I'm Fine.

Have you ever felt so insecure about yourself? Like, when you look I'm the mirror and you try and find all your flaws? Or when you look at yourself naked in the mirror, you feel like crying because you don't have that Barbie figure you've always wanted? Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. I don't know why I always feel like this. I feel disgusting! I feel like dying.

Suicide was always on my mind.

My mother would look for therapists for me to go to because of the eating disorder I have, she gives me food and makes sure I always eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Which is no use because I end up in the bathroom 30 minutes later. My father was out of the picture, he was in a plane crash when I was 8. My dad was the one who would tell me I'm beautiful. He would bring me and my mom flowers every Friday and kiss our foreheads and tell us he loved us.
When he passed, I was devastated. I started to be more and more depressed everyday, and now I guess it's coming back to me again.

When I was 12, my mother started dating again. I was okay with it, I just wasn't happy with idea of someone replacing my dad.

I look back up at the mirror and sigh. "God, please help me." I pray. I get up and began to put my clothes back on. Right when I put on my long sleeve again, my mother knocks on my door.

"Hey. I'm going shopping, do you want to tag along?"

"Uh, no," I say shaking my head. "I'll stay here and clean up for you." I say.

"Logan, please. I don't want you home alone."

I shake my head again.

"Alright then. Do you need anything from the mall?" She asks.

I need more long sleeves.

"Never mind, I'll just go with you." I said grabbing my phone of my night stand.

***

My mother went to Bath and Body Works, while I went into Journey's. A girl can never have to many Vans and Converse right? I walk up to the shelf with all the Vans, and start to look for a pair that I don't already have.

"Need any help?" A deep voice says.

Dane.

I look into his eyes and look back at the shelf. "Uh, no thanks. I'm fine."

"You sure?...Hey! You're that girl from earlier at school today...Logan! I'm sorry I bumped into you." He says as he rubs the back of his neck.

"It's okay." I chuckle.

"I'm Dane by the way." He says. I smile and look away.

"Dane! Quit flirting and get back to work!" A large man says.

"I think you should get back to work." I laugh.

"Nah, why would I if I have a beautiful girl in front of me to talk to?" He says. My breathing stops for a moment. He called me beautiful.

"Thank you." I say grabbing the maroon colored shoe. "Size four please." I say as he laughs. He takes the shoe from my hand, our fingers touching for just a second. "Be right back." He says as he looks into my eyes.

***

"Logan, can you come here for a second?" She says. She was in my room... I hated when she went in my room. I mean what teenager likes thier parent in their room? Not me!

"What is this?" She says as she held up a card I had made for my dad when I was 10. I remember like it was yesterday.

10 YEARS AGO:

I was making my dad a card just for the hell of it. I colored it and made a drawing of me, my Mother and of course my Father. The card was made from computer paper, and a lot of crayons. My hair was in braid and I was wearing a blue puffy dress with white low-top converse. I ran to my mother with the card I had made, only to see her in tears talking on the phone.

"Mommy?" I asked. "Mommy, what's wrong?"

"Honey, go to your room, please." She sobbed.

"Mommy, are you okay?" I asked getting slightly worried. I decided to go to my room and call my dad from the house phone like I always did. This time he didn't answer. I ran back to my mother as quick I as I could. This time she was on the couch with her head in her hands, crying.

"Mommy, Daddy isn't answering his phone. He always answers!" I say. She sobs, which gets me worried.

"Mommy, where is Daddy?" I ask.

"Daddy isn't going to be home for a while sweetie." She says as she takes me on her lap. "Why not?" I asked.

"You're daddy, he, he had an accident." She cry's.

"Where is he?" I ask getting annoyed and my eyes starting to water.

"He's with God baby." She says. I looked at her with watery eyes and hopped off her lap, running to my room. I knew exactly what she meant by that. I learned in Church school that when people die, they go live with God.

I ripped the card up in to big pieces and knocked the crayons off my desk. I stomped on the pieces and screamed.

"WHY GOD! WHY DID YOU TAKE MY DADDY AWAY FROM ME! WHY GOD! WHY!?" I yelled. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME GOD! WHY?" I scream, this time with tears coming down my eyes as I drop my small body to the floor. I look at the pieces of the ripped up card. More tears came down my eyes as I tried to fit them back like a puzzle. I put them back together with tape.

My daddy was gone....