Home Is Where the Heart Is

Three minutes have never been so long.

Every time Alex glances at the little timer clock sitting on the bathroom counter, it seems to have not moved at all. He isn’t usually an impatient man, but this has him tapping his foot and biting his lip as he sits on the edge of the tub.

Next to the clock on the counter is a small paper cup. One that is supposed to be filled with water, now instead has a small amount of urine and three sticks poking out. The sticks are pregnancy tests. Alex had gone down to the corner store that morning to get them. It had taken him nearly five minutes to pick out a good brand, because they’d all said they worked best. Finally he’d just chosen a few boxes of the same one and bought them.

It’s officially been two weeks since Alex and his husband, Jack, have tried to conceive for the first time. Both are eager for a baby, so they of course tried a few times after that. Alex is hoping that the first time worked, because he’s read two weeks is about the minimum time to wait to take a test, but the tests he bought also said that they’re sensitive.

As he waits, Alex’s mind starts to wonder off. He thinks again about how he and Jack had really started to talk about having a baby. It came up randomly just about a month ago.

Neither man is paying much attention to the movie playing. It isn’t very surprising that the elder of the two isn’t focused, but it is that the younger isn’t focused. Jack was the one to pick out Home Alone tonight. It is his favorite movie, after all.

Alex lifts his head off his husband’s chest to look at him through the darkness of their bedroom. Jack is spaced out. He isn’t looking at the TV. Curious, Alex raises his eyebrows.

“Hey, babe,” he says, trying to get Jack’s attention. He has to say Jack’s name a couple times until his husband finally looks at him, slightly dazed.

“Oh, sorry, Alex. I must have spaced out a little,” Jack says, smiling and leaning down to kiss Alex’s lips. Alex smiles into it and squeezes Jack with the arm around his waist.

“Yeah, you must have been. What were you thinking about?” he asks, shuffling closer. Almost every Saturday night, the two lovers have a movie ‘date.’ They pile blankets and pillows on their bed, pop popcorn, and put in a movie. Then they curl up together and relax. Alex loves their slow night of cuddles and kisses.

Jack contemplates it for a while. Alex watches as he presses his lips together in his signature way while he thinks. Finally he looks down at Alex. “You want to know?”

Alex looks surprised. Why wouldn’t he want to know? “Well, of course.”

Jack doesn’t look too sure, which only makes Alex want to know more. Whatever his husband is thinking about is interesting to him. He wants to know about it. Alex reaches out to get the remote and pauses the movie. Then he sits up so he’s looking properly at Jack.

“Come on, tell me,” Alex says, smiling playfully and poking his husband’s arm, “it can be our little secret. You know I won’t tell anyone.” He pretends to zip his mouth, lock it, and throw away the key.

A smile breaks out across Jack’s face at Alex’s antics. “Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. It’s… kind of serious, though.”

Alex nods, taking on his more mature side. “Sure. Go ahead,” he says.

Jack takes a deep breath before he begins. “Well, I was just thinking about when we were engaged. I remember we were at a café, and I told you all about how I wanted kids someday. I was rambling on and on, but I never gave you a chance to speak. So I started wondering just now about what you were thinking… And what you think now.”

For a few seconds, Alex is silent. He thinks about everything Jack just told him, speaking in a rush. Honestly, Alex hasn’t thought about that memory in a long time. And he hasn’t ever thought about children that he can remember.

“Oh, um, I haven’t really thought about it at all,” Alex says somewhat awkwardly, not knowing what exactly to say.

Jack frowns and starts to bite at his lower lip. He clearly is nervous. “Well, what do you think about kids? I’m just wondering.” He adds the last part quickly, as if to diminish any misinterpretation.

What does Alex think? He doesn’t know. He’s never even gave the topic a thought, even when he was younger. His parents had talked to him about how he’d grow up, get married to the perfect girl, and have lots of kids, but it had unnoticeably stopped when Alex started going out with Jack. They must think the two won’t have kids. Maybe it’s because Alex had married a man.

Suddenly Alex’s mind is whirring with thoughts. He is trying to figure out and surface any opinions on having kids that might be buried deep in his brain.

“I think I want some,” he says slowly, testing out the words. It’s like a guessing game. They sound right, taste right, feel right. Does he want kids? It is quite possible. After all, he is in a snug place. He’s married, both men have stable jobs, and they live in a good home of their own. Raising children would be easy, at least financially and morally.

Unsure, the younger of the two gives a questioning look. He knows Alex is treading here.

Alex chews the inside of his cheek as he thinks. He tries to picture himself and Jack with a baby. Maybe they are sitting in this same spot, but with a tiny human bundled in blankets with them. He can see it, but he doesn’t know how he feels about it.

“You know, I’m really not positive. Let me sleep on it. Ask me tomorrow,” Alex decides when he can’t make up his muddled mind. He smiles and turns off the TV, pulling the covers up and getting situated on the bed. A second later, Jack follows suit, settling down on the king size mattress.

Alex moves closer to his beau. They fit together perfectly with their legs tangled, Jack’s arms around Alex’s waist tightly and Alex’s head on Jack’s shoulder. They sleep like this nearly every night. It’s comfortable and close, just how the two like it.

Once they exchange ‘I love you’s,’ the two close their eyes. As Alex is drifting off, his head fills with thoughts and images of children. He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

The ringing that singles three minutes have passed snaps Alex out of his thoughts. He shakes off the haze of reminiscence and stands up to turn off the timer and collect the sticks. Suddenly Alex’s stomach does nervous flips. He’s anxious but scared at the same time to look at the results.

Alex takes the pregnancy tests out without looking at the little screens, setting them face down on the counter. He throws away the cup and then takes deep breaths as he prepares himself. Slowly Alex picks up one stick and flips it over. His eyes flit down.

A plus – a positive.

Alex’s heart speeds up in his chest. One down, two to go. He reaches for the next test and reads the outcome.

Positive.

With a surge of confidence, Alex quickly takes the final stick in his hand and flips it over.

A third positive!

Alex almost can’t believe what he’s seeing. There in his hand are three pregnancy tests telling him that he is, in fact, with child. The happiness he is feeling is almost unbelievable. Just a month ago he’d been unsure as to whether he ever wanted a baby, and now, here he is, pregnant. And overjoyed.

With his newfound happiness, Alex quickly washes his hands and the tests. He almost shakes with excitement. Oh, god, when Jack finds out… He’ll be so surprised. So happy. Alex has played out how he would tell Jack almost every day since they’d first started trying for a baby. He’s gone online and looked up cute ways many times. After a lot of searching, Alex decided. He’d thought the pink and blue carnations were a good hint, and he’d also wanted to buy a ‘Best Dad Ever!’ shirt and put it in a gift box with the tests on top. So he had, and now the box is hidden in the closet for the day Alex needs it, which happens to be today. The only things left are the flowers.

A brief trip to the store later, Alex is ready to set up the exceptional night. He will cook dinner with the flowers as the centerpiece on the table, and then give Jack the gift when they are done eating.

Jack gets home at six, and it’s already four, so Alex goes straight to work. He makes his noteworthy fettuccine alfredo pasta that he knows Jack loves and mixes up some steamed vegetables. As the garlic bread is baking, Alex gets out a bottle of expensive wine the couple have been saving for a special occasion and nearly pours two glasses, but then remembers with a grin that he shouldn’t be having alcohol. So he gives himself water, and sets Jack’s wine at his spot at the table.

Alex finishes with just minutes to spare. He sets up the table nicely and even lights some candles to place around. The food looks delicious, if he can say so himself. Suddenly he hears a car in the driveway, meaning Jack is home. Alex rushes upstairs and changes, then goes downstairs to greet his husband.

“Hey, babe,” Alex says as the door opens, walking into the entry way. Jack smiles in a dazzling way as he removes his jacket. Alex loves that beautiful grin. It can always brighten his day.

“Hi there. How was your day?” the younger man asks as he moves forward to hug Alex. Alex’s arms wind around Jack’s neck, Jack’s arms sliding around Alex’s waist. They share a sweet but short kiss before Alex pulls back to answer.

“It was great,” he says honestly. Great is actually an understatement. Alex is over the moon. But he can’t get too worked up now. “And you?”

“Mmm,” Jack hums, nuzzling his face in the crook of Alex’s neck and leaving a few butterfly kisses on the soft skin. “Better now that I’m with you.”

Alex feels his cheeks heat up in a blush as he pulls away. He is unable to help smiling. “You’re too sweet, Jay. You know that?”

Jack just grins and shrugs, kissing his husband’s temple. “Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.”

Alex rolls his eyes and takes his arms away from Jack’s neck. Jack starts to protest and apologize, thinking he’s upset Alex, but Alex just grabs his hand and tugs him towards the kitchen. “I made dinner. I hope you like it.”

Jack’s grin gets bigger when he sees everything set up. Alex has used their best plates and utensils. The food is sitting in big glass bowl dishes between the spots set up, hot and ready to be eaten. The candles flicker and give light to the dim room, the one near Jack’s place illuminating his wedding wine glass that was filled with a deep red liquid.

“Alex… Oh my god. You did all this?” Jack asks, looking down at his husband, who now has one hand on the small of his back and the other on his chest.

Alex smiles and nods, satisfied with Jack’s reaction. “Come sit down,” he insists, moving away and pulling out Jack’s chair for him.

Jack doesn’t protest. He walks over and sits in his chair, murmuring a ‘thank you’ to the man who is soon sitting across from him.

“I made fettuccine alfredo because I know you love it,” Alex says, unfolding his napkin in his lap. When Jack asks him why he’s come to deserve this surprise, Alex just shrugs in a more or less mysterious way and urges him to dish up.

Dinner passes easily, with laughter and talking and many kisses shared across the table. Alex can’t wait to give Jack the gift. The skunk-haired man hasn’t yet noticed the carefully picked colors of the flowers, or the fact that Alex isn’t drinking any wine. Maybe he has noticed the latter, but just assumes it is because Alex doesn’t want wine.

For dessert, there is leftover pie that Jack’s mother brought to them a few days before. Alex hadn’t had time to make anything new, but Jack seems just as happy to share the last two slices of chocolate filling and Oreo crust. And Alex will never admit it, but he finds it extremely amusing how Jack always manages to get crust crumbs dabbled on his lips.

Finally, it’s time. They’ve both finished their food and now chat leisurely. Alex doesn’t want the moment to slip by, so he stops the conversation as it dies down a little by standing up.

“Stay here,” he tells Jack. “I’ll be right back.” The elder man hurriedly makes his way upstairs. He finds the box with the shirt in the back of the closet where he’d known it would be safe, and sets it on the bed. Alex pre-wrapped the lid and the box itself, so he now easily opens it and places the three pregnancy tests, that he’d put in the drawer when he’d gone to change, on top of the shirt. He makes sure the pluses are all visible as well as the big printing of ‘Best Dad Ever!’ Alex’s heart swells as he thinks about how his husband is going to take the news.

Alex closes the box and takes a couple deep breaths before he walks back downstairs. Jack is still sitting in his chair like Alex told him to do. He looks up with interest when he sees Alex carrying the box. Alex just smiles and places it down in front of Jack.

“What’s this?” Jack askes, looking up at Alex, who stands next to his chair.

“Just a little gift. Open it and see,” Alex answers, shrugging nonchalantly. Inside he is exhilarated, heart fluttering with anxiety.

Jack hums a bit as he slowly lifts the lid off and peers into the box. Alex unknowingly holds his breath as he waits. There are a few moments of silence in which Alex begins to panic, but his worry is cut short when Jack lifts his head silently. Tears are starting to stream down his face.

“Is this… Is it real?” he breaths. His dark eyes are big and glistening.

Alex opens his mouth to answer, but no sound comes out. He only nods and twists the fabric of his shirt between his fingers. He’s still uneasy about how Jack is taking the news.

In a blur, Jack jumps up and engulfs his husband, taking him by surprise. Quiet sobs can be heard as Jack buries his face against Alex’s shoulder, hugging him tightly. He changes his mind and pulls back without warning, gripping Alex’s biceps and holding him at arm’s length.

“You,” Jack whispers, “are the most amazing person in the world.”

Alex looks at the other man in shock and wonder as he dries Jack’s tears and shakes his own head.

“Perfect. You’re so fucking perfect, Alexander,” Jack avows assuredly, then again brings Alex into his arms. Alex smiles from ear to ear as tears well up in his own eyes. He’s ecstatic, body feeling electrified and giddy.

Jack sounds how Alex feels as he exclaims, “We’re going to be dads!” and then laughs.

“We’re going to be dads,” Alex murmurs, because he knows that if he speaks too loud he will start crying as Jack has. The realization has worn away and leaves the pure anticipation and eagerness for what is to come in just nine months’ time.

It’s going to be a long journey full of new experiences, good and bad, but the prize at the end is one Alex will do anything to receive. With Jack by his side, or on his knees kissing his stomach lovingly as he’s doing now, Alex knows they will be fine. They can do it.