Delirium
White Lips, Pale Face
Alex was tired. She was tired of herself, and she was tired of everything else.
Since her most recent relapse, Alex had hit her all time low. She didn’t leave her bed, she didn’t sleep; life ticked by at a painstakingly slow pace but really only a day had passed before Johnny made his announcement.
“I have some friends visiting.” He tried to catch her eye as he placed some soup next to her lifeless form slumped amongst her pillows staring gormlessly ahead, eyes glazed over with fatigue. In her head she felt she acknowledged his statement sufficiently but her body didn’t actually make a movement or a noise.
She couldn’t give two shits if he had friends visiting; it would keep him away from her and would hopefully give her some relief from the tidal waves of guilt that threatened to drown her every time he stepped over the threshold of her bedroom.
“They’re staying for a while... We’re going to be doing some work together.”
Her eyes flickered shut as her whole anatomy sighed in frustration. She felt sick, but there was nothing to throw up. She wouldn’t have the energy even if there was. Her lips were cracked, and stuck to her teeth from the lack of saliva in her dehydrated mouth. Her skin felt taut like stretched canvas yet oily and grimy. She couldn’t remember the last time she washed. She knew she smelt but she really didn’t care. Her white-blonde hair was flat, lifeless and greasy. Her eyes stung and she knew they were red-rimmed from exhaustion.
“I’ll come see you later, eat your soup. I’ll run you a bath in a bit.”
His words washed over her and shame forced itself up her throat in the form of vile stomach acid, burning her insides. Why had she let herself get beaten down like this, and why didn’t she want to change it?
The answer echoed within her: death was easier.
Since her most recent relapse, Alex had hit her all time low. She didn’t leave her bed, she didn’t sleep; life ticked by at a painstakingly slow pace but really only a day had passed before Johnny made his announcement.
“I have some friends visiting.” He tried to catch her eye as he placed some soup next to her lifeless form slumped amongst her pillows staring gormlessly ahead, eyes glazed over with fatigue. In her head she felt she acknowledged his statement sufficiently but her body didn’t actually make a movement or a noise.
She couldn’t give two shits if he had friends visiting; it would keep him away from her and would hopefully give her some relief from the tidal waves of guilt that threatened to drown her every time he stepped over the threshold of her bedroom.
“They’re staying for a while... We’re going to be doing some work together.”
Her eyes flickered shut as her whole anatomy sighed in frustration. She felt sick, but there was nothing to throw up. She wouldn’t have the energy even if there was. Her lips were cracked, and stuck to her teeth from the lack of saliva in her dehydrated mouth. Her skin felt taut like stretched canvas yet oily and grimy. She couldn’t remember the last time she washed. She knew she smelt but she really didn’t care. Her white-blonde hair was flat, lifeless and greasy. Her eyes stung and she knew they were red-rimmed from exhaustion.
“I’ll come see you later, eat your soup. I’ll run you a bath in a bit.”
His words washed over her and shame forced itself up her throat in the form of vile stomach acid, burning her insides. Why had she let herself get beaten down like this, and why didn’t she want to change it?
The answer echoed within her: death was easier.
♠ ♠ ♠
Title credit: The A Team, Ed Sheeran (2011)So.... I'm really shit at this regular writing thing.
Been a bit hectic, I'm an events management student and let me tell you now, shit has been getting super real this last few months with moving to the other side of the country, moving into a new flat, eating chinese, quitting smoking and planning events and partying etc. (I'm making excuses, I know, and I'm really sorry).
And to add to it all I'm starting a job soon so just maybe don't expect too much? I'll always try, but might not always deliver the goods.
Sorry it's short. There's more coming I promise (I'm writing it right now) and we'll be getting this whole thing to build up and hopefully come to fruition soon. (I've dragged this out for long enough now....)
For those who can still be bothered with me - THANK YOU.
Anyone new - I swear I'm not crazy and lazy all the time, so WELCOME.
XXXXX