Love Is a Selfish Thing.

Kellin couldn’t believe his eyes. Was this true? Or was his minds just playing a nasty trick on him. Would he look weird if he went back to the door, checked the name to be sure and then came back to introduce himself to the other person, who in fact hadn’t noticed him yet. The person was actually bussy unpacking. Kellin felt bad, because if he was unpacking right now, he would be alone here for several more days until everyone got in for school. Or were there people, just like him, who had to stay here aswell from now on.

Kellin didn’t know what to do, should he leave? Should he try and get the boy’s attention? He didn’t know what to do actually. This was a really awkward situation and honestly, he doesn’t deal well with awkward situations. As if his feet had a mind of their own, Kellin walked back out of the room, but of course he had to be a cluts and fell over his own feet. The boy abruptly stopped unpacking his stuff and turned around, examining Kellin’s face. Kellin’s breath nearly stocked in his throat, he looked exactly like Kellin remembered him. It all felt like a déjà-vu.

The black haired boy couldn’t force any words to slip out of his mouth, he was at a total loss for words. Meanwhile, the boy in front of him took a close look at his face before letting his mouth fall open. “Kellin?” He asked just above a whisper before he slowly walked over to him. Kellin nodded softly while he pulled himself together. “Uh, hey…. Justin” Kellin mumbled softly, facing his ex-boyfriend awkwardly. He didn’t see this one coming but God, was it awkward! Justin stared directly into Kellin’s eyes while he softly placed his hand on Kellin’s cheek. “I’ve missed you” the brown haired boy whispered, a soft smile appeared around his lips.

Sadly, Kellin could only confirm these words. He also had missed Justin… They didn’t had a terrible break-up, Justin just had to move to Florida for some reason. The brown haired boy wasn’t a strong believer of long-distance relationships and even though Kellin was his first boyfriend, and even his first love, he gave it all up. It left both of them hurt but no hard feelings because he didn’t exactly wanted to break up. But in reality, Kellin was still hurt. Justin threw their 15 months relationship away just because he wasn’t a believer of long distance relationships.

Both boys knew that their dormroom wasn’t probably the best place to catch up with eachother, it would make things awkward later. So, the boys decided to make a small trip to the centre of San Diego and find a nice place where they could talk, in peace, to catch up a bit. “So,” Justin spoke up while the boys walked down the path, leading them to the main road, “how has your life been?”. Kellin shrugged. “Normal, I guess?” I came out like he questioned it himself. Justin nodded. “I never really got over you” Kellin silently admitted to his ex-boyfriend who swallowed audibly. “Did you?” Kellin asked, Justin shrugged.

It made Kellin’s heart drop. Justin did get over him, and maybe he’s now in a new relationship. He probably forgot all about Kellin until now. “It never worked out though,” Justin said while looking at Kellin, “I did try a few new relationships but they never felt right” Justin mumbled, making Kellin nod understandingly. “And you, have you tried again?” Justin asked, ‘Vic’ automatically popped up in Kellin’s mind. But where was Vic? Kellin did maybe have a crush on him…. Kellin decided to shook his head as answer. Justin frowned but that soon changed when he spotted something, in the distance. “Hey Kellin, do you still like music as much as you used to?” Justin asked and before he could answer, Justin pulled him somewhere.

Justin pushed open the door and both of the boys were met in their Walhalla. Instruments, CD’s, equipment and so on was stored as far as their eyes could see. Yes, this was definitely heaven for both of them! Kellin immediately let his fingers rake against the backs of the CD’s while he read the titles and the bands on them. He was happily surprised to see even some of his favourite musicians between here, too. “Can I help you?” a familiar voice asked from behind them. “Oh, no, we’re just looking around” Justin mumbled while he took a guitar in his hands.

“Okay, if you need anything, let me know” the voice spoke again. This time, Kellin turned around, only to have his suspicions formed. It was Mike! “Oh, hey there Kellin!” Mike smiled brightly before walking away. Justin scoffed. “I thought you never had nobody else?” He muttered, making Kellin roll his eyes. Justin was always known as the jealous type. “He’s just an acquaintance, I’m going home!” Kellin mumbled before storming out the door. And luckily for him, there was a busstop right on the corner of the streets where he sat down and waited for the bus to arrive.

March 9th,
It’s almost so far, Seattle. I’m so fucking nervous, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Jaime’s going to give me a list of things I need to bring. He seems to have the whole trip planned out already, and that’s making me even more nervous.
There wouldn’t be any impulsive actions, maybe after we’ve done Jaime’s day planning but I much rather prefer being impulsive. I would love to just take a car, pull in our stuff and not even drive to Seatlle but go wherever the car takes us, even if it still is in California! Yeah, I prefer those… Maybe we could do that this summer! It would be nice to spent some time between the two of us.
Jaime has been checking me on cuts on every part of my body. He tries to keep me happy and threw away all of my blades. Or well, he thought so. I still have one hidden but I’m not using it. I…. I am going to try to get better. For my parents, for my brother, for Tony, for Jaime, for everyone!
Maybe, just maybe I need to try and be positive and not let anyone’s words affect me anymore but how do I do that when they do hurt me?