The Last of Us

I rested in peace for a while. I was half conscious, just thinking about things, as the cold sun began splintering through the crooked blinds in the small office.

I slept in the computer chair, Tommy laid on the sofa with his back to me, the sun slowly worked across my cheekbones, warming up my face and making me feel significantly less shitty.

It reminded me of waking up in a tent on a summer morning. The birds singing and making all kinds of racket outside the thin walls, the creek bubbling along the shore and the crickets in the tall grass... That was peaceful. Until... Of course, Sarah woke up, stretched, yawned and jumped on you, making you fear that she'd crushed every bone in your body, then she'd start laughing and say "get up..."

And I would, I wouldn't care that my ribs were sore all day, I wouldn't care because I was enjoying the outing with her... But now, she is long gone, and some times I swear I can feel the ache in my ribs when I wake in the morning... My eyes fly open and I expect her to be right there, but there's never anything more than dust motes drifting through the air, riding on sunbeams through the windows...

I cleared my throat quiety and finally opened my eyes, slowly adjusting to the sunlight. The building was silent, and for a few moments, I considered packing up and heading out while it was still early. But judging from Tommy's behavior last night, he'd no doubt, try to convince Kendall to join us on our journey to Atlanta, which wa roughly another two days on foot, a few hours by vehicle.

How did I feel about that? I honestly didn't know. Did I honestly support his decision to have people join us, or reject it? I couldn't decide...

Tommy groaned as he awoke, rubbing his eyes and sitting up slowly, and at that same pace, he comprehended where we were and what predicament we were in.

I did not look away from the window as I spoke, "I know what you're thinking..." I said slowly, nothing changed in the scenery outside the glass "and we can't- I can't."

"Damn..." Tommy yawned and stretched, "at least explain to me what you're going on about."

"Those people?" I questioned, finally looking over at him impatiently "it won't matter that he pointed a gun at you, you'll still offer him a place in our happy little mariachi band." I explained sarcastically.

"He was scared!" Tommy exclaimed under his voice "We probably woulda done the same thing, and you know it."

I paused, surprised that he'd thrown the hostile behavior of Kendall Larson back at me, comparing it to my own reaction. I narrowed my eyes at him "Why him? Of all people? Can't we just move on? I'm sure there will be more people for you to save along the way."

He suddenly got angry, standing up and pointing at me "Quit being a stubborn sonova bitch! How come it's so shameful of me to want to help people? Help fix and restore things? Is that what makes you feel better about yourself? About your miserable life? Knocking down someone else?"

I was baffled... And for once, wordless. I didn't know how to respond to that, mostly because Tommy rarely had an outburst at me. Also, even thought I didn't want to admit it to his face, he was right... It didn't necessarily make me feel better about myself. It didn't make me feel impowered, it just made me feel less insignificant. It made me feel angry, and it numbed the dull feeling of loss...

"We need to go..." I grunted, rising from my chair to stand at eyelevel with him.

"Fine." Tommy threw his hands up in mock defeat. "You're done, get packed, get all your anger out punching holes through the walls, 'cause I don't much care. No matter what you say, I'm still asking them to come with us, and that's that."

He grabbed his shirt off the arm of the couch and pulled it over his head, stuffing his crap back into his backpack and slinging it over it shoulder. He spared one brief glance my direction before ducking out into the hall and closing the door behind him silently.

It left me alone to brew in my own anger. Anger at myself, anger at Tommy, anger at the world. I just felt entitled to be furious with everything in existence.

Buttoning my own shirt and rolling up the sleeves, I heard faint thuds and voices. I peered out into the hallway and listened carefully, hearing nothing else. I pulled my backpack onto my shoulders and double checked to be sure I'd gotten everything before venturing down the hall, gun in hand...

I approached the doorway of the breakroom, peeking around the corner, a bit surprised with the scene.

Tommy sat at the table, a styrofoam cup of coffee in front of him, steam rolling off it, pointing at different locations on a map, showing them to Kendall, who sat across from him, nodding in agreement, sipping coffee. His two girls sat at the table behind him, eating bowls of fruit loops.

To be honest, I expected to walk into a scene of Tommy's outline printed on the wallpaper in shotgun shells, with him quivering in fear in the middle.

"Joel!" Tommy greeted me in surprise. I slowly walked in, shoving my revolver back into the waistband of my jeans, dropping into the seat between the two men, lacking interest in what they were discussing, I knew what they were discussing, and I didn't like it or support it.

I did not have to respond before Tommy continued talking.

"I was just, ah, discussing travel plans with Kendall here." he took a cautious sip of his coffee, which I damn near swatted out of his hand. He was trying to play innocent and pretend I did want Kendall with us, so he'd agree and I couldn't back out. I just narrowed my eyes at him.

"To be honest with you, Tommy, I'm not sure that's a journey I want to drag my girls on." Kendall concluded, leaning back in his chair, I shot Tommy a smug look.

"-But..."

I nearly pouted.

"It's gotta be safer in Atlanta than here... Guards, food, medical supplies and a bed... I think I could barter with that. Ey, I'm gonna think'it over first."

Kendall was thoughtful for a while, I took that as my oppertunity to kick Tommy under the table and shoot him a glare that shouted what the fuck?!...

He shot me a smug look and briefy shrugged, pretending to be stirring his coffee with a straw.

I'd swear he was doing this just to irk me... Because Kendall has two daughters or because he knows how to push my buttons in ways Tommy was brave enough to even try, I might not ever know.

I got up and went to search the other offices in the back for something to do, also to look for something to break in a rage-fit. I yanked open drawers, snagging a flask of strong alcohol, a half empty carton of cigarettes and a Zippo lighter from the drawer of (judging from the other objects littering the desk) either a recovering alcoholic or someone who was really getting into it.

I walked around the cubicles in the small room, checking the radios for a signal, nothing but static, so I took one of them, stuffed it in my pack and removed the batteries from the others, they'd come in handy.

I found two flashlights, and recovered the keys to the weapon vault off a dead officer in one of the offices. I looked at the man sympathetically, a note pinned to his chest reading I was weak... a small handgun in hie left hand, half his brain blown across the wall behind him in a primative backdrop.

I wandered on, peeking through doorways, looking for the weapon vault in question. I honestly expected it to be empty when I found it...

Flipping on the lights, they came on one by one, illuminating a small cinderblock room with iron grates across the shelves, holdings everything from rifles to shotguns to various models of handguns. The weapons that dealed the real damage long gone, though. A few boxes of ammo remained, I grabbed those, checking the model before stuffing them in the back pocket of my backpack.

Grabbing two shotguns and two rifles for Tommy and Kendall, I grabbed a second handgun, getting damn tired of sharing with Tommy.

I gathered as much gear as I could, walking back to the break room with the weapons in my arms. When I entered the room, Kendall's hand twitched towards the gun in his holster. I dropped the guns on the table with a gruff sigh.

"Help yourself." I muttered, walking out again. Tommy had given me a look of amazement... And I knew what that meant. I didn't want anyone else depending on me, no one other than Tommy looking to me for answers, looking to me to protect him. That's the main reason I chose to arm Kendall, so that wouldn't be my responsibility.

I took two calming, deep breaths, pausing in the waiting room, peeking out the blinds of the front windows at the morning sunlight and vacant streets. I heard the clatter of little feet on the cheap tile and turned to see Jenna and Jaice tailing their father into the room, followed by Tommy, who was oogling over a map.

This. This right here could either be the greatest mistake of my life, or the best thing I could have done with it... There was no in between.

With a heavy sigh and a gruff, annoyed tone, I directed them out the front door, shutting up the station securely behind us, I looked up ahead as the sun began making it's way over the hills surrounding the community of King's County.

"We're hotwiring a car," I decided, pointing down the street where a few nice, spaceous ones were parked. We had our pick of the litter. "Travelin' will go a lot faster on wheels than by foot."

No one objected, not even sweet, innocent little Tommy. But still, I could feel his stare of disapproval boring a hole into the back of my skull.

I inspected them each briefly. There was an old Chevy pickup from the late 60's, a 2000's minivan and a fairly new Volvo parked along the curb. I didn't wait for anyone else to consult and made my own judgements based on the size of the fuel tank, how much gas remained in them, and how much room they had to store supplies.

Without so much as a second glance, I confidently chose the Chevy. Propping open the drivers' side door, I went to work crossing the colored wires severed with my hunting knife. My brow furrowed and sweaty in deep concentration, I could hear low conversations outside the truck.

Kendall and Tommy carried out a fairly civil discussion, only ever few minutes or so Kendall tossed in another jab for no reason. Maybe that was part of his paranoia or just his way of feeling better... as I thought that over, it reminded me of what Tommy had gone off on me for just earlier that morning.

My mind wandered after a bit, I began to wonder what we'd find in Atlanta. Would it be an abandoned quarantine zone? Like you always see on TV? Trashed beyond repair, not one supply in sight?... Or would something be there?... Someone be there. Guards, officials, doctors and more. My heart sped up hopefully, and I almost didn't have the strength th remember the sad thought... There was still the possibility that there'd be nothing there, and I got excited for nothing. Chasing a shadow...

"Almost done in there?!" Kendall banged against the back of the cab impatiently, and I was damn near ready to tell him to go fuck himself. I growled under my breath and wiped my hands on my jeans, connecting the last wires, the engine roared to life, louder than expected. I didn't miss the oppertunity to chuckle when I saw Kendall jump in the mirror.

I cleaned up and settled into the driver's seat before Kendall could complain, firmly planting my hands on the steering wheel, gesturing for them to pile in.

That marked the beginning of the terrible, hope riddled trip we were about to take... Sometimes I wish I'd walked away, told them to figure it out for themselves and just keep walking until I blinked out of existence. But there wouldn't have been much fun in that...