Love Is a Selfish Thing.

The door swung open unexpectedly. Kellin quickly hid the diary beneath his pillow. It was his sister, Kailey. “We’re getting pizza, which one do you want?” She asked him. Kellin thought about it for a bit. He wasn’t really in the mood to eat anything. He sighed softly before replying “Just pick something”. Kailey nodded and closed the door behind her.

Kellin took the diary back out from under his pillow. Why was he so intrigued by this little, black book? Was it really that relevant? He didn’t even know this Vic so why would he be bothered to invade his personal space by reading his diary? The answer was something Kellin didn’t know. There was something fascinating about how the boy’s name sounded, how his small handwriting filled the once blank pages with his story what fascinated Kellin. He was fascinated by who this boy was and how he would react to Kellin knowing about his diary. Kellin opened the black book again and turned to the next entry.

January 10th,
School started again, yay for the bullies who like to punch me in my stomach and push me into lockers. They really get their pleasure out of hurting me, that’s kind of sadistic….
Yesterday they even found it ‘funny’ that they punched my nose and mouth such many times that it began to bleed. Reminds me that I still have to wash out that T-shirt before my mom finds it…
Anyway, today is Saturday and in half an hour Jaime is picking me up for our first real date since we’ve got together. We only got together officially five days ago, on New Year. It was cliché, and cheesy, but I loved it.
Of course I’ve known Jaime for years and of course we’ve hung out together plenty of times but this is different because now it was called ‘a date’.
I’m kind of nervous, I’ve never been on a date before. What can I expect from it? Uh, I shouldn’t be this nervous…. Should I?
I don’t even know where we’re going but knowing Jaime it’ll be fun. I’m actually looking forward to go on the date, it’ll get my mind off of this stupid situation that happened yesterday.
Okay, Jaime is here to pick me up…. I’ll write later! Wish me luck?

When Kellin was done reading the second entry, his mom called him downstairs for dinner. Dinner was nothing fancy, just a pizza because they just got here when all the stores were closed. Carefully, he closed the book again and placed it in the top drawer of his nightstand next to his phone charger. He jumped off of the bed and walked down the stairs. When he got downstairs, Kellin grabbed a slice of the pizza and sat down on the couch while he stared emotionlessly at the television where some re-run episode some show was playing. His sister commented about how many times she had seen this episode already while his dad was still convinced he never saw it before.

Kellin didn’t care, he wasn’t really a fan of watching television. No, Kellin preferred to hang out with his friends, practice with his band –called: Sleeping with Sirens- or to write songs. Kellin didn’t find himself talented enough to become a songwriter, he just needed the songs to let out his feelings. It calmed him down a lot to write those. It helped him being himself…. A seventeen year old openly gay boy from Michigan. Yes, Kellin was gay and in the town he lived in it was respected, no one ever harmed him for being openly gay. Or it was the fact that he never had a boyfriend before or made a move on a straight guy.

It was a totally different world than what he’s been reading in Vic’s diary. Vic could be the strongest person he’s ever met but those bullies seemed to bring him down, badly. Kellin was questioning if there was anyone at his school who ever bullied him for being gay, the answer was ‘no’. It made Kellin feel really bad for Vic. Why couldn’t everyone accept the fact that there were gay people out there? Most of them didn’t even hurt a fly, why would you bully them instead!? With all these thoughts running through his head Kellin suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

“Kellin, are you okay?” His mother suddenly asked, waking him from his daze. He quickly nodded. “Yeah, I’m just not hungry anymore”, he explained and threw the half eaten piece of pizza back into the box. His mother looked back at him, worriedly. “Are you getting sick?” She asked concerned. Kellin shook his head. “I’m just tired, mom, I’m going back upstairs” he said and quickly kissed her cheek. She nodded understandingly while Kellin turned around and walked back upstairs. When Kellin got upstairs, he quickly changed into his pyjamas which existed out of his boxer and a T-shirt. He shut off the light and jumped into his bed, getting the book out of the drawer of his nightstand.

January 11th,
I just got back from my date with Jaime and it was amazing! I mean: he’s too perfect to be a real human being, if you know what I mean?
Anyway! He picked me up and drove off, I didn’t know where to because San Diego is kind of big.
He took me to the beach, I love the beach even though it is winter. It isn’t that cold here in the winter but the wind just blows but that makes me calm.
We sat there, watching the waves and the sun set. It was beautiful.
Jaime is too perfect for this world, even though we just sat at the beach because Jaime was too broken to take me on a real date –as he said it-, it was perfect. I really felt loved at that moment.
We held hands, the entire time. We sat there alone, no-one could judge us for being homosexual. Today we could hug and talk like friends but at the same time we could kiss and touch each other like true lovers.
My parents don’t know about us, neither do Jaime’s parents know. At the moment I’m perfectly fine with not being judges by anyone but soon, the whole school will find out somehow and I’m holding my breath for that day because it will sure feel like Hell has moved onto Earth.