Love Is a Selfish Thing.

To be honest, Kellin was kind of frightened by how big the university was. There was no way in Hell that he wouldn’t get lost! Luckily, they did a tour around the main block, one of the dorm blocks and some other blocks today so Kellin would be prepared a bit more. Today, he’s also meeting his dorm mate, which was something he was excited about. What kind of person would it be? Kellin surely hoped that he wasn’t a homophobic. Vic’s stories about homophobics here, in California, made him shiver. They seemed to have no mercy for any gay person and that was still a thought that scared Kellin.

So, here Kellin was right now: waiting in line to give up his name, get his name tag and be assigned to his group for today. A loud ‘next one’ shook him out of his thoughts. Behind the desk was a woman in her early to mid fourties. She had brunette hair which was put up into a knot. On her face there was a little dash of make-up and her fingernails were painted in a deep-red coulour. “Uh, Kellin Quinn Bostwick, music department” he spoke loud enough for her to hear. Her finger went down the list as she stopped by his name.

“Bostwick...” She mumbled to herself as she crossed his name off the list. She grabbed and extra sheet with stickers on it and pulled his name off it and handed it to him. “You’re in group four which is over there,” she pointed to a table with a big four above it, ”Austin and Tony will help you out. They’re also last years in the music department so they can help you with it. Have a nice day!” She said enthusiastically as she called for the next person. Kellin looked up kind of questionably. He shook his shoulders, stuck the sticker onto his hoodie and walked to group four.

By the group four table there were standing around a few hundred people who passed their entrance exams. Kellin was still freaked out by the fact that he was selected. He entered as musician, he had entered with a self-written song which he performed on piano. His knowledge of piano was okay but what really got him here was his singing. See, it was a deal of the school: you could study here as singer but you had to play at least one instrument. It was fair enough for Kellin. When he got his acceptance letter he was praised for his voice but it also noted that he would have to do better on the piano.

“Hello!” A cheerful voice awoke Kellin from his daze, in front of him was a tall, skinny, tattooed guy with a clipboard. His personality didn’t seem to go with the way he looked and dressed: the guy was wearing skinnies with Converse All-Stars, a Slipknot T-shirt with a hoodie on top of it, all of it was black. “I’m Austin and I’ll be your guide, kind of, for today.” He said with a big smile, making Kellin raise his eyebrow slightly. Was this kid on something? “I’m Kellin…” He mumbled cautiously, Austin nodded and took a look at his clipboard. “Quinn-Bostwick?” he asked, Kellin nodded. “Sweet! Follow me”, Austin motioned to follow him.

When they actually got to table four, the group seemed quite a lot smaller. There were only about twenty to thirty persons standing there. “So,” Austin spoke up, “we’re still waiting on a few other people so you can go and talk to others or just wait. I have stuff to do.” Austin smiled and walked away. So this left Kellin with either options, mingle with people –which he actually didn’t feel like- or sit down on the floor and read in the diary, again. He didn’t need to think twice as he slid down against the wall and took the diary out of his backpack.

January 27th,
Four days, four fucking days since I’ve talked to Jaime. It’s not fair to him, I know but I really can’t. I’m sure he’ll judge me, everyone would do that but no one knows.
I really want to talk to him, not just about the scars. He calms me and right now I’m anything but calm. I also want to explain him everything, so he’ll understand me but he’ll probably joke about it and dump me. He’ll think that I am a freak, which I probably am.
That’s why I can’t open up to anyone, no one would understand me, everyone would joke about it or call me a freak. I’m a fuck up!
Since that day I haven’t talked much to anyone, neither to Mike and he’s practically my best friend. The only thing I’ve done is write lyrics and cut. That’s not the most positive thing to do but I can’t help myself, since Jaime saw my cuts I feel like I total blew it with him.
There’s this weird voice in the back of my head which tells me that I need to do it, because I’m an idiot, a freak, a faggot, and so on. I agree with the voice, I’m pretty much worthless.

“What are you reading?” A voice asked from in front of Kellin, he quickly shut the book and looked up. “Nothing”, Kellin said a bit too quickly. The guy in front of him nodded. “I’m Tony,” he introduced himself, “I just came to tell you that we’re starting the tour.” Kellin nodded, put the book in his backpack and got off of the ground. He followed Tony, who pushed his way through the crowd of maximum thirty students. Kellin stood at the back, next to a ginger dude and a guy with a beard who actually seemed too old to still be in school. “This way, please follow!” A voice sounded from in front of the group.

After walking for a few minutes, the group stopped in a big hallway. “I am Austin, this quiet one over here is Tony!” Austin spoke loudly, “We’re your guides here for today but when school starts, you can always ask us for help” Austin spoke and pointes some things out. “So, what brings you here?” A voice asked from besides him, Kellin looked up at the bearded ‘dude’. “Uh… I got in because of my singing” He mumbled quietly, suddenly very afraid to be judged of. The dude nodded. “Same, I’m Jeremy!” He held out his hand, Kellin smiled and shook it. “Kellin!” He smiled, in front of the group Austin yelled that they would continue their tour.