Red Is for Traitor

The years passed with my contact with others being limited to my brother. After receiving my cloak of blood red my mother all but acted like I did not exist, I was never close with Ferguson or my step sister so no physical contact there, and everyone treated me like a pariah. People on the streets would literally part for me so they would not have to touch me. As if liking werewolves was a disease they could catch. It made me chuckle at first at how ridiculous they were. However, over time I could feel how isolating their treatment of me was, but even that feeling faded until it too was part of a routine. Arawn ended up having to do everything for me when it came to interacting with people. If I went out to go shopping, he would have to be the one to actually buy the food or I would return home with nothing. I was invisible to these people as if I was ghost. They ignored me, but 'sensed' I was around thus never stepped near me.
It was hard at first. I was human and wanted to interact with others even if they were sometimes insufferable. The desire to be seen and heard was ingrained in me like anyone else, however I was a traitor and deserved no acknowledgment. Only if I did something illegal would my existence have repercussions, but other than that I no longer existed. Even to new people in the city would I be ignored. The moment they saw my red cloak their eyes would awkwardly divert and they would continue on their way. Only Arawn talked to me and after a while his touch was something I shied away from. I still loved his presence and enjoyed the rare times we were able to talk, but I was so out of practice with human affection that it made me uncomfortable. He would still 'force' his touch on me in little ways though. Hand on my back when ushering me out, sleeping back to back when I snuck into his room so I wasn't alone, hugging me in greeting or farewell, and things like that. I knew it was because he felt bad for how I was being treated, but a part of me just wanted to cut that last string so I could no longer yearn for it. But he never listened and sometimes I am thankful for his stubbornness.
There was a positive side to being considered a pariah in the city and the house I lived in, I was able to do as I pleased. Although the judge denied my step father from throwing me out of the house, he no longer cared where I went. I often slipped out and walked the forest that surrounded the city. Never straying far, but practicing skills that had gone rusty during my time learning to be a proper lady. I re-carved a bow, strung it, and craved arrows. Over the three years since I picked up archery again, I had once more mastered the art and could run through the woods as though my feet never touched the ground. On his days off, Arawn would join me and together we would hunt, only this time never striking. We would shoot close to the animal, but never kill since we could not take it home. It was times like these where it felt like we were kids again in the forest our grandmother called home. I longed to return, but was never allowed.
Until one early fall day when our mother received a letter from our old village. Arawn and I were crouched on the steps as we listened to our mother and step-father talk. Our grandmother had apparently fallen ill and the villagers suggested mother return to help her until she was better. They were weary however of her recover and suggested she spent the last remaining days that grandmother had with her. I looked to Arawn with sadness and surprise on my face. Not only was grandmother one of the most healthy women I knew, but it was strange to think she wouldn't live forever. He held my hand as we continued eavesdropping. Mother apparently did not want to go, saying it was too far for someone of her age to make and then to have to care for an elderly person. I squeezed Arawn's hand in fury at how heartless my mother had become. For once I was not the only one angry, Arawn's face turned cold as my mother continued to make excuses as to why she could not return. During her rant I grew so furious I stood, only for my twin to pull me down and hold me until I calmed down. I huffed and remained silent in his lap.
"Send your troublemaker of a daughter. She can care for the ailing woman." Ferguson suggested in a more commanding voice than an offer. Arawn and I looked at each other startled and leaned forward eagerly listening. "We can finally get rid of her."
"That is a brilliant idea Ferguson." Our mother cooed. We gagged at the sweetness in mother's voice knowing she was probably sauntering closer to her husband. It was silent except for a few giggle which caused us nearly to actually gag. When we heard footsteps heading our way, we quickly but quietly ran upstairs so as not to get caught. We had just made it to Arawn's room when our step-father called for me.
"Macha, get down here now!" With a grin, I headed to the study where step-father and mother waited for me.
My face was curious as I knocked and entered. "Yes? You called?"
"I have received word that your grandmother has fallen ill. We have decided that it would be best for you to go and care for her." My mother looked at me as if waiting to rid me of her sight. "You will be leaving tomorrow."
I tried valiantly and with success to hide my glee. "If that is what you wish." I knew how to play obedient daughter well.
"That is it, go pack. You will be leaving early morning." Ferguson waved in hand in dismissal. I curtsied, but the moment I was out of the door I rant o my brother's room. "I am leaving!" I all but screamed.
Arawn smiled as he pulled me into a hug. I protested only a little before not caring and hugging him back."I am happy for you, Max. How are you getting there?"
I pulled back looking stumped. "I. I do not know. They only told me I was leaving."
"Maybe I can get out of here too." He grinned. "Wait here." He was out the door in seconds as he went to talk to the parents. Unable to stay still, I went back to our hiding spot and listened as Arawn tried to convince them to let him go. He used every reason under the sun to let him go. How I shouldn't go alone since I was a female (normally I'd be angry but if it got Arawn away from the city I could let it go), how she was his grandmother that he loved dearly and if she was ill he should make sure she gets better as second male of the family (since Ferguson of course had to stay and care for the shop), and lastly due to his apprenticeship being on hold (due to the man's business bankrupting) he should go and pay his respects to our father. Not for the first time I thought Arawn would make an excellent lawyer, but I knew that was not where his heart lied. If it was his choice he would do something with nature instead of the dreary world of the city.
An unknown time later, Arawn walked up the stairs shaking his head with a smile on his face. He helped me up and together we giddily talked about going home. We had to force ourselves to go to bed so we could travel in the morning. I ended up sleeping in his bed, not that it was uncommon. Just as Ferguson said, we were heading out of the city as the sun started lighting up the sky. With only a pack for each of us, we talked for hours enjoying the dirt trails between cities and town. The first few days worth of travels I was treated like in our city. People stayed clear of me, did not look or talk to me, and refused to let me stay in any lodging. We ended up mostly sleeping in the woods. It reminded me of when I was a child and I would often sleep in the forest. A few times we met some secret sympathizers who let us stay in their barn or house for the night. It wasn't often, but it really helped when it was raining or storming.
The last day we managed to hitch a ride with a man who was heading into our old village. We hopped off right before, unsure of we wanted to walk through or skirt around it through the forest. We ended up walking through the forest and found that our feet knew exactly where to go. It was like being children again. Nothing seemed to have really changed except now we were older and far different than when we had left. When we finally arrived at the cottage grandmother lived in I nearly wept. It had been over ten years since the last I saw it and it still felt like home. We knocked and were greeted by a man who was caring for her while we traveled to the village. We greeted him and immediately went to the woman we missed the most while gone. She gave us a weak smile and demanded to touch us. Arawn hugged her while I knelt down and her hand. "We are here now Grandmother, we will take care of you." I whispered as a few tears dripped down my cheeks.
"I ahm glad." She started coughing and our job began.
After two weeks we realized that our grandmother was most likely never going to recover and that we were there until she passed. After the second week, Arawn went to the village and got a job as a wood cutter. While he worked during the day, I cared for grandmother and went hunting. Arawn was of course still far better at preparing meals than I, but I could handle stew and simple things like that. I would not leave her long, fearing the worst. So I went out when she was conscious and hunted the first deer or rabbits I saw and then returned. I never had time to think how odd it was for me to never see the pack I once called friends. It was not until the third week that I even remembered that a wolf pack existed in the forest.
I was hunting a swift seasoned doe when I heard whimpering. Taking only a second to think on my action, I turned away from my prey and went in search for the sound. A small child of about four was crying. Not seeing any blood, but not sure how hurt the child was I slowly left my hiding place. "Are you alright young one?" I asked with my bow slung over my back and hands showing I meant no harm. It yipped in surprise, silver eyes flashing as it went to hide in some nearby bushes. Memories of the first time I met a werewolf flickered through my mind. "It is okay, I mean no harm." I called to him as I continued my slow approach. I could hear his young growl that sounded more fearful than threatening. "I promise I am a friend. What are you doing all alone here?" I crouched down once I was only a few feet from the bush he hid in.
It was quiet until he finally whimpered out, "Lost. Don't know where I am." His voice wobbled with tears. He crawled out a little so I could at least see him.
"How did you get so far away from your den?"
He looked at me surprised which quickly turned suspicious. "How you know?" He demanded.
"Your eyes flashed when I startled you." I gave a smile. "I am sorry I did."
He looked down as he muttered, "It fine."
"Do you need help finding your den? Or at least your territory?" He gave a sad nod as fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. "Then I will help you. Let us find your home." I stood up and offered my hand. He looked at it a moment as he sniffed the air. Once satisfied with my strange scent (that caused him to sneeze a little), he took my hand and we started west. I remembered where the main Den once was, having visited it quite a few times. It bothered me however, that the pup did not find the comforting scents of his pack where we were. I knew the Moonshadow pack was nomadic, but it always traveled to where we were during the summer months. I hoped they were okay.
"How did you end up away from your pack?" I asked as I helped him up a steep hill.
He looked down ashamed, "Poppa not let me out of Den. I want see fowest. I want chase wabbits." His pout was adorable.
"Your poppa is probably very worried about you."
"I miss him."
I stopped and knelt before him, "Then when you see him, you must hug him and tell him you are sorry. Then tell him how much you missed him. Okay?" I smiled again, this time bigger. He nodded his head vigorously to the point I thought it would fling off. "Good." I took his hand once more and we continued on our way.
After an hour or so of walking, the pup's nose lifted as familiar scents hit him. He wiggled with excitement until we finally crossed into his territory. He let out an excited, but yearning howl that was quickly answered. He turned to me with an excited smile, "Gwamma!" I smiled back and watched as he ran forward.
He was quickly enveloped by an older woman with long dark brown/red hair. "Zane!" She held him tight as she scented him. Not wanting to disturb them, I quickly yet silently turned and began the trek home. Once I was closer to the cottage I found three rabbits to hunt. My grandmother was sleeping by the time I returned from my hunt. I pulled her blankets closer before starting the slow process of making dinner for the night. As I worked I wondered to myself why I had fled from the she-wolf. I had never reacted as I had, running as fast as I could to get away from a non-threatening wolf. I always interacted with them when I could and yet when I saw the woman everything in me told me to run. What had I become?
A month into our stay, I was walking back from the village. I needed to buy flour and some wheat so I could bake some bread. Halfway to the cottage, a tall young man in his early to late twenties came out from behind a tree. He stalked over towards me with narrows eyes. "What are you doing in this forest?" He stopped a few feet away with crossed arms. His face morphed in disgust as my scent drifted over to him.
I looked at him with my head held high, "I am visiting grandmother. She is sick."
"Walking the forest alone is dangerous. There are many dangers in here." He warned.
"I will be fine. I know this forest and do not fear it."
He gave a snort with a face that did not believe anything I said. "Don't say I didn't warn you, Red."
"I can care for myself, wolf." I bit back and marched on. I heard him growling behind me but it never grew closer nor did I look back. That was my first dealing with the young man. At least once a week I would run into him warning me to leave the forest and never return and each time I would make a snide remark back and move on. When I did not see him, I would sometimes find the pup I helped running around to which I would always return him to his territory. He told me he always got in trouble when he ran away, but he found it fun when I found him. I let out a laugh before we began our journey to his Den area.
"I met a pup much like yourself here once." I told Zane when we stopped by a stream to rest for a little while.
"You did?" He looked at me wide eyed.
"Yes, actually we walked here so he could soak his foot in the stream. He had been caught in a hunter's trap and popped his ankle out of place."
"Wooooow." Zane's face went from wonderment to scowling. "I no like huntews. they hurted my pack."
"I am sorry." I watched as he continued to throw small rocks into the water. "We became friends for a short time."
"You like wolfs?"
"Yes."
"Are you friends now?"
I knew my faced showed sadness, but I could not hide it from him. "No, I have not seen him in years."
"Why?" His brows knitted together.
"I let because my mother married. I lived far away in a city many weeks journey from here."
His mouth dropped. "Woow. I no magine living anywhewe else."
Me either, until I was forced. "I hope you do not have to ever leave, this forest is beautiful." He nodded in agreement and a silence feel between use. Once he was satisfied with playing, I walked him to his territory line and like all the other times disappeared before another wolf arrived.
In the late fall after bringing Arawn a basket of lunch, I took a deep breath and walked to the village's cemetary. I walked slowly through it before standing before a very specific one. Grey Lightwood. I stood before it looking down at the small stone plaque that was my Pa's headstone, marking for all time where he laid buried. Years later, it was still hard to believe that he was dead. I still sometimes expected myself to wake up from this nightmare and see my Pa's smile eyes looking at me.
I was so lost in thought I did not realize I was being watched. From across the way, a small family gathered secluded from all the rest. The wolf that always seemed to stop me in the forest greeted with open arms the pup I had becomes friends with. "Poppa!!" Zane cried with excitement as he snuggled into his father's embrace.
"Zane." The man rumbled happily before looking up at the others who had accompanied the pup. "Mamma, Corbin, Mia, Stephen." He greeted his packmates next, showing all the affection a wolf would to his pack.
Zane waited patiently for the formalities when a scent that he had become accustomed to flowed on the wind towards him. "Gwamma." He tugged on the oldest wolf's skirt. "That lady I telled you." He pointed over to my red hooded figure in the cemetary. All the wolves turned to see who he was talking about.
The father of Zane scowled and commented, "I've seen her in the woods and keep trying to warn her out of them." He picked up his son protectively.
Zane's grandmother said nothing until she confrimed, "She stands before Grey Lightwood's grave. Very few visit his grave anymore, not since his family disappeared." Her eyes slid to her son's. "They may have returned, Sindri. You did say that a new wood cutter joined you a month back. His name is similar to Arawn's." Sindri began to emmited a low aggresive growl that caused Zane to whimper.
Cursing himself, Sindri forced himself to stop. "Sorry pup." He rubbed his cheek against his son's. "I hope not." He replied flatly.
"Why, wouldn't this be good? You can finally-" Mia cut herself off when her brother's eyes gleamed in warning.
"Do you know the lady Poppa?" Zane asked innocently.
"Maybe, I don't know." He replied honestly with a sigh.
"She like wolfs. She helped me and nother pup."
"What other pup?"
Zane shrugged, "Nother pup. He hurted his foot." The next time the group looked over, I was gone. I was back in the forest heading to take care of grandmother. During my one on one times with her, she would instill knowledge in me like when I was a child. She continued to teach me about different herbs, plants, recipes, and of course that all living creatures deserved a chance to live. Even after all these years and being forced to think like a city dweller, I still held dear the belief that everything deserved to live. However, with that came the need to kill other living creatures to live and I fell into hold habits of praying for each life I took.
Like many other days, I was walking the forest to look for medical plants. The day was growing colder thus I was trying to collect as many as possible to stock up for the winter. I was near the clearing I usually met Zane when I noticed movement to my right. I quietly crept closer to find a hunter dressed in all dark green moving slowly towards our spot. Biting my lip, I quietly hurried to where Zane sat playing with some stick. Since he was still only a pup, he never realized I was behind him. The moment my finger slipped over his mouth his tiny were teeth bit into them. I cringed, but did not raise my voice above a whisper. "There is a hunter heading our way, follow my lead Zane. Okay?" He nodded as he shook in fear. I picked him up and turned my back to where the hunter was coming from. I started talking to him about the medicinal uses of sage.
"Good afternoon ma'am." I turned to see the hunter enter our clearing.
Zane hid his face in the crook of my neck as I greeted back, "Good afternoon sir, what are you doing in these forests?" I gave a kind smile while rocking back and forth.
"I should be asking you the same thing. It be dangerous for young woman and children to be in this forest. There be dangerous animals like wolves hunting about."
I felt Zane rumble and prayed the hunter did not hear him. "I came to pick some sage before winter. You cannot teach a child too young about plants and herbs. Aye?"
"I suppose not, but nonetheless," His eyes swept over my body and the pup in my arms. "There are dangers."
"Thank you sir, we best be off then before we are harmed. Come little one, time to return home. Good day sir." I gave a curtsy and started walking away. I thought at first he was not going to follow, but all too soon I heard his feet crunch against the hard forest floor. After a half a mile of walking I turned. "Is there a problem sir? You have been following us."
"Sadly, there is." He gave shrug as his eyes turned deadly. "I know what that thing in your arms is and what your cloak means." He pulled out a knife and slowly stalked towards us.
Zane whimpered in my arms and protested when I put him down along with my basket. I pushed him behind me as I replied, "He has done nothing wrong to warrent your hostility."
"His kin has and he will one day be as murderous as them. Sorry ma'am, but I have to kill that monster and take you in."
"As far as I know, being friends with one is not a crime. I have paid my dues for helping one and not only would you being killing a child you will also upset his pack. I suggest you head back to the village and leave us be, we have done no wrong here." I reached into one of my pouches behind my back and grabbed a handful of powder.
"Sorry ma'am, can't do that." As he lunged forward, I threw the powder in his face blinding him. As he cried out and clawed at his eyes, I placed my basket near a tree and ran with Zane in my arms. Even with a pup clinging to me, I gracefully ran through the forest I knew so well. It was almost second nature to head towards Zane's pack. Although I was a swift runner, the hunter eventually caught up to us. I looked behind me and made a split second decision.
"Zane, run back to your Den." I commanded as I placed him down and squared myself to fight. He tried to protest, but I would not let him. "Zane, go!" With a yip, he dashed off. "I suggest you leave before you have bigger problems than I."
"Can't do that, hunter code. Besides, you attacked me I have all rights now."
"I reacted in self-defense."
"No one will believe you. Not with that red cloak of your's." He gave a cruel grin and so we fought. It was a tiring game of stay away with me alwasy on defense and him on offense. At some point he sliced me cheek and caused me to tumbled to the ground. When I looked up from the floor I found him standing over me with his knife at my throat. "Time's up, ma'am." The moment his cool blade touched my skin we both froze. His eyes looked up in fear as growling from an unknown source surrounded up.
"I highly suggest you remove that blade from the young woman's neck." A cool and elegant voice suggested. I could not see the woman, but knew she stood only a few feet behind me.
"You don't think I can't take on you and this girl? I'm a hunter!" He yelled even though his eyes held fear.
"Who said I was alone?" I watched the blood drain from his face and pictured pairs of silver eyes staing at him. "Drop the knife and leave our forest. Do not return." She waited only a few seconds before commanding, "Leave." The man cautiously stood up and backed away until he disappeared into the woods.
"Should we follow him?" A masculine voice asked behind me.
"Yes, three of you go. Remain hidden and make sure he leaves. Don't actually harm him." I heard rustling behind me as three of the wolves left. "Are you alright?"
I finally turned and looked into familiar turquoise eyes. "Fine, thank you." I stood up and dusted myself off. I froze when her hand touched my chin to inspect my wound.
"Come back with us and we shall tend to the cut." Her eyes looked into my eyes causing me to look away.
"I am fine, you do not need to help any further." I tried to pull away from her proximity.
I felt her eyes watching me before she replied, "You saved one of our pups from a hunter, it is the least we can do." This time she did not touch me, instead held her hand out towards the direction of the Den. With slight hesitation I followed the other packmates until we appraoched a clearing I knew well. Very little had changed and yet there were so few wolves now that the space looked bigger. "Sit on the stone please, I will attend to you there."
I did as I was told, but once she was about to begin I asked, "Should the Alpha be tending to wounds of a stranger?"
Her hands continued to move as her eyes looked up and into mine. "You do remember me then." I did not reply, but it did not seem to bother as she continued, "I am no longer the Alpha of this pack. I stepped down a few years back. You may call me Trista if you wish." I flinched when her salve stung. "How have you been Macha, you have been gone a long time?"
"Fine, grandmother is sick and Arawn and I are caring for her." The three wolves returned just as Trista finished.
"They're out of our forest." The eldest wolf informed as he walked over to us. "Thank you for saving our pup, we're in your debt. I am Alpha Corbin of the Moonshadow pack."
I looked up and stood, but kept my gaze below his eyes. "No debt at all Alpha Corbin, I would help any in danger. I should be going, I have been away too long from my grandmother. Thank you for treating my cheek, have a good day." I gave a quick curtsy before excusing myself from the pack. I was confused at seeing them again. Trista followed me until the edge of their territory and then watched as I disappeared towards my home. When I was only a mile from the cottage I spotted the young man that always tried to get me out of the forest.
"You shouldn't be in the forest alone, there are dangers here, Red." He growled. He was in aparticularly fowl mood today to which I did not feel like dealing with.
"And you should take care that you are not followed by hunter, wolf. They are in the area. Be safe." I waved as I continued on, keeping my back to him. I heard him huff at me but he did not follow, instead continued on his way.
From then on I was careful not to interact with the pack much other than Zane whom refused to miss our play dates. It felt strange that after years of yearning to see this pack again, I feared truly meeting them. Too much had changed for me to be able to go back to the blissful days of running in the forest carefree. They were in the past and I was not sure I was ready to merge my past and future. I did not know how to start even if I wanted too, I was years out of practice.
When winter finally arrived, I would bring Arawn food. Grandmother seemed to be doing better and I felt comfortable leaving her for a few hours to walk to wherever he was working and then walk back. It was one of these times when I was walking to my brother that I was interrupted.
Trista, Zane, Mia, and Keneth decided to bring Sindri a meal since the villagers were not exactly in the know that he was a werewolf. They had arrived before me and were already talking with him. Sindri and Trista turned their backs to talk when I first exited the forest. "Why do you growl, son?" Trista asked, curious by his reaction.
"She is the one I keep trying to kick out of our woods and walks alone." He rolled his eyes as he leaned on his ax.
She raised an elegant brow, "Perhaps the woods are her home."
"Only we and the old widow live in there." He had not called the widow grandmother since his two friends disappeare so long ago.
"You have not visited her lately. She maybe helping her."
"No one helps her, the villagers fear she is a witch. They only go to her for healing, but I haven't smelt her scent on them in months." He looked down slightly ashamed. "I shouldn't be one to talk though, it has been too long."
"Sin, you should probably keep better eye on your pup!" Mia laughed as her eyes tracked Zane's excited run. It was entertaining to watch as his short legs tried to overcome a few inches of snow.
Sindri turned sharply and watched as his son ran as fast as he could at the young woman in red. He growled a little as he muttered, "Zane!" The little boy did not stop until he collided with my leg.
"Slow down pup, I am not going anywhere." I chuckled as I bend down to his height.
"Why you here?" He asked as he rubbed his nose, a giant grin on his face.
"I have brougth lunch for my brother."
"You bwotha wood cutter?"
"Yes."
"Zane!" We both looked up to see the wolf I always seemed to run into.
"Poppa!" The boy yipped happily as he trotted to his father. Poppa? So the wolf is older than he looks.
"Macha!" I stood see my brother happily walking over towards us.
I did not notice the wolf freeze next to me as I lowered my hood letting my wavy brown hair tumbled free and greeted, "Arawn."
"I did not know you were coming, I hoped you would." Although I smiled brightly, I locked up the moment he hugged me. "How is grandmother?"
"Better each day. You must visit soon, she misses you."
Arawn rolled his eyes. "I visited two days ago, you just want me to cook."
"I am still a terrible cook, I cannot help it." I protested as Zane giggled next to me.
"Dri, I see your son decided to visit." Arawn greeted his fellow wood cutter. He did not reply as he stared at us in surprise. "Are you alright?"
"It's true then." He muttered, holding Zane close.
"Poppa! You squish me." Zane protested as he tried to free himself of the arm restraints. "Maaaak help!"
"You two know each other?" Arawn asked referring to me and Zane.
"Yes, he has grown attached to me for some reason." I replied, unsure how to help the poor pup from his shocked father.
"At least you are expanding you world. Sin, you should really loosen your grip."
"Sindri, snap out of it before I slap you upside the head." Trista commanded in her serene voice as she joined us.
Both my brother and I froze as the realization that our once friend stood before us. "Sindri?" I breathed out as anxiety started pumping through my veins. He was the one I feared reuniting with. I knew that out of all the wolf pack, he was the one I hurt the most.
"You know poppa?" Zane asked still struggling to free himself.
"Yes, he was the one I told you about." Feeling as though I was being closed in from all sides, I tried to flee. "I-I should go." I turned to Arawn. "Here is your lunch, enjoy." I then turned to go.
Arawn's hand shot out and grasped my wrist. I cringed as he asked, "Must you?"
I knew the wolves could hear my heart's pace quicken. "Grandmother should not be left alone."
My brother's face grew angry, "Do not use her as an excuse to run."
"Do not assume I am running when you are aware she is quite ill." I glared ripping my wrist from his hand. "Good day." I gave a quick curtsy before heading back to the woods. Once inside and out of sight I stared running. All the nervous energy that had accumulated during that brief interaction demanded to be used. As I ran, memories of my time with Sindri flash causing me to move faster and harder until I finally arrived back at the cottage. Before entering, I rested my head on the door and tried to calm myself. If the city taught me anything it was how to quickly become cool and collected; to erase all emotions. When I no longer felt as though the world was cashing down on me, I walked through the door. I found grandmother still asleep. I sighed and went to sit by her side. Rested my chin on her bed, I whispered, "When did living become so hard?" No one replied but silence.