts to go black but I can hear a voice calling out.

“My lady, are you alright? Can you hear me?”

“Luca?”

“No, can I take you to him? Is he in the forest too? Do not close your eyes. Focus on me.”

“I’m so sorry Luca.”

“Please stay with me. Can you tell me where you live?”

“I made a mistake.”

“This is no use. I need to take you to the manor on the grounds. Can you move?” I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my arm, and I cry out. “Your arm is broken. I will try to be careful but the ride will be painful.” The pain brings me back to consciousness.

“Where am I?”

“You fell in the woods on the grounds belonging to Antonio Conti. Can you hear me now?” He lifts me onto the horse gently.

“Yes. I am Antonio Conti’s daughter. How did I get here? I was painting in my room, and then I was screaming in pain.”

“You seem feverish. I need to get you home. It will be a long ride, so just sleep. I will try not to hurt your arm.” As if I had no choice, I drift off for the first sleep I have had in days.