You Say It's Only This Once

Brendon really did not know how they got into this conversation.

One minute they were all sitting peacefully around Ryan’s living room talking about how school sucked and the weather was too hot and no matter how hard any of them studied, getting an A in chemistry was just impossible. Next thing he knew, the current conversation of sexual experiences had presented itself and Brendon was surrounded on all sides by the stories of his friends getting some. And it was all making him blush red hot.

“Dude, it was crazy,” Ryan gushed, talking with his hands to simulate what he was explaining, which Brendon really wish he didn’t do. “She pushes me down on this fucking water bed and just rides me. Out of fucking nowhere. I came over to help her with English and all of a sudden my pants are down and we’re sliding around on this water bed.”

“Nice,” Spencer laughed from his position next to Ryan on the couch, munching on a Twix. Brendon really did not get how Spencer was laughing. They were talking about sex. Was he the only one that was uncomfortable talking about this?

“Last night, when I went to the movies with Karen,” Spencer continued and Ryan nodded him on curiously. “She blowed me. Right in the middle of whatever movie we were seeing. She just blowed me.”

Ryan laughed and patted him on the back, Brent even looking up from his Game Boy long enough to mutter a quiet “Score”. Brendon shifted and folded his legs, tucking his chin over his knees and hugging his legs close. He watched Ryan grin at Spencer, a long finger tucking hair behind his ears.

“I fucked Nicole Gregory last week,” Brent said out of the blue, eyes never even leaving his tiny Game Boy screen, thumbing flicking so fast it was kind of gross.

Ryan and Spencer stopped, exchanging looks.
“Fuck, you’re lying,” Spencer said, somewhat in awe. Brendon couldn’t blame him, because he wasn’t even aware Brent was capable of getting any action, let alone with someone like Nicole Gregory.

“She’s like the hottest girl in school!” Ryan said in astonishment.

Brent shrugged. “Not that great of a fuck.”

Ryan and Spencer burst out laughing, Brendon adding in a tense chuckle in hopes of sounding like he would be able to relate.

“What about you Bren?” Ryan asked suddenly and Brendon’s stomach dropped. “Who’s the last girl you ate out?”

Brendon blushed at Ryan’s forwardness and looked anywhere but his face, desperate to conjure up some kind of lie. But even if he could, they would probably see right through it anyway. “Uh.”

“Aw, look he’s blushing,” Spencer cooed and the three other boys laughed, Brent snorting like a pig. Brendon narrowed his eyes, because if anyone was more of a nerd than him, it was Brent.

“Was she ugly?” Ryan asked, leaning back on the couch and letting his legs fall open a little. Brendon couldn’t stop himself from glancing down for a split second, glad he was over here on the other side of the room, fat ass wedged into this tiny flower chair.

“Well…you see it’s just that, I mean, I-I,” Brendon stuttered, ears reddening to match his face as he dug his chin into his leg. No way was he going to admit he had never even been kissed before, they would make fun of him for the rest of his life. It wasn’t his fault girls weren’t throwing themselves at him, and also the remaining factor of his highly protective parents. If he ever did find someone, it’s not like he could just bring them up to his room and have sex with his parents downstairs, that was just creepy. He fell silent, deciding that not answering at all would be better.

“Bren?” Said Ryan suspiciously, leaning forward in his seat.

“Yes?” He said stupidly, playing for time. Of all the people he knew, why did Ryan have to be the one asking him this? Though, admittedly, it was kind of ironic Ryan was asking him about girls. It would almost be funny in any other situation.

“Have you ever done anything with someone else, Brendon?”

Brendon avoided Ryan’s stare, knowing that if he looked up Ryan would be able to see just how pathetic Brendon really was. A loud car horn broke the tense silence, followed by the blaring of Brendon’s cell phone currently wedged into his pocket.

“That’s my mom,” Brendon said, trying not to sound too relieved. He made a mental note to do something nice for his mom later for her impeccable timing.

He got up and grabbed his guitar, giving his friends a hasty wave goodbye and all but running into the hallway. The door never looked so inviting as he rushed past pictures of Ryan hung up on the wall. Halfway down, a hand grasped his bicep and held him still, the warmth of a body lingering behind him.

“You in a rush, Bren?” Came Ryan’s cool voice and he moved to stand next to Brendon, still holding onto his arm.

“Uh,” Brendon stuttered, staring at the hand touching his skin.

“So I’m going to guess by the way you’re avoiding any and all questions I ask,” Ryan continued, now standing in front of him. “That you’ve never had any kind of sexual experience, have you?”

“Of course I have!” Brendon cried defensively. He didn’t need Ryan to think he was some kind of prude loser.

“Right,” Ryan drew out the word longer than usual, placing a hand on Brendon’s chest and pushing him back roughly so that his back hit the wall. Ryan came closer, invading his personal space, pressing their chests together. Brendon tried to breathe rationally, not to let Ryan know how long he had been waiting for that to happen and how nervous and excited he was getting at the simple contact between them.

“I have an idea,” Ryan continued. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow night?”

“I-I.”

“Be here at ten.” Leaving no room for argument, Ryan stepped back and pushed Brendon towards the door, turning on his heel and sauntering down the hall, swinging his hips notably.

*

All through dinner Brendon’s parents kept asking what was wrong, why he wasn’t talking at all. Brendon merely shrugged them off with his lame excuse of being tired and stuffed more casserole in his mouth.

He just couldn’t get what Ryan had said--and did--before out of his head. Brendon wasn’t even sure he wanted to go over tomorrow night not knowing what exactly Ryan was planning. He could make a pretty good assumption, but he didn’t know for sure. He didn’t want to go over there and make a complete ass out of himself, and, if he was being honest, he was scared shitless. Ryan wasn’t like this. He didn’t flirt or make suggestive comments. Brendon had no other choice than to think he was fucking with him.

He excused himself quickly and went up to his room, falling onto his bed face-first. He wrinkled his nose and lifted up his head, throwing aside the smelly t-shirt before letting his head fall again.

And sure, maybe the idea of going over to Ryan’s kind of excited him. He couldn’t help it, of course he would want to do things with Ryan because, well, it was Ryan. And Ryan was the only person Brendon had ever thought that he would want to try something with.

His mind started drifting off and he let it, hoping for some relaxation. He imagined going over to Ryan’s tomorrow night, walking into a completely dark house save for the shadow of light upstairs. He envisioned himself walking up the stairs and turning into Ryan’s room, finding his friend sprawled out on the bed wearing only a red silk robe, his hand slowly peeling away the fabric—

No.

Brendon wrenched his eyes open and flipped onto his back, blocking out all train of thought in that direction. He had become very good at stopping himself when it came to sexual fantasies. He was forced to though; if his parents walked in and saw him…god, he’d be disowned. Whenever his mind so much as strayed somewhat in that direction, Brendon was cutting it off at the source, distracting himself with something else. He had even gotten so good that he could stop himself from having wet dreams, recognize the signs and wake up before his dick had the chance to so much as think about getting hard.

He longed to explore that aspect of anatomy, to know what it feels like to jerk off. But the vision of his parents frowning down on him loomed over any other desire he might have.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, innocent thoughts in his head, his cell phone buzzed against his leg. Sighing, he struggled to tug it out of his pocket and flipped it open to read a new text message.

FROM: Ryan
Time: 10:16 pm
Message:
alone?

Brendon’s heart jumped to his throat and he sat bolt upright, fingers immediately clenching around the small device. What?

TO: Ryan
Time: 10: 17 pm
Message:
what?

He waited impatiently, foot jiggling in anticipation. Why did he have to be alone? Oh god, what was Ryan going to do. Brendon scratched the back of his neck and immediately started singing a song under his breath just in case he needed a distraction.

FROM: Ryan
Time: 10:20 pm
Message:
you have a new e-mail. ;)

Brendon dropped his phone as if it was on fire, looking around frantically. He wasn’t capable of wrapping his mind around…whatever it is Ryan was doing to him. But a wink at the end of a text? Isn’t that a sure-fire sign someone’s flirting with you? Brendon’s heart skipped a beat, hopeful.

Brendon sprang from his bed, flying across the room to sit at his desk, booting up his dinosaur of a computer. He felt like he was on some kind of adventure at the moment, stuff like this just doesn’t happen to him.

Finally his computer was ready and he double clicked the icon for Internet Explorer, almost cursing but stopping himself when his computer froze for a few seconds. Once signing into his e-mail an obnoxious “You’ve got mail!” blasted through his speakers and he jumped, fumbling around hastily to shut the damn things off before his parents came to check on him.

Deciding to be safe, he got up quietly and opened his door, peeking his head out. The house was deathly quiet, so his parents must have turned in early. Biting his lip and returning to his desk, he clicked the link to open his mailbox.
Ryan’s e-mail was there, entitled, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Brendon opened the file attachment and sat back when a picture application popped up, indicating it was a slideshow.

A picture of Ryan popped up and Brendon gasped. Ryan was standing in his bathroom, shirtless, and staring back at the camera with a devilish smirk on his face. The next was from a different angle, the side, so Brendon was able to see the small swell of his ass.

That one disappeared and was replaced with another, from the angle of the first picture, only Ryan was looking downward, his hand resting on his belt buckle.

Brendon knew exactly where these pictures were going. Now would be the time for him to click out of the slideshow and go to bed like a good boy. Something warm was pooling low in his stomach, licking deliciously at his insides and calling for more. So Brendon laid his palms flat against his desk and leaned closer when the next picture came up.

In this one Ryan was sitting cross-legged on the carpet of his room, dressed only in his soft blue boxers. Brendon’s eyes widened, staring at Ryan’s crotch and the thing between his legs straining against the fabric.

It happened so fast Brendon jumped a little. There was a weird, heavy feeling between his legs and when he glanced down he could see the outline of his dick pointing right back at him. He was hard, his dick pulsing slightly. Brendon hissed and bit his lip, not knowing what to do with this new feeling and loving every second of it.

The next picture came up. It showed a view of half of Ryan’s room, the angle directed towards his bed. Ryan lay atop it, still only in boxers, his knees slightly bent. His hand was over the bulge in his boxers and his head was thrown back, mouth open in a perfect ‘O’ as he touched himself.

Brendon moaned loudly and gripped at the desk for dear life, squirming uncomfortably and gasping loudly when his dick rubbed smoothly against the inside of his pants. The screen faded to black before the last picture came up, full size and taking up his whole screen.

Ryan was still on his bed. He was completely naked, heels pressing into the bed as his back and hips arched into the air, one hand fisted around his hard dick.

Brendon’s hips bucked forcefully and he came in his pants, just like that.

*

This first thing he did was strip off his pants and boxer-briefs, pull on a clean set, and practically run down to the basement where he threw the soiled articles of clothing into the washing machine and started it up. He stood there for a minute, staring at the whirring machine, taking in deep breaths, his body faintly buzzing.

He felt disgusting. After all those years of practiced self control, he throws it out the window at the first mention of Ryan. What would his parents think? That was the big problem here, his parents would kill him. He wouldn’t be surprised if they had already hooked up some kind of surveillance in his room and watched the whole thing with disbelieving eyes.

Brendon made his way back upstairs on tip-toes, half expecting his parents to be waiting at his door to discipline him. There was nothing different about the dark hallway and he couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

He lay back on his bed gingerly, his body feeling spent, but in a good way. A smile crept sneakily onto his face and he bit his lip softly. Rethinking it, maybe it wasn’t so bad. In fact, Brendon had never felt better in his entire life. After the initial shock over what exactly he had made his body do, he kinda, maybe, sorta, wanted to try it out again.

Yeah, he definitely wanted to do that again.

*

Brendon arrived at Ryan’s house at exactly 9:50 on the dot. Showing up early was an indication of just how anticipated this night was. He had had to lie to his parents, for the first time in his life. They would never let him leave the house and drive in the dark at such a late time as ten, so Brendon left his house at eight under the excuse of going to Ryan’s then. Instead, he drove around for a bit and got something to eat.

He waited anxiously on the doorstep, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His stomach was in knots, twisting and squirming desperately inside him. He has almost decided not to come before, rationalizing that Ryan was just teasing him for being so under-experienced and even if he wasn’t, it wasn’t like Brendon would know what to do .

“Hey!”

Brendon looked up to see Ryan hanging out of his bedroom window on the second floor.

“Come on in, I’m just getting out of the shower.”

Ryan disappeared before Brendon had the decency to answer. He wiped his sweaty palm against his jeans, hand shaking. Ryan had been shirtless, and Brendon couldn’t really see why Ryan would bother to put on a decent amount of clothes.

A stab of nervousness at his heart had Brendon having to force his feet to move and hand to open the door. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Ryan was just inviting him over for an innocent sleepover. They would watch movies and pig out on chips and…then Ryan would fuck him. Brendon very nearly fainted at the thought.

The house was silent as he entered, all the lights on. He moved mechanically up the stairs, thinking idly in the back of his mind how stupid this all was, and how desperate he must look.

He ascended the stairs with weak knees, perspiring so badly he was sure his shirt was soaked through already.

Ryan was leaning against his bedroom doorway, skin still damp from the shower he had apparently taken. A tiny white towel was wrapped low around his waist, the knot holding it together not looking sturdy to Brendon at all.

He froze halfway down the hallway, too scared to get any closer, not with Ryan half naked.

“Hello Brendon,” Ryan said, voice entirely too low. Brendon nodded his head quickly in response.

“You look good, I like those pants,” Ryan continued and Brendon cursed himself at thinking that wearing his tightest pair of pants would be a good idea.

Ryan’s eyes moved over his body as if taking it all in hungrily. Brendon blushed horribly, swallowing and wiping his hands once again over his pants.

As if deciding enough time was wasted, Ryan sighed and propelled himself off the wall, sauntering forward.

‘Wait,” Brendon finally spoke, taking a step back. Ryan obliged and stopped moving closer, eyes curious.

“I just,” Brendon started frantically, not even knowing what it was he wanted to say. “I don’t know how this works, I don’t really know what to do. And, like, I don’t really get why you want to do this with me.” He winced as he finished talking, looking anywhere but Ryan’s face.

Ryan laughed shortly, taking a step forward. “I thought it was kind of obvious, I don’t just go around inviting people over under certain pretenses, Bren.”

“Oh, right,” Brendon nodded, feeling slightly ashamed of himself.

Ryan offered him a small smile, unraveling some of the knots in his stomach. All too suddenly Ryan was right in front of him, so close that Brendon was almost going cross-eyed as he tried to look only in his eyes and not at the rest of his body.

Ryan smiled again, taking Brendon’s face gently in his hands. Brendon closed his eyes, puckering his lips in anticipation, the moment feeling too big for apprehension. He heard Ryan chuckle before he felt something soft and urgent press against his lips.

Brendon heart jumped to his throat as Ryan kissed him, loving the feeling but not knowing what to do at all. So he remained still, embedding the wonderful feeling of Ryan’s lips moving against his into his brain, wanting to savor the feeling forever.

Brendon felt Ryan’s lips part and his tongue managing to wiggle through Brendon’s firmly pressed pout and into his mouth. Brendon dropped his jaw open and Ryan’s tongue entered fully, hot and unbelievably moist in his mouth. It curled and rubbed and drew the most dirty sounding noises from the back of his throat.

Brendon panicked, trying to come up with some idea as to what he was supposed to do. He instinctively grabbed Ryan’s bare hip for something to hold him steady. He jerked it back right away though, terrified of not being allowed to touch Ryan.

A hand found his and pulled it back onto his hip. Brendon sighed around Ryan’s tongue, relieved, as he gripped Ryan’s hip, thumb pressed into the rough texture of the towel.

Ryan’s tongue curled and nudged against his unmoving one. Brendon finally got the hint that maybe moving his tongue a bit might be good, and hesitantly rolled it against Ryan’s. Amazed at the sensation, Brendon rubbed his tongue against Ryan’s eagerly; other hand gripping Ryan’s other hip.

By accident, pure accident, Brendon felt the towel drop to the floor and he jerked his hands back again, feeling guilty.

Ryan broke the kiss, staring straight into Brendon’s eyes. Ryan gripped his right hand and guided it in between them. Brendon choked on a moan as his fingers bumped against Ryan’s hard cock. He wrapped his hand around it uncertainly, watching Ryan’s eyes close.
The feeling of hard flesh under his hand had Brendon breathing even heavier than before, his own cock struggling against his pants, heart pattering in uneven frantic patterns. Brendon only wanted one thing in the moment, leaning against Ryan with his hand gripping his friends’ dick.

“Fuck me.” Brendon demanded breathily, voice gravelly and downright desperate.

Ryan opened his eyes and gripped his elbow, pulling them backwards and into his bedroom. “Okay.”

*

TO: Ryan
TIME: 12:07 am
Message:
check your email

FROM: Ryan
TIME: 12:15 am
Message:
how did you even get in that position?

TO: Ryan
TIME: 12:16 am
Message:
I’ll be over in five