Red Is for Traitor

The winter season came like all others and yet it was different than many. The villagers still came to visit when they required medicine, whether it be for him or herself or for an ailing family member. Grandmother still did her best to make the medicine, but as her old body continued to fail I helped more with each passing day. My skills in the healing arts became refined to the point Grandmother commented one day that I was almost a master. A few more years of experience and I would be as great as her. I was flattered by such a compliment and hoped that I could continue to live up to her standards.
Even though the constant stream of people continued like any other year, the reunion with Sindri had shattered the friendship the pack once had with Grandmother. Many of the wolves no longer visited because my brother and I lived with her. Only Zane and Trista stopped by to make sure Grandmother was alright and to offer company. The visits always ended with Zane complaining and whining about having to leave. I would walk them out and wait until they were out of sight before returning to my Grandmother's side. A part of me despaired that the friendship I once had with the pack and Sindri seemed to have shattered like a glass vase, never to be put together but rather thrown away. Now when I met Sindri on the road to or fro he would growl and flash his eyes instead of our playful banter. I once tried to talk to him, but he merely growled and disappeared into the forest. I waited on the path a moment with a heavy heart before sighing and returning to Grandmother's cottage.
As the winter wore on and wood was needed less, I rarely ran into Sindri and Arawn spent more days in the cottage than in town. Two months into the fiercest winter the village had seen in over a decade, the three of us sat quietly in the cottage. It was a winter night with the wind howling and heavy snow falling. Arawn tended to the stew that bubbled over the fire, Grandmother sat in her bed and knitted, while I organized the medicinal herbs into new jars. I rubbed a mint leaf between my fingers and inhaled the soothing smell as I listened to the storm outside. As I heard the wind whistle through the air I started thinking of the world outside and suddenly I found myself asking, "Grandmother, do you fear death?"
Arawn nearly dropped his spoon, while Grandmother paused in her knitting and solemnly thought. She reached out to stroke my cheek; I flinched but did not move away. "No, Death is ah friend I will greet when the time comes."
My eyes dropped as I continued to smell the herb I knew so much about. "What do you fear?"
"Hmm... The world we live in." My twin and I turned to look at her as she continued. "Death is the purest being there is. He does not discriminahte and only tahkes when it is necessahry. He is not greedy. For exahmple, tonight's storm. Mahny will survive the night, but mahny will meet Death and cease to exist in this world. It is ah sahd thought to think ahbout, but he will only tahke those who ahre meant to die. He will not cahre if they ahre ah smalhl woodlahnd creature, ahn old tree, ah fahwn, or ah spry humahn. He does not descriminahte and you cannot bribe him like you cahn with mahny other creatures that live. When the time comes I will be glahd that it is He who comes to tahke me to the next life, rahther thahn soemone of this world."
"You are very harsh on the people who live in this world. You were never this bitter before." Arawn commented as he looked at our Grandmother sadly.
"I ahm not pahrticulahrly bitter ahbout the creatures thaht live, but I hahve seen ahnd experienced much in my life. Ahnimals and plahnts ahre simple ahnd live for each other ahnd to survive, but humahns... the world of mahn is exceptionahlly cruel."
"How so?" Arawn asked baffled. It did not seem that different than a wolf pack having a fight over who would be next alpha or animals fighting over territory.
"Let's stahrt broahd. We fight over lahnd, who will rule over people, we clahssify people into clahsses ahnd jobs."
"Animals do that. Wolf packs fight over territory, the right to be Alpha, and each wolf has a specific place in the pack."
"Yes, but gender doesn't mahtter to them. The color of their fur doesn't mahtter to them. Ahll thaht mahtters is thaht they work together and thaht they hahve some form of heirahrchy to follow so it does not fahll ahpahrt. Let's narrow the scope then to just this room. I ahm ahn ahiling ahnd old, in a wolf pahck the younger wolves would do everything in their power to protect and feed me until I either never woke up, wahs killed in ahn ahttahck, or I left to die ahlone. Few humans cahre for me to the point thaht they ahre willing to help me. Until you and Macha cahme only three villahgers mahde the trek to help me. I hahve wahtched over and helped this villahge since my mother pahssed down her knowledge to me on how to be a healer. My stahnge desire to live ahmong the trees in solitude hahs cahused mahny to fear thaht I ahm ah witch ahnd to thaht they wahnt to only interahct with me when they ahre ill or fear becoming so. Do not tahke whaht I ahm sahying in the wrong wahy," She held up her hand when she saw Arawn's unhappy expression. "I cahre for the villahge I call my own and the silly people who live in it. I will wahtch ahnd cahre for them until I no longer cahn, but it is the wahy humahns work. We cahtahgorize others into boxes and it is hahrd for us to change our ideahs on them.
"Ahnother example is you Arawn dear. You are ah mahle and the eldest of the fahmily. You ahre expected to either tahke over your step-fahther's business or mahrry into a weathly fahmily to further your own's status. Even if you do not wahnt to thaht is the path you are expected to follow. Do you really wahnt to become a city dwelling business owner of ah clothing company or whahtever your fahther-in-lahw does?"
Arawn pondered a moment before honestly replying, "I do not know."
"Thaht is fine, but you will soon be expected to decide. If you choose to follow the pahth you hahve been put on then everyone will respect you, but if you choose to diverge from the pahth mahny mahy scorn you. You ahre expected to be everything ah 'mahn' is supposed to be. Strong. Mahsculine. Working in the fahmily field. Produce ahn heir. Mahrry ah womahn of equal or higher stahtus. Perhahps even grow ah beard. To cook is a womahn's job. Why? I do not know, but ahnything thaht is not blahck ahnd white 'mahle' in the humahn world is often looked down on. Humahns hahve ah bahd hahbit of shying ahwahy from those who do not fit into societies definitions and often cahuse them to feel inahdiquit even though they ahre perfectly fine."
Grandmother's eyes saddened as she looked to me, "Our Macha is ah perfect exahmple of whaht society does when we ahct differently." She reached out her hand again and I once more flinched at the contact. She withdrew her hand and placed it in her lap. "Humahns ahre sociahl beings, we yearn for contahct with others. Yet, when we ahre denied the love and ahffection of others ahnxiety and fear replahce it. We cahn recover from the torment thaht we recieve from others if we do not hahrbor strong feelings for them. It hurts, but ahs long ahs we hahve the love ahnd bond with fahmily and close friends thahn we can survive with our heads held high. But once ah loved one refuses to ahcknowledge us, we begin the slow and pahinful descent into dispahir and unhahppiness. It is rahre to find such cruelty in the ahnimal kingdom, but we see it time agahin in our world.
"Macha should be encourahged to hone her skills ahs ah huntress, medicahl womahn, ahnd ah brilliahnt thinker ahnd yet she is scorned and mahde into ah pahriah. If she were a wolf, her ahbility to run without being heard would make her ah desired scout or her skills in tahking down prey would mahke her ah much needed hunter. Ahny pahck would wahnt her becahuse their pahck would thrive ahs long ahs there were ahnimahls to eat. In the ahnimal world you two would be sought ahfter ahnd ahppreciahted becahuse you can offer things to ah pahck thaht others would not. But in the humahn world you Arawn, would be looked aht with questioning eyes becahuse you ahre such ah skilled cook which is ah womahn's job, while Macha hahs been put down and ignored for so long thaht she hahs closed herself off to the world." My long hair curtained me from them as I tried to hide from my Grandmother's exposure. "She cahres about the world." I could feel her eyes on me and I wanted nothing more than for her to stop. "She tried to help those she cahn." Please Stop! I cried in my head as I crushed the mint leaf in my hand. "But in return she is left ahlone and thus tries to push everyone ahwahy. Ahlthough few see it, she is the one who has suffered the most and will be the hahrdest to break free from societies shahckles. She no longer lets others in."
"I am going to bed." I announced and fled to my loft straw mattress. As hard as I tried, I could not stop listening.
"That's not true..." Arawn defended weakly.
Grandmother gave him a look as she gently replied, "Even you hahve noticed thaht she's pushing you ahwahy. She shys ahwahy from touch. Pahrtiahlly because she is no longer used to hahving others wahnt to mahke physicahl contahct with her. Pahrtiahlly becahuse it is much easier to go without it from everyone thahn hahve only one mahke the effort. It is like having ahn ahddiction: to never hahve the substance ahgahin means never or rahrely crahving it ahgahin."
"Am I not enough then?" Arawn whispered far too softly for me to hear.
Grandmother looked at him with a sadness unparalleled to anything he had ever seen, excluding when our father died. "No, neither of us ahre. Her pahin of rejection goes deeper thahn either of us can reach. Until she ahccepts thaht the one person she wahs supposed to hahve unconditional love from is no longer thaht person, she will live in dispahir and close the world off. "
"Is there anything I can do?" He looked at Grandmother desperately.
"Be there for her no matter whaht. She has lost too mahny and you ahre the most importahnt person in her life. Without you, she would be lost." He nodded as he slowly stirred the stew.
"Why is life so...?"
"So cruel?" Grandmother gave a light chuckle. "Becahuse being humahn is complicahted and emotions wreak hahvoc and cloud our judgement. Do not give up on our kind though, there ahre people in it who ahre not cruel ahnd make life worth living. You and Macha ahre two of those people thaht mahke life worth living for. Come here." Arawn slowly got up and walked over. He was pulled gently into Grandmother's side and hugged. "Death mahy be ah friend, but people, creatures, ahnd nahture ahre whaht make life worth living."
That was the last sliver of knowledge Grandmother gave us. A week or two later she slipped into a sleep to which she never woke from. Arawn and I did everything we could to care for her, but in late January she stopped breathing and turned colder. We sat with her, watching as her chest's rise and fall became shallower until it stopped moving altogether. Arawn walked over to the fireplace and rested his head on the mantle as I whispered, "Greet Death as a friend and find peace where He leads you. The long road of life is over, you have paid your dues and more, now find the serenity many search for. We love you, thank you for all you have done for us. You are free." I bent down and kissed her forehead before pulling the blanket over her. I turned to look at my brother, "What are we to do, the ground is frozen?"
"I will go to town and talk to someone." His voice cracked as he continued to stand with his back to me.
"Arawn..." I walked over and hesitantly touched his shoulder. He turned and hugged me. Like usual it took me a minute to let my arms circle around and hug him back.