Can't Stop

Chapter 5

I collapsed onto my bed, face buried in my pillow. Libby stared at me and cocked her head to the side. "Where have you been?"

I mumbled into my pillow.

"Huh?"

I groaned as I slowly sat up in my bed and rested against the brick wall. "I ran into James."

She looked confused for a moment, and then her eyes widened in shock. "Wait, James as in sexy James from the plane ride? Oh my god, he's here? What happened?"

I nodded and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. "Everything was going fine. We went to get dinner, and then out of nowhere he stormed out and left me there. God, I didn't know he was such an asshole."

Libby's jaw dropped. "Maybe he had a good reason?"

I shrugged. Who cares if he had a good reason to leave? He was rude. I don't know why I was wasting my time even thinking about him to begin with, it's not like he was relationship material. He was too old for me, too complicated, too different. It wouldn't have worked out anyways. I'm not sure he even liked me in that way -- and I'd only met him twice, so I shouldn't care so much. I literally know nothing about him.

But I cared. I banged my head back against the wall, wincing at the pain. "Let's talk about something else," I said.

Libby's face brightened as she jumped up. "I know exactly what you need!" She went down on her knees and shuffled under my bed until she resurfaced a moment later, clutching last night's bottle of vodka to her chest like a trophy. "You need to get really drunk."

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Again? I think I'm still hungover."

She giggled. "Well, you know what they say..."

I stared blankly at her.

"...the best way to avoid a hangover is to just keep drinking!"

"What?" I laughed. "Libby, I don't think that's what anyone says... where the hell did you hear that?"

"My brother used to tell me that all the time. Trust me," she stated reassuringly as she unscrewed the cap from the bottle. "I'm getting drunk whether or not you join me. This is what college is all about."

"Right," I laughed. My mom would be so proud of me right now -- getting drunk and smoking weed, skipping my classes, hanging out with older guys. This is exactly what my parents are paying $50,000 a year for.

My phone began vibrating on my desk. Libby stared at it, wide-eyed. "I bet its James," she whispered.

I bit my lip. "I'm not answering it."

She rolled her eyes. "If you're not, then I am." She skipped over to my phone before I could grab her and held it up to her ear. "Hello, this is Cassidy's phone... no, this is Libby. Oh, hi Dave.... hmm? No, we had an orientation thing earlier. They were pretty strict about the no-talking-to-hot-actors-that-keep-you-out-until-4-am-on-the-phone rule. Sorry." She laughed.

I shook my head at her, attempting to grab the phone from her hands. She twirled around and spun just out of my reach, darting to the other side of the room.

"Nah, we're not really doing anything right now," she continued. "We were about to get drunk so that we can put an end to Cassidy's bitch of a hangover.... Yeah, I know. She didn't believe me, but I guess you're the expert...." Libby grinned cheekily at me. "Sure. Room 417..... okay, sounds good. Glad we had this chat, Dave." She hung up and handed me back my phone.

I stared at her. "Well? What did he say?"

"Nothing important. He agrees about my hangover cure. He thinks we should keep drinking," she sang, skipping back over to my desk where she had set down the vodka. "Oh, and he's coming over here in ten minutes."

I raised my eyebrows. "What?!"

Libby just shrugged in response.

"Uh, he can't come here. Call him back, tell him you were just kidding! Libby!"

"No big deal. He just wants to hang. It's not like we have to wait for him to get here, though," she said, taking a sip from the bottle and then wincing. "We need chasers, this is so damn strong.

I groaned and looked around our dorm frantically. Oh my god, Dave is going to be in here. In ten minutes. I quickly grabbed some of the stuffed animals from my bed and shoved them in the closet, tossing in the baby blanket from Libby's bed at the same time. "Dave is like, a serious actor. This dorm is a mess, Libby. He can't see all this stuff!" I cried, grabbing the bulletin board filled with embarrassing selfies with my high school friends and cramming it under my bed. I scanned the room, picking up bras and underwear off the floor as I did so and stuffing them out of view.

Libby watched me with a combination of awe and horror. "Seriously, Cass, he's not even going to notice this stuff," she said after a few minutes.

"He's not going to notice it because it's all going to be hidden. Oh god, I look like shit right now."

Libby stood up from her bed and put a hand on my shoulder. "Cass, take a deep breath. Here," she said, handing me the vodka. "Just take a few sips. You need to chill out."

I nodded and chugged it for a few seconds, choking slightly as I lowered the bottle. "This tastes horrible. Where did Danny even get this from?"

"Uh..."

A knock on our door silenced Libby before she could answer. Shit, he's here.

I opened the door, still clutching the half-empty bottle in my left hand, to find Dave standing in the hallway carrying what looked like an expensive bottle of champagne.

He grinned at me, nearly blinding me with his teeth. "Hey Cassidy. I come bearing gifts," he chuckled, lifting up the champagne.

"Very classy," I said, standing there awkwardly.

Libby peered over my shoulder into the hallway. "Hi!" she squealed, opening the door wider. "Come on in -- welcome to our humble abode."

Dave stepped slowly over the threshold and looked around the room. As he glanced at everything I realized that I had left an open bag of chips and a jumbo pack of double-stuffed Oreos sitting on my side table. Great, now he'll think I'm a fatass. How could I forget those?

"Nice. I like it," he said. "Makes me wish I was in college."

I let out a small sigh of relief. "We, um, don't have a whole lot of seating in here. Theres my desk chair but it's not that comfortable--"

"It's cool," he interrupted me, flashing a grin back over his shoulder as he moved into the room. He sat down on my bed casually.

I sat beside him, making sure to leave a few feet between us. Libby sprawled out across her bed on her stomach and rested her head in her hands. "So..." she said after a few moments passed by. "What should we do?"

I shrugged.

"Well, I feel like getting drunk. So let's play a drinking game. Any suggestions, Dave?"

"Why me?" he asked, smiling mischievously.

Libby paused. "You seem like you'd be the expert," she eventually responded.

"Not like you're an alcoholic or anything," I added quickly.

Dave laughed. "Hmm, not enough people for beer pong or flip cup. We'd need a deck of cards if we played kings. We could go with a classic, Never Have I Ever?"

Libby sat up, clearly excited by this idea. "Yeah! Okay, it's decided. We're playing."

I stared blankly at them. "Never ever what?"

Libby laughed. "We go around, say something we've never done before. If you have, you take a drink. Whoever finishes their cup first loses," she explained as she poured the rest of the vodka into three red solo cups. She handed one to Dave, and then one to me.

"Sounds easy enough," I shrugged. "What kind of stuff do you say?"

"Anything," Dave said. "It could be something as serious as never been to a funeral, or something stupid, like you've never been to Canada. Whatever you want to say."

"Or something sexual," Libby added, grinning. "I'll start. Never have I ever been in a car accident."

Dave took a sip. I didn't.

"Never have I ever been skinny dipping," Dave said. Libby took a sip.

I bit my lip, racking my brain for something I'd never done. "Uhh..." I mumbled, buying time. "Never have I ever... been on a boat."

Dave stared at me in shock. "Really? That's so weird," he chuckled as he and Libby each drank from their cups. At this rate, I would definitely win. And by winning I mean managing to look like a complete loser.

Libby had to think for a minute before she went. "Never have I ever had anal sex," she finally said.

Nobody drank, but Dave and I both made faces at her in disgust.

"Okay, okay," she laughed. "Just checking. A lot of people do, you know. It's like the big new thing."

"Right," Dave laughed. "Never have I ever driven while drunk."

Libby took a small sip. "Eh, I was a little tipsy once," she shrugged.

We continued the game for another twenty minutes or so, each round getting slightly more serious or sexual, until Libby finished her drink first. "All right," she said, standing up and wobbling a little. "I've got plans with Ryan, so I'm heading out. No worries, it's just across the hall. You two have fun," she winked very obviously at me.

I blushed slightly, hoping Dave didn't notice. "You're leaving?" I asked her. "No, please stay."

"Yeah," Dave nodded, "we've still got this whole bottle of champagne."

Libby laughed. "Have an extra glass in my honor, then," she said cheerily, grabbing her cell phone and room key from the table. "See you guys later. Nice meeting you, Dave."

"You too. Glad you invited me."

"Mm-hmm, any time," she called over her shoulder. She closed the door and yelled loudly from the hallway, "Don't have sex in my bed!"

Dave didn't react, so I pretended like I hadn't heard her, but I couldn't help but laugh a little to myself.

"What do you say, wanna crack open the champagne?" he asked.

I nodded, and he popped the bottle open, spilling a lot of it onto the floor. "Oh, sorry," he laughed.

"Eh, who cares," I said, laughing again. I was starting to feel pretty drunk. Libby was right, it did wipe out my headache.

Dave poured a generous amount into my cup, and an equal amount into his. "So, I believe its your turn."

"You still want to play, just the two of us?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Why the hell not," he shrugged. "Besides, I like learning about you. It's kind of fun."

"Okay," I laughed. "Never have I ever broken a bone." He drank.

"Never have I ever been in college." I drank, but made a face at him.

"Never been to Europe." He drank.

"Never kissed a guy." I drank.

"Never kissed a girl." He drank.

"Never sent nudes to someone." I laughed, but didn't drink.

"Never had an orgy." He laughed, but didn't drink.

"Never been the dumpee, always the dumper." I drank.

"Never had sex."

He paused and looked up at me, his face slightly perplexed. "Really? I just sort of... assumed... I mean, you're like crazy gorgeous so I figured by now..."

I shook my head, trying to remember why I thought it would be a good idea tell him that. But my mind was so clouded by the alcohol, I could barely remember what I said. He's probably had sex with hundreds of girls, and he'll forever think of me now as the little virgin who invited him to her dorm room to get drunk on cheap vodka.

He was still looking at me, staring intently into my eyes. I wanted to look away so that I didn't have to see that expression on his face, but I couldn't pull my eyes away from his. "I -- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude," he continued. "I guess I just never considered that possibility. I mean, I respect that, though, saving it for the right guy..."

I could sense him searching for the right words, but I cut him off. "It's not like I'm trying to make it this big deal, losing my virginity or whatever. It's just... I don't know, the opportunity never really presented itself, or if it did, I didn't realize it. I don't know, I just haven't had sex. It's not because I didn't want to or because I'm waiting to find the one or whatever," I mumbled. I could feel that familiar sting in the back of my eyes, the kind you get before you're about to cry. No, I couldn't let myself cry in front of him. Not because of this. "I hate how people make it this big ordeal. Like it has to be this long evening with rose petals and an expensive hotel room, or all planned out on prom night. Maybe I just want to have sex on a regular night, with a regular guy, in a regular bed. You know?"

Dave still looked confused, but he nodded. "I think so. But, and I hate to sound corny, it's still going to be something you always remember. It'll still be your first time, whether or not you make it a big event. So, it's still important," he said slowly, like he was convincing himself, too.

"I guess," I said. "I just want to get it over with so I don't have to think about it anymore."

He didn't say anything, he just kept staring at me. The extra feet of bed that I had so carefully left between us earlier had dwindled down to a mere inch or two as the night went on, and his body was so close to mine that I could almost feel his breath escaping his slightly parted lips. I let my eyes slip from his locked gaze to examine his lips more. They looked soft, like if I were to touch them, I might not even feel them. They were moist because he kept licking them every so often, a habit I had noticed last night at the bar. It was cute, the way he licked his lips. I wanted him to do it again now that I was watching them.

I didn't even realize what I was doing until I felt my lips collide against his. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pressed closer to him. I could feel one of his hands tighten around my waist, the other cradling my face. Our mouths parted for a moment as he studied my face. I was about to pull away from him and apologize when he crashed into my mouth with his own, his tongue dancing against mine. I bit his bottom lip, and couldn't help but smile into the kiss when he responded with a soft groan.

He slid his hand behind my back and raised himself on top of me so that I was lying beneath him on the bed. His weight felt good on top of me, although I knew he was still supporting himself with an arm so he didn't crush me. His lips moved down my jaw and into the crook on my neck, and he began sucking and biting, planting soft kisses after each nibble. I pressed my hands into his back, digging my nails into his sculpted muscles. I wanted him.

His kisses ventured along my collar bone down to my chest, at which point he stopped and looked up to me. I nodded, encouraging him to continue. He returned his attention to unbuttoning my shirt and I helped slide his v-neck up over his head. Damn, he had a nice body. I just wanted to run my hands over his abs and count each individual muscle.

His mouth was now back on mine, our lips colliding rhythmically. I was just beginning to unbuckle his belt when he pulled away and propped himself up on his forearms. He let his head fall against my chest and groaned.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, afraid of saying the wrong thing. I didn't want him to stop.

"We can't do this," he said softly. "It can't be like this."

"Yes it can. Dave, I want this, okay? I want to do this."

He shook his head. "You're drunk, you don't know what you want."

I let out a sigh of frustration. "What, you don't want to anymore? Why do you always do this? You could've just--"

"--Trust me, Cass. That's not it," he said huskily, closing his eyes. "But you're going to regret this, and I don't want to be that guy." He stood up and pulled his shirt back over his head as I watched him, mouth gaping.

"I can't believe you're just leaving."

"You'll thank me tomorrow," he said as he walked out the room, closing the door gently behind him. I waited and listened for his footsteps down the hall, but I didn't hear any.

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