The Fear of Falling Apart

"Mommy!"

"Amelia baby." Jessica smiled picking her daughter up as she came into the house. Managing to juggle the child and bags of groceries.

"Welcome home." Nicole smile from the couch.

"Is that marker?" Jessica frowned looking at her friend's face.

Nicole shrugged "I can't tell a sick child no so I let her draw on me."

"Really?" Jessica grinned.

"She asked nicely."

"But on your face, Nicole?"

Nicole frowned. "My face? She drew what she claims is a unicorn on my arm."

"And a rainbow on your face."

Nicole got up quickly and looked at her face in the mirror hanging in the living room. Amelia had in fact drawn a very wavy and out of color order rainbow across Nicole's cheek bones and nose.

She turned a playful glare on Amelia. "You little brat, I thought we were friends."

"Friends let Friends draw on them." Amelia answered with a giggle. "Everyone knows that Cool."

Nicole rolled her eyes and Jessica laughed. Amelia had not been able to pronounce Nicole when she had first started talking. Nicole determined that she would be the first one of Jessica's friends whose names that Amelia learned thought that Cole would have been easier for her. Amelia had gone to calling Nicole, Cool instead and no matter how many times they tried to correct her. Nicole had finally just accepted that Cool was her name now. Besides there were worse things that a four year old could call you.

"Is that so?" she asked raising an eyebrow. "Then are you going to let me draw things all over your face?"

"No Silly." Amelia smiled "I have to go to pre-school tomorrow, I can't have drawings all over my face."

"I have to go to work tomorrow, you little demon." Nicole answered, with a small glare. "What am i suppose to tell people when they see a rainbow across my cheek bones?"

"That you spent the day with a poor sick child that you adore more than anything in the world?" Amelia smiled.

Nicole turned mildly annoyed eyes to Jessica, who was trying not to laugh at her. "Amelia's fever is gone." she informed Jessica, "she should be just fine to go to pre-school with you tomorrow."

"Thank you for watching her for me." Jessica smiled.

"Anything for you and the midget." Nicole smiled, "I had the day off anyway."

"I'm not a midget." Amelia argued "I'm almost taller than you."

Nicole raised an eyebrow but smiled "Not quite yet kid."

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Jessica asked as Nicole picked up her laptop case.

"Nah," Nicole smiled, ruffling Amelia's hair as she walked past the two. "I've got to work at the hospital tomorrow, plus a meeting at Vegas Magazine early in the morning."

"Really Nicole?" Jessica sighed. "You can't be a nurse and a big shot magazine writer."

"Why not?" Nicole asked looking down at her shoes, holding the front door open slightly.

"You are going to work yourself to death."

Nicole smiled and looked up at Jessica for a minute before looking back down at her shoes and watching them as she tapped the toes of one converse against the heel of the other. "Yeah I know." Nicole looked up at her and smiled weakly. "But I'm doing what I feel like is making a difference and I'm doing what makes me happy. What else am I suppose to do?"

"Just what makes you happy." Jessica smiles.

"Helping people makes me happy just as much as writing does." Nicole smiled "Stop being my mom, you are only six months older than me."

"I'm not being your mom."

"Then stop trying be my psychologist. I keep telling you to go to school and get a degree so you can get paid for telling people what their problems are."

"We have gone over this Nicole, even if I wasn't too busy with work and Amelia there is no way I could afford college." Jessica sighed.

"I would pay for it."

"By getting a third job and really kill yourself?" Jessica frowned.

Nicole held up her hands in surrender. "Sorry, I was just offering. Good-bye Amelia."

"Bye Cool."

Nicole gave them one last smile before walking out of the house and shutting the door behind her. Jessica let out a sigh and carried Amelia into the kitchen.

"What do you want for dinner, baby?" Jessica asked setting her down at the kitchen table.

"Cool cooked Chilli and Mac and cheese." Amelia answered. "She put it in the fridge so we could eat together when you got home."

Jessica smirked as she pulled the container out of the fridge. "Of course she did. What else did you and Cool do while you were sick."

"She played Go Fish with me." Amelia answered, watching her mother place the tubberware in the microwave.

"I thought you said you were too old to play Go Fish." Jessica smiled pressing the start button on the microwave.

"Cool said she would cry if I didn't play with her."

Jessica held back a snort, sometimes she swore that Nicole had never become mentally older than seven. Sometimes it was Amelia who forced Nicole to make a mature decision.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Baby."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Amelia." Jessica smiled, pulling the container out of the microwave. "You know you can always ask me anything."

"Where is my dad?"

Jessica almost dropped the plate she had been spooning Chilli Mac on. She turned and looked at her daughter and was utterly speechless. Amelia had never before asked about her about Andy, so why was she now?

"Did something happen sweetie?"

"No." Amelia answered, looking down at her hands. "Alley and Sam were just telling me about how their dad was a cop and when they asked me what the daddy did I told them I didn't know because I don't have one. They said I was weird if I didn't have a daddy because everyone does."

Jessica forced back the tears that were welling up in her eyes and kneed down beside Amelia's chair so she was eye level with her. "Look at me, honey." Jessica sighed and brushed Amelia's bangs out of her face. "I love you, baby. Do you love me?"

"Yes." Amelia answered, looking down at her hands again.

Jessica lifted her chin lightly with one finger. "Your daddy didn't love me, baby. He chose to not be part of our family. I love you more than anything ion the world and I would do anything to make you happy."

"I know, Mommy."

"I'm a sorry that you don't have a daddy, sweetheart. If I could get you one I would, but you are too precious to me to just let anyone be your daddy. I would have to find someone that was just as wonderful as you are, darling, and pickings are slim."

"Okay."

"Am I enough for you for until I can find someone special enough to be your dad?" Jessica asked sadly.

"Of course you are, mommy." Amelia cried, jumping into her mother's arms. "I love you."

"I love you too, darling. Don't you ever let anyone tell you are weird again, I don't care what their reason is. Do you understand me?"

"I love you." Amelia sobbed.

Jessica held her tight and held back er own tears. "I love you too, Baby."