Love Is a Selfish Thing.

Kellin’s mind had been clouded by one word. Actually, it was a name which included three letters. Three simple letters which led to the name Vic. Kellin was obsessed with the name. He was obsessed with the person but after recent findings, things were getting more and more confusing. Who the fuck was Vic even and why the hell was Kellin so obsessed with him? It was eating him alive, not knowing exactly WHO Vic was... All Kellin asked for was a bit more clarity.

It was all what had kept Kellin busy the last few days: who was Vic Fuentes? Kellin had went over everything he had read multiple times, taking notes, looking around the house in the hope to find more pictures, … Hell, he had even though about going to Mike and ask him! Kellin felt so desperate in the need to find Vic. Why did he care so much about a person he had never met before? That didn’t make any sense, or did it?

The whole room was a mess, since Kellin thought this room had belonged to Vic he hoped that there was something more in here. Somewhere. The sheets were thrown across the room and everything that he could pull away from a wall wasn’t in its original place anymore. Kellin was growing desperate. For two days straight, he had been searching the room in every possible space he could come up with where you could hide something but no, there was nothing to be found.

Anger was boiling inside of Kellin. Why was he obsessed with Vic? Why did he feel the need to find him? And what was he even looking for? It all got too much and before realizing it well, Kellin had kicked his dresser. The black haired boy cursed himself for his stupid action and sat down on the bed, trying to calm himself. Kellin was feeling like giving up, he shouldn’t be even focussing on Vic. Kellin should be focussing on getting as much time with his family as possible before the semester starts!

He should be like other people his age: enjoy life, go to parties, maybe even fuck up at college because of partying that much but he surely shouldn’t be getting a crush or something in that way on someone who he doesn’t know. Even if he finds Vic, how will he ever explain it to him how he found him in the first place? Every sentence Kellin could think of made him seem like a weirdo. Maybe even a stalker.

Kellin sighed while looking around the room. It was such a mess. Why did he even think this was a good idea to do? Now he had to clean up, which he hated! Slowly, he shuffles of off the bed to push that back against the wall and make it again. It went on like that until there was the final piece: the dressed. Kellin didn’t know how he got it away from the wall because it was heavy as fuck but he did and pushing it back wasn’t easy.

When the dresser was finally back in place, Kellin stared at it. Actually, he had never opened it… Curiosity got the best of him while he opened one of the bottom drawers. It was empty but the next one wasn’t. Three Atoma-notebooks were laying on the bottom of the drawer. Kellin picked it up and opened it. He couldn’t believe his eyes, this were lyrics. So many lyrics, each notebook had different ones which all held so much emotion.

This was what Kellin had been looking for and he couldn’t believe his eyes. As he read the pages full of lyrics, Kellin could only imagine how beautiful these would sound when they were sung. His mind also went to the part why Vic hadn’t taken these with him when he moved out of the house? You can’t leave such emotions behind like an old, worn out T-shirt. It was a side-note Kellin made in his head while his eyes scanned all of the lyrics, and there it suddenly was. The song Vic had written in his diary.

Current Convulsive
(So long!)
Congratulations, break a leg tonight
What a shame I heard the understudy died under the knife
Crying backwards under bedroom lights
(The operation)
I don't think you'll ever want to love me
You'd better listen to your doctor, doctor
Sober up and bury the empty cup
In a backyard of Seattle we used to lie
When I sew you up, don't let me...
Stop bleeding
Tiny stitches that you placed into my skin
Won't let me go (Oh no, oh no)
And they're ruining the mood
So I'll toast every beat of my heart like a miracle
And I don't think you'll ever want to love me
You'd better listen to your doctor
Doctors lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
If the dollar is right
Oh, my sweet little girl
Hold your mouth and you'll be all right
(Gather round, gather round!)
Ladies and gentlemen
Come from far come from wide
The moment you've all been waiting for
Tonight, join us as we explore the spine-chilling mystery of death
And the miracle of resurrection!
Please understand me when I'd rather see you dead
Than live without me, so thirsty for more
Beyond the sea blue light
I met the love of my life
She'd rather see me dead than face me
I like your starry eyes
They yell, "Surprise, surprise!"
I'm in love, but not for long
(Our operation)
Call off the operation
(Our operation)
Call off, off, off...
Another wave has turned its back on me
Crashed back on the eyes of the first I see
(If your delicate eyes don't blink someday)
Can't count on anything
(They might as well be gone)
For you I'd count the salt under the sea