You Say It's Only This Once

Its back leg had ripped off three times before being sewed back together again. An eye was missing along with a chunk of its left ear that had mysteriously disappeared. The once vibrant blue of its fur was now faded and borderline grey. In all sense it was the most mangled, misshapen stuffed animal hippo Ryan had ever seen in his life. And he hated that thing with a passion.

It wasn’t an irrational hate, oh no, it made every bit of sense to Ryan. That thing, or 'Marvin' as Brendon has christened it, haunted Ryan. Everywhere he went, that thing would be there. And he could never understand it; he had hardly ever seen Brendon holding the thing, so how was it that when Ryan went to sit down on the couch, Marvin was balanced on top of the TV, one eye staring down at him? Why was the thing even on the bus? It didn’t act like a teddy bear, Brendon didn’t sleep with it, in fact, the last time he had seen Brendon with Marvin was when he was getting on the bus for the first time. So how did it move around?
The worst part of this for Ryan was not being able to figure this out. It was just a stuffed animal, for Christ’s sake.

For a while, Marvin hadn’t mysteriously come up. In fact, Ryan hadn’t seen the thing in a little over a month. After this revelation, Ryan was considerably happier, smiling from ear to ear wherever he went. When Brendon asked why he was so fucking happy all of a sudden, Ryan had just chuckled and kissed his boyfriend, keeping his insane rejoicing to himself.

Ryan had stumbled out of Brendon’s bunk the next morning, wearing boxers that he was sure were Brendon’s due to the little yellow ducks adorning them. He sat down on the couch, smiling briefly when he saw there was no misshapen lump of blue sitting atop the microwave. The backs of his legs pressed against the couch, and where there should be a space between the end of the couch and the floor, Ryan felt something pressing irritatingly against his heel. Frowning in confusion, Ryan bent down off the couch and lay flat on his stomach to see what was there.

One black, sewed on eye stared back at him amid clumps of scratchy, old, fading fur.
"Fucker!" Ryan yelped, jumping backwards violently and colliding with the coffee table.
He stumbled to his feet, officially freaked out and pissed off at the same time. He just didn’t get it.

But the thing that really drove Ryan over the edge was when he went around gathering the clothes that needed to be washed since it was his turn to do their laundry, and found Marvin buried in a pile of Brendon’s clothes.
"No!" Ryan hissed, throwing the cursed thing on the floor roughly. Brendon appeared at the door to the bunks, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.
"What’s the matter, baby?" He asked, taking out the toothbrush to talk before putting it back in.
"I am not washing that thing!" Ryan gestured towards the hippo wildly, eyes ablaze.
"Who?" Brendon blinked, confused. "Marvin?"
"Yes Mar--wait, no! Not who, Brendon. It’s not a person!"
Brendon’s shocked eyes darted between his boyfriend and his beloved hippo, not necessarily making the connection between Ryan’s sudden outburst and his poor hippo.
"Please Ry? I haven’t washed him in a while," Brendon pouted, throwing the toothbrush on the floor unceremoniously before sauntering towards Ryan.

"No," Ryan crossed his arms indignantly over his chest as he watched Brendon advance on him. Ryan wasn’t stupid, he knew what Brendon was planning to do and he intended to not give in for a second because he wasn’t giving in to Marvin.
"Please?" Brendon whispered huskily, trailing a finger up and down Ryan’s chest, giving him that look that would make Ryan do anything.

He hesitated for just a second and was about to resist, he really was, when Brendon’s bottom lip quivered and Ryan was forced to sigh in defeat, dropping his arms from his chest. Brendon beamed and threw his arms around Ryan, hugging him tightly.

Ryan kissed the top of his head and pulled away, picking up the basket full of dirty clothes.
"Thank you, baby," Brendon sang, skipping off into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Ryan sighed and glared at the hippo still on the floor, finding great difficulty in repressing the urge to stomp on it a few good times. Everyday Ryan feels more and more crazy about this fucking hippo.

Ryan grits his teeth and bends down to pick it up, holding it between his index finger and thumb as if it possessed a nasty stench.
He walked off the bus and out onto the sidewalk, crisp air making him shiver slightly. He passed a few people that gave him curious looks, probably referring to the way Ryan was holding Marvin as far as possible from his body with a look of pure hatred on his face.

"I can’t believe I'm doing this," Ryan scolded himself quietly, pushing open the door to the first Laundromat he saw, shuffling moodily over to a free washer and placing his basket on the floor.

Ryan dug around in his pocket to find the appropriate number of quarters, sliding them into the machine and opening the door. He hauled Marvin in first, placing the items of clothing in gently after.
As the machine washed his clothes, and later the dryer, Ryan sat atop an unused machine and thought idly about nothing in particular, once forming a tiny melody in his head that could be used for a song.

The dryer binged loudly and Ryan hopped off of his temporary seat, unhooking the door and being greeted with a stream of warm air. The clothes felt light and fluffy in his hands as he folded each one before placing it back in the basket. Ryan as the only one that took his turn at washing very seriously. Spencer wasn’t so bad, though he’s been known to return articles still somewhat damp. Ryan had thought Jon to be a good cleaner, that is, until Ryan got back his only white button down shirt with a large coffee stain on the front. Brendon was just ridiculous when it came to be his turn, the clothes didn’t smell any different and Ryan could say pretty confidently that Brendon never did wash their clothes, just take the quarters to play arcade games or something.

Ryan had folded all the clothes and only one thing remained; Marvin. The hippo sat at the back of the dryer, fur looking poofier than usual and eye dangling a little loosely. Ryan cringed as he picked the thing up, wanting so badly to just drop it on the floor and leave it here.

Wait. Why couldn’t he do that? Brendon would never know, Ryan could just say it got lost somehow. Yes, oh yes, Ryan could get rid of this thing once and for all.
Feeling an overwhelming power surge rush through his body Ryan uncurled his fingers from the hippo and watched it fall to the ground, bouncing a bit on impact.

Ryan laughed manically, so hyped on this ridiculously good power trip to remember that he was in a public place and that the old lady at the end of the aisle was defiantly staring at the crazy 20 year old with his head throw back in laughter.

Ryan scooped up the basket and walked backwards out of the Laundromat, savoring the sight of that lonely hippo on the floor.

The overwhelming, knee buckling, hand shaking good feeling inside him started to wane after just a block, another underlying feeling pushing through.
No, Ryan didn’t want to feel guilty. He had gotten rid of the single thing that plagued his life, he should still be happy, goddamnit.

But even as much as Ryan tried to will the guilt away, by the time he stumbled solemnly onto the bus he felt so low to have stooped to such ridiculous level. He must really be crazy if he intentionally left Brendon’s most prized possession behind just because it annoyed him.

Ryan set down the basket with a frown on his face, feeling to be at the lowest point in his life.

It took Brendon much quicker to figure out Marvin was gone than Ryan thought. It wasn’t even three hours later when Brendon burst into the front lounge, eyes panicky.
"Where’s Marvin?" he said shakily, eyes darting everywhere.
Terror and regret gripped at Ryan’s heart and he was forced to look at the floor. "I don’t know."
"Did you bring him back from the Laundromat?"
"Y-Yes," Ryan gulped ad closed his eyes as he lied, and if Brendon hadn’t been in such a state he would have seen right through him.

Brendon whined helplessly and took off in search of his little stuffed animal friend.
Once he was gone, Ryan jumped to his feet and raced off the bus, driven forcibly by guilt.

He dashed down the street, running right past the Laundromat in his haste and having to turn back around. He banged into the door as he opened it, causing the blinds to go askew loudly. Panting and with every eye in the place on him, Ryan hurried to the machine he used before.

But the floor in front of it was empty. Dirty, but still, nothing blue and lumpy resting there. Wildly, Ryan looked around, hoping for once the thing would show up with its scary abilities.
Then a tiny voice coming from the door caught Ryan’s ear and he whirled around.

"Look what I found mommy!" A little girl with yellow curls tugged on her mother’s skirt, holding up a little blue hippo in her hand.
Ryan gasped and raced forward, coming to a skidding halt in front of the child. Startled, the girl backed away, scared at the crazy glint in Ryan’s eye.

"Sorry, but that’s mine," Ryan said hurriedly, making to grab the stuffed animal but the girl backed away, pressing against the front of her mother’s legs.
"Yours?" The mother and daughter said at the same time disbelievingly.
"Yes, it’s mine! Now give it back!" Ryan was starting to lose it when he started clawing in the air wildly, trying desperately to get that hippo.

The little girl screamed and Ryan faltered for a second, ears ringing at the high octave. In his second of vulnerability, the girl’s mother whacked him hard across the head with her purse, picking up her child and positively sprinting out the door, hippo still clutched in that little hand.
"Mother fucker!" Ryan screamed, earning a few gaps from the small crowd in the Laundromat.

Ryan cursed under his breath numerous times as he left the store, mind reeling desperately for a solution. He couldn’t go back to the bus empty handed and see an upset Brendon; he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Ryan spotted a store across the street and thought, why the hell not. Might as well give it a chance.

Twenty minutes later Ryan stepped hesitantly onto the bus, a small plastic bag clutched behind his back.
Everything Brendon owned was strewn across the bus, the couches tilted and everything off center from Brendon’s crazy search.

"Bren?" Ryan called and Brendon came barreling in, looking so hopeful it hurt.
"Did you find him?" Brendon breathed, taking note of Ryan’s hands holding something behind him and craned his neck forward.
"No," Ryan started and Brendon’s face immediately fell. "But, if we don’t ever find him, I got you something that maybe could take his place?"

Brendon just looked downright confused now and Ryan brought his hands in front of him, reaching inside the bag and bringing out a bright yellow stuffed animal duck with a shiny red bow tied around its neck.
Shyly, Ryan held the duck out for Brendon and he took it right away, eyes wide in admiration.

"Oh Ry, he’s just perfect. Thank you," Brendon beamed, cradling the duck close to his chest. Ryan couldn’t help but smile back at Brendon’s immediate acceptance of the toy.
"Shall we get everything cleaned up then?" Ryan asked, gesturing to the room, wanting to get off the subject as quickly as possible.
"Oh, yeah, I suppose," Brendon agreed, still gazing at Ryan, wondering what he had done to receive such an awesome boyfriend.

Ryan started picking things up, mostly just throwing them onto the couch for now. He stopped when his fingers encased around something purple and smooth, standing up and unfolding the mysterious object.
"Bren, why do you have a leotard?" Ryan asked incredulously.
"Oh, just you know, in case we ever want to use one," Brendon said and Ryan’s eyes widened as he caught Brendon’s meaning. Brendon never failed to surprise Ryan with his overly kinky imagination.

"I think I'll name his Rossy," Brendon said once Ryan had placed the leotard down, eyeing it curiously.
Ryan beamed and bit his lip, flattered.
Brendon closed the distance between them and looked up at Ryan with big eyes, pressing their flat chest together.
"Really, ry. Thank you so much, I love him."
"Good, I'm glad," Ryan grinned, leaning forward to place a small kiss on Brendon’s lips.

Brendon licked his bottom lip and pulled away, walking slowly backward, undressing Ryan with his eyes.
"How about I show you just how thankful I am?" Brendon purred, hands reaching for his belt just as he turned the corner into the bunks.
Ryan grinned foolishly and scampered after him, doubling back on second thought and picking up the purple leotard before following Brendon into his bunk, all traces of Marvin gone from his mind the moment Brendon pushed him down onto the mattress.