Mission: Dad
Chapter Two
I woke up and turned to look at the man sleeping next to me. I smiled and ran a hand through his hair, savoring the quiet moment. I could hear all of my bandmates breathing around me, but I wasn’t squeezed into a tiny bed with anyone else but Frank. I pulled him in even closer and reached for my phone. It had been on silent all night or else it probably would have woken everyone up- I had a couple thousand tweets and several of texts and calls. I wondered briefly what was going on as I read the first text.
Lyn-Z: Call me as soon as you get this! Do you understand!
I furrowed my brow and quickly read through all of my messages, each of which seemed urgent and cryptic. I called my ex wife. She picked up almost instantly.
“You have some explaining to do, Gerard. How could you have a daughter?” She demanded. Bitch.
“Well, you see, Lyn, we used to be married. And when we were married we had sex. And one time we had sex without protection, and you got pregnant. Then what happened was-”
“Oh shut the fuck up, Gerard, you know what I mean! I’m not talking about Bandit, I’m talking about the girl who is telling everyone on the Internet that you’re her father!”
“What the fuck are you talking about? Do you know how many people claim to be my child every day?” I demanded. What was so special about this one? We’d been dealing with this kind of thing for years!
“This one is a little different, Gerard, she looks just like you! Go on Twitter if you don’t believe me and when you figure out what the hell you’ve done you call me back so we can discuss what to do about Bandit because she tweeted Bandit too!” With that, Lyn-Z hung up. By now, everyone in the cabin of the tour bus was awake and staring at me expectantly.
“I guess some girl is saying she’s my daughter on Twitter and she tweeted at Bandit and everyone’s believing her for some reason.” I scratched my ear. All of my bandmates pulled out their phones. I started rifling through my tweets, every single one of which seemed to be concerning this girl. Twitter lead me to Tumblr and I found the girl’s story. I’ll admit that it was pretty convincing but I just couldn’t buy it. Anyone could dye their hair black and suddenly look like my kid.
“I better call Bandit.” I got up and walked to the bathroom to call my actual daughter. When she answered she was crying.
“Is it true, dad?” Bandit sobbed, not bothering to say hello.
“I really don’t think so. And if it is, I certainly didn’t know about it. Baby, you have to understand that people make these claims all the time. I have no idea how or why this one got so big but if she really does seek me out then I will explain to her that there is no way You’re my only baby girl. And anyway, I was dating someone at the time who did not give birth to any of my babies so there’s not a chance,” I explained, trying to calm her down.
“Will you make sure?” Bandit asked, her voice sounding calmer.
“Of course I will, baby girl. If she does manage to find me before everyone stops caring I will absolutely make sure that I prove she’s not mine. Until and unless she does that, I’m going to treat this how I’ve treated every other claim; I’m just going to ignore it.” I smiled. I was even reassuring myself a little.
“Okay, dad. I need to get ready for school. Call me tonight okay?”
“Of course. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”
“I love you too.”
I hung up the phone and frowned slightly. I was starting to have my own doubts. Yes I was with Eliza at the time, but I barely remembered the relationship solely for the fact that I was drunk all the time. What if I fucked up?
Lyn-Z: Call me as soon as you get this! Do you understand!
I furrowed my brow and quickly read through all of my messages, each of which seemed urgent and cryptic. I called my ex wife. She picked up almost instantly.
“You have some explaining to do, Gerard. How could you have a daughter?” She demanded. Bitch.
“Well, you see, Lyn, we used to be married. And when we were married we had sex. And one time we had sex without protection, and you got pregnant. Then what happened was-”
“Oh shut the fuck up, Gerard, you know what I mean! I’m not talking about Bandit, I’m talking about the girl who is telling everyone on the Internet that you’re her father!”
“What the fuck are you talking about? Do you know how many people claim to be my child every day?” I demanded. What was so special about this one? We’d been dealing with this kind of thing for years!
“This one is a little different, Gerard, she looks just like you! Go on Twitter if you don’t believe me and when you figure out what the hell you’ve done you call me back so we can discuss what to do about Bandit because she tweeted Bandit too!” With that, Lyn-Z hung up. By now, everyone in the cabin of the tour bus was awake and staring at me expectantly.
“I guess some girl is saying she’s my daughter on Twitter and she tweeted at Bandit and everyone’s believing her for some reason.” I scratched my ear. All of my bandmates pulled out their phones. I started rifling through my tweets, every single one of which seemed to be concerning this girl. Twitter lead me to Tumblr and I found the girl’s story. I’ll admit that it was pretty convincing but I just couldn’t buy it. Anyone could dye their hair black and suddenly look like my kid.
“I better call Bandit.” I got up and walked to the bathroom to call my actual daughter. When she answered she was crying.
“Is it true, dad?” Bandit sobbed, not bothering to say hello.
“I really don’t think so. And if it is, I certainly didn’t know about it. Baby, you have to understand that people make these claims all the time. I have no idea how or why this one got so big but if she really does seek me out then I will explain to her that there is no way You’re my only baby girl. And anyway, I was dating someone at the time who did not give birth to any of my babies so there’s not a chance,” I explained, trying to calm her down.
“Will you make sure?” Bandit asked, her voice sounding calmer.
“Of course I will, baby girl. If she does manage to find me before everyone stops caring I will absolutely make sure that I prove she’s not mine. Until and unless she does that, I’m going to treat this how I’ve treated every other claim; I’m just going to ignore it.” I smiled. I was even reassuring myself a little.
“Okay, dad. I need to get ready for school. Call me tonight okay?”
“Of course. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”
“I love you too.”
I hung up the phone and frowned slightly. I was starting to have my own doubts. Yes I was with Eliza at the time, but I barely remembered the relationship solely for the fact that I was drunk all the time. What if I fucked up?