Status: Updates every Wednesday throughout the month of December.

Love Is a Selfish Thing.

August 5th

[TRIGGER WARNING]
February 26th,
As promised earlier I’ll tell you more about a quiet guy who I’s like to call my best friend, his name is Tony.
Tony and I met a long time ago at a local sports field, not too far away from our old house. We instantly clicked, we were always attached to each other’s hip. He’s actually the first ever person who I’ve told I was gay, he was the first one who also found out about the self-harm. He took it well, both cases.
When I told him I was gay, we were about fourteen years old. We were sitting in his backyard, staring at the stars. It was a chilly kind of night so we both had on hoodies while we sat close next to each other. I was planning on telling him for a few days now but I didn’t know how… Suddenly, Tony let out a softy giggle which made me look at him, confused. “So Vic,” he started, “when were you going to tell me you were gay?”. My mouth dropped, I just came out to my best friend by just thinking out loud? Way to go, Fuentes!
And then there was the case of self-harm. Luckily for me, I didn’t spill that one out. I came out when I was fourteen, expecting modern day people to be accepting of it and well, they weren’t. About six months later, it all started: I was constantly bullied at school and stress was build up tower high in my body, my muscles didn’t relax anymore, they were being tensed up. It was then when it happened, it was an accident. I was helping my mom in the kitchen when I accidently cut into my finger with a knife. It gave me a weird sensation, not a hurted kind of one, no, it gave me a kind of adrenaline rush. It made me feel…. Alive. So, later that night I tried it again, this time on purpose. Soon, my left thigh was covered in cuts and God, did it just feel so good!


"What are you reading?” A voice asked from behind Kellin, which made him slam the book shut quickly. Behind him was a ginger boy who he recognized from the day he had the schooltour. “Oh, nothing really… I’m Kellin” He said, hoping that the young male wouldn’t question him further and to his luck, it seemed to work! “I’m Alan” the other one said, making Kellin smile widely. “So, what is the point actually of this?” Alan asked Kellin randomly while sitting down in front of him. “Of what?” Kellin asked, Alan chuckled. “Of this whole, ‘meet your roommate’-day, I mean: it’s kind of ridiculous… How many people would actually sleep in their room?” He questioned loudly while looking into space, making Kellin knit his eyebrows together.

“What do you mean by that?” Kellin asked and suddenly, Alan’s cheeks turned as red as his hair. “Uh, nothing in particular” the ginger one quickly mumbled while he tried to hide his face from the dark haired boy in front of him, who suddenly got his full attention on him. “I mean, why wouldn’t you sleep at your room? College is exhausting so you need your sleep” Kellin spoke, making Alan shift uncomfortable in his chair. “It’s not like that, I meant something different…. Actually, just let it slide” he said while he stood up and walked away, making Kellin wonder if he had been rude or so.

Not much later there was a signal which meant it was time to meet their roommate. In the letter Kellin had gotten only stood his room number, not even a name. It was all he had, so with a weird feeling in his stomach, Kellin walked up the staircase to room 718. It was on the fucking seventh floor, and there weren’t elevators. Just his luck and even better: Kellin was as sportive as a towel so when he finally got upstairs, he sat down on the top stair, catching his breath. “Are you ok, man?” A voice asked in front of him. Not to seem like a complete loser, Kellin just nodded and motioned for the person to move on but the person didn’t move.

Kellin looked up quickly, only to be met by a familiar face he couldn’t name right now. “Are you sure you’re okay? The last thing we need right now is someone dying on the staircase“ the guy said, making Kellin chuckle softly. “No, I’m ok. I’m just not the most athletic person” He laughed softly while he stood up. The two of them continued walking down the hall before the guy stopped at room 710. “Well, I hope you don’t die and if you do, send someone here to tell me” the guy joked while he pointed at the door. ‘Austin and Shayley' the door said, making Kellin remember that this was Austin, the guy who led him around school earlier. Kellin laughed and nodded, “will do, thanks!” he said while walking down to his own room.

Austin’s room was only five rooms down from his own so the walk there didn’t take very long but since the hallway was so crowded, it actually took longer than he had hoped. The sixth and seventh floor were for the music department, boys and girl roomed here and some even tried to convince teachers to let them sleep together. Of course they wouldn’t let them! Kellin always found it weird that boys and girls weren’t allowed to sleep together. Maybe it was because he was homosexual because in his case, it was ‘more dangerous’ to put him in the same room with a guy then with a girl. It made him chuckle soflty.

Kellin was quite good looking, as he heard from other people loads of times. At highschool, there still were girls who tried with him although he had come out of the closet a long time before. It made Kellin wonder if it would still be the same here, or that girls would like him as their ‘gay best friend’, a term which made his bones cringe. It also soon hit Kellin that maybe coming out of the closet to his roommate wouldn’t be that smart… But he also wouldn’t like to lie for three years about his sexuality, something he was most definitely not ashamed of! It probably wasn’t the smartest move ever to open the door of room 718 without reading the nametag on the door but Kellin did it anyway. His roommate was already in the room but Kellin couldn’t see his face. “Uh, hey?” Kellin mumbled and soon was met by a very, very familiar face.
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Mates, I was so not in the mood to write (but I'm following my update schedule) so sorry if this chapter sucks!

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XOXO