Status: "Give them redemption"

Vestige

a sunny day helps to push the memories away

"Hey, just wanted to let you know that I am officially on the Metro, so I guess I'll be seeing you in an hour or so. I couldn't resist buying you some chocolate . . . or buying myself some either. . .and coffee. . . I'm sorry I'm taking longer then expected, I had a rough time with sleep again. . . I'll tell you about it in person. I'll see you soon, okay? I love you. . ." Beep.

My fingers pulled the phone away from my ear and pressed the red button. I watched the screen revert back to it's home page, a familiar face grinning back at me in pixels. My eyes studied the smile for a moment before the screen turned black and I slipped the cellular device back into my pocket.

Metal doors slip open, people rushed past me before others rushed in. I quickly maneuvered myself into a newly empyt seat and leaned my head against the window.

My eyes studied the people in the station and when the train starts moving, I began to study the passing scenery.

Sometimes I don't feel normal. . .

Sleep begins to seep into my limbs, a sigh following in suit. I rub at my eyes, already aware of the dark circles beneath them.

Sleeping has never been easy for me. My dreams were always filled with hazy scenes of torture, abuse, and intense feelings of fear and loss. I'd watch through the eyes of someone else as many horrid events would unfold. Words were spoken but my ears functioned as if they were underwater and many faces were blurred.

Since childhood I had endured these horrid nightmares that constantly plague my sleep. Getting a peaceful rest, or any sleep in general, has always been difficult.

At least until I met the boy who served as my phones wall paper. The few nights I had spent with him were filled with peace. I longed for it to be a routine to fall asleep in his arms. I knew the time would come, but waiting is becoming unbearable.

The dreams that haunt me sometimes feel so real, and the emotions they stir up run deep. I'm afraid to sleep. . .

The notification of a text grabbs my attention. My fingers quickly pulled up a message from him: a simple heart emoticon.

A smile graces my lips and I look up from my phone.

My eyes are quickly drawn to a man who sits across from me, his facial features are simple, but eyes are filled with wisdom. His lips pull back into a soft smile, and a whine escapes from the Golden Retriever by his feet.

The dog's blue eyes watch me anxiously, his curly coat glistens with the incoming sunlight.

I study the two of them momentarily, a sense of Déjà vu flooding my senses.

The man's smile just widens and his dog barks.

I turn my head away.

This is weird.

I feel like I've seen them before. . .


I turn my head towards them again but this time, the seat is empty.

I sigh and take a sip of my coffee.

I'm going crazy. . .

~

The sun is out.

The sky is clear.

It's a beautiful day, and everyone around me in the station is laughing and smiling.

But there's this immense filling of dread and paranoia the begins to seep into me.

My eyes study every face around me, searching for the source of this uneasiness, but of course I can never find it.

I've never enjoyed being out in public, I didn't like the feeling of being exposed. I constantly feel like someone, or something is out to get me. I don't feel safe.

In fact it was a miracle I had even met him. And it's a miracle I even agree to meet him there.

But my desire to see him, and feel the peaceful bliss that accompanies his presence keeps my feet moving.

~

I take a deep breathe and step into the field, the grass is up to my hips. My heart beat quickens, and my breathes lessen. I am frozen in place, this intense fear filling me from head to toe. I can't move, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to start freaking out, a panic attack is looming nearby. My fear of one though only increases my state.

For a moment I think about leaving, and going home, back to the safety of my small apartment. The safety behind closed doors where no one and nothing can ever harm me.

But then I hear him call me,

"Alezae"

And just like that the feeling is gone and I'm sprinting to the spot where he stands in the grassy hillside. When I'm close enough I latch on him and press my face into his neck. I take in the scent of him to calm the small amount of paranoia I have left. His arms pull me closer and I close me eyes.

"It's okay, I've got you" he soothes. I just breathe him in and let my anxiety fade away.

"Come on, I laid a blanket out for us this time" he says softly and pulls away. I nod and take a few steps to the blanket and plop down. Paris sits besides me and helps me slip off my back pack.

"You mentioned chocolate" he smiles and opens the bag to retrieve the candy.

I nod my head and waste no time in laying down and looking up at the clouds.

"What was your dream about this time?" Paris lays on his side, an arm slips under my head and the others wraps around me. His beautiful brown eyes look into mine, and that feeling of peace wraps around my being.

"I dreamt I was dying."

The warmth in his eyes disappears. Paris pulls me closer, and his hold on me tightens. I give him a sad smile and press my mouth against his. The hand wrapped around me tangles it's fingers into my hair.

"These horrid dreams shouldn't haunt a boy like you" he whispers when he pulls away. Moisture collects in my eyes and I can feel my throat tighten up. I can feel all the stress and anxiety pressing down on my chest.

Paris' face softens and he pulls me into his chest. where I can hide my face and let these feelings melt, like I always do.

We stay like that for a while, until I'm okay and we both lay on our backs to look up at the sky.

As I lay there I get this overwhelming feeling of awareness, as if I'm not entirely looking through my own eyes, like I'm in someone elses body. I turn to look at Paris, who's eyes are on me. His eyes seem brighter for a moment until he furrows his eyebrows.

"What's on your mind?"

I look up at the sky, the feeling is gone. My thoughts are at a standstill. I don't feel anything.

My brain begins to dwell on my nightmares, and my odd fears. They are at times so real, so controlling. . .

Almost like I've experienced them before. . .

"Paris. . . sometimes I feel like I'm someone else. . . There's the idea out there, that we've all had past lives. . ." I trail off.

". . .and you wonder if maybe, events from then are haunting your current life," he says quietly. I nod my head and look at him. His eyes are filled with sadness.

"Alezae, sometimes I have dreams too, dreams of you. But the you in them, doesn't look like this you," his hand tucks hair behind my ear, "but your eyes are still the same."

I close my eyes, his hand cupping my face, and I can feel all these traces of pain, suffering, of loss. I don't know where it's from, but maybe it's from what he's suggesting.

"Alezae" Paris is leaning over me know, looking straight into my eyes. My gaze is trained on him.

"I love you"

I can't stop a stupid smile that spreads across my face, or the insane amount of butterflies in my stomache. Paris just laughs and lays down beside me again.

"Pallas. . ."


"Alacray. . ."


I don't know if past lives exist, or if the dreams I have are really just another me.

But if I had Paris then, and I have him now, I'm not going to let him go this time. I'm not going to let bad things happen to him, and I know he won't let bad things happen to me.

Always.
♠ ♠ ♠
Finally.