Chasing Picket Fences

i sat there screaming into the empty space he had so recently occupied and sobbed. it was a pain i had never felt so bad before. gut wrenching, pure blinding agony that made me curl up tight and hope to god i wasn't going to hurl. the pain took over control and i slid sideways till my face was pressed against the floor. the jolt slammed what air hadn't already been banished, out in a harsh cough. the coughing itself refused to stop, and i coughed until i was close to drawing blood. the pulling desperation forced me to sit up again, and a lack of oxygen forced a stinging shuddering gasp through my cracked lips. i crawled to my feet and stumbled over to the bed and sat down. then felt the world spinning and had to lay. i tucked the pillow under my face and breathed deep. it was him. it still smelt like him. in fact the bed did. in fact, the bed was still warm from where he had been laying just minutes before. i felt around for my favourite three teddies and realized with another wave of crushing agony that two out of three of them had left with him.
i still hoped that he would walk back through the door, lay down next to me and that we'd finish crying together wrapped in each others arms. i hoped. but he didn't. as the light faded from the room i started to breathe again and realized something. as happy as i was to wake up alive and happy in his arms this morning, all i wanted now was to curl up and die in those arms tonight.