Love Is a Selfish Thing.

A soft knocking sound filled the room. “Kellin, are you awake!?” A voice woke him up. He clearly fell asleep last night reading because the diary was open on an entry of mid-January, January 23th to be exact. “Yeah”, his voice sounded weird because he just woke up. “Go shower and come downstairs, we’ll go to the university today!” She yelled, turned around and walked downstairs he guessed. Kellin stretched his legs and rolled out of bed. He grabbed clean clothes, a towel and other shower stuff.

He crossed the hallway and went into the bathroom. Kellin unclothed himself, not that it was much to take off: just his boxers and a T-shirt. He got in the shower and turned on the water. The cold water made him wake up. “Fuck,” Kellin muttered under his breath as he jumped away from the cold water stream and turned the knob to hot. Once the water had the right temperature for Kellin’s skin, he jumped back under the water streams. He washed his hair and his body with some random soap his mom put there, it smelled good so there was no problem in that.

After that, Kellin closed the water tap and got out to the shower. He dried his body and his hair, but a towel wasn’t enough for that. Kellin found it uncomfortable to be naked in a foreign bathroom so he quickly put on his boxers before he pulled out the hair drier he brought and plugged it in. He dried and straightened his hair, pulled on the clothes he had brought to the bathroom which were black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt, on top of that he putted a black hoodie. Barefoot, he walked back into his room.

Since his mother was yelling downstairs that he should hurry up, he shoved his feet into a pair of TOMS and picked up the diary, who would want to know what he was reading? It wasn’t unusual for him to be reading so no one would notice! Usually, Kellin would carry three books in his backpack: one he was reading, one for after he finished the first one and his lyrics book which was a hard-cover notebook. The fourth book wouldn’t be that obvious, he thought. He pushed the notebook in his backpack and ran downstairs before his mother would drag him downstairs.

Once he got downstairs, his mother was already waiting by the door. She seemed really stressed. “Get in the car, Kellin, we’re already late!” She pushed him out the door towards the car. Kellin sighed, she shouldn’t be that stressed… The university wasn’t that far away and they hadn’t have to be there until 11, right now it was only 9. Why didn’t she let him sleep for another hour!? Oh right, because they were going to be late if he slept a bit later…. Kellin neglected his own thoughts and quickly grabbed the notebook.

January 23th,
So, it’s been a few days since I’ve wrote again but I was kind of busy. I lost my lyrics book and Jaime found out about the scars on my arms, stomach and thighs. Let’s discus both topics separately:
First topic: let’s put it this way, my lyrics book means more to me than my own life, maybe even more than Jaime. I don’t know where it went, one second I had it, the next it was gone…. It probably went on warp speed into another part of the galaxy but still, I can’t stand it! So this will probably function now as lyric book until I get mine back!
Second topic: Jaime found out about my scars. How? Well... Let’s just say that we were sitting on his bed, talking and the next moment I was lying underneath him and before I knew, he pulled my hoodie off.
He saw them, all of them. Did I try to hide them? Yes! Did he let me? No!
He interrogated me about them. What they were, how I got them, why I did it to myself… I ran away. I’m a fucking coward, I know.
I am a coward, I am a liar and I am so fucking tired….
--
Another wave has turned its back on me
Crashed back on the eyes of the first I see
(If your delicate eyes don’t blink someday)
Can’t count on anything
(They might as well be gone)
For you I’d count the salt under the sea.

Kellin smiled happily to himself, this was what he’s been waiting for and now, he finally got it: Vic’s lyrics! It was something he was looking forward to in some kind of way since he enjoyed writing lyrics himself quite much. Vic’s fascination in this one for water seemed to go deep in this one. The poetic way he was putting the water and his trust in this made Kellin grin to himself inwardly. This man, Vic, seemed to use his words in the most perfect way possible. He also seemed quite intelligent. Maybe he studied at college right now? Maybe even the same he was going to go to!

It was a random thought he never thought about earlier but it made him happy. What if he walked into Vic at school? It would be awkward as hell as first, no way it wasn’t going to be awkward! But Kellin was pretty sure they would get along well. If his situation still was the same, maybe he could help him… “What are you thinking about?” Kailey asked him, Kellin looked up surprised. “Uh,” he began, “nothing specifically, just a lot of random thoughts which crashed into my mind all at once.” He answered vaguely, he knew that whenever he did that Kailey would roll her eyes and mind her own business again.

And she did! She sighed, rolled her eyes and faced back forward, making Kellin snicker a bit. “Kellin!” Their mother warned, “Be nice to your sister!” She said sternly, making Kellin roll his eyes sarcastically. Before he could start a discussion his father muttered that they were at the university and indeed, when Kellin looked out the window he was greeted by an enormous building. In front of it there stood a wooden sing: San Diego State University . He was here, finally! Today, he would get a tour around and he would pre-meet classmates and his dorm mate. Kellin was to be honest pretty excited. He smiled widely. “Let’s go!” He said exited and jumped out of the car.