‹ Prequel: Words
Sequel: I Could Have Saved You ›
Status: 2/3
I'm Not Doing Anything Stupid
1
You said not to do anything stupid and I'm not. Losing you was something I saw coming but it didn't make it any easier. Losing me was probably something you saw coming too but I don't expect you'll need things to be easier, my leaving will come as a relief to you of that much I'm sure.
"Don't use this as an excuse to do something stupid just because I don't love you like I used to doesn't mean I don't still care about you."
Still care about me? Who are you trying to kid? I know you don't care, I know because I have enough time to tie a noose. I never could have done that before you would've come over and caught me. You would have wondered why I wasn't answering your calls or texts and came to check on me. It's the other way around now and I can't stop wondering why you won't talk to me.
I guess I should be happy because I got what I wanted, enough time and motivation to go through with it. I wonder if you'll come to my funeral or if you'll be too busy doing anything else. I can't hold it against you although I want to I pushed and pushed and finally you left so I'm really not surprised at all when I roll over at night to find no one sleeping next to me. That's not to say I'm not sad about it, it kills me more and more everyday especially today.
I know no one will miss me. I'm not doing anything stupid I'm just giving everyone what they wanted. I know you'll be happier without me much like everyone else. I'm sorry I broke you Alex I never wanted you to leave I just didn't know how to accept and return the love you offered.
Now no one has to deal with me. I hung the noose in my closet the rope is an old jump rope from back when I was young and happy. It's funny how time changes everything yet everything stays the same that jump rope used to be a lot of fun and today even though it's purpose is much different its still going to make me happy.
The rope feels scratchy against my throat as I put my head through the loop. I know I have to go through with this but for a moment I try and believe I don't. I try and believe I can change and win you back but that is a dream and this is reality. With one last glance at the hell I call a life I kick the chair out from underneath me.
"I didn't do anything stupid and I'm not sorry.
The choice I made will make things easier for you, you don't have to worry about me anymore. Although if we're being honest I think we both know you stopped worrying a long time ago. I'm sorry for all the time I spent dragging you down. I won't waste another second of your life."
That's what the note I left for you says but I doubt you'll even read it I didn't say it there so I guess I'll say it here; goodbye.
"Don't use this as an excuse to do something stupid just because I don't love you like I used to doesn't mean I don't still care about you."
Still care about me? Who are you trying to kid? I know you don't care, I know because I have enough time to tie a noose. I never could have done that before you would've come over and caught me. You would have wondered why I wasn't answering your calls or texts and came to check on me. It's the other way around now and I can't stop wondering why you won't talk to me.
I guess I should be happy because I got what I wanted, enough time and motivation to go through with it. I wonder if you'll come to my funeral or if you'll be too busy doing anything else. I can't hold it against you although I want to I pushed and pushed and finally you left so I'm really not surprised at all when I roll over at night to find no one sleeping next to me. That's not to say I'm not sad about it, it kills me more and more everyday especially today.
I know no one will miss me. I'm not doing anything stupid I'm just giving everyone what they wanted. I know you'll be happier without me much like everyone else. I'm sorry I broke you Alex I never wanted you to leave I just didn't know how to accept and return the love you offered.
Now no one has to deal with me. I hung the noose in my closet the rope is an old jump rope from back when I was young and happy. It's funny how time changes everything yet everything stays the same that jump rope used to be a lot of fun and today even though it's purpose is much different its still going to make me happy.
The rope feels scratchy against my throat as I put my head through the loop. I know I have to go through with this but for a moment I try and believe I don't. I try and believe I can change and win you back but that is a dream and this is reality. With one last glance at the hell I call a life I kick the chair out from underneath me.
"I didn't do anything stupid and I'm not sorry.
The choice I made will make things easier for you, you don't have to worry about me anymore. Although if we're being honest I think we both know you stopped worrying a long time ago. I'm sorry for all the time I spent dragging you down. I won't waste another second of your life."
That's what the note I left for you says but I doubt you'll even read it I didn't say it there so I guess I'll say it here; goodbye.