Late Goodbye

Don’t do anything stupid... His words echoed throughout my mind as I was hanging outside some liquor shop, eagerly waiting for Athena. You know what? I was a stubborn peach and if someone forbid me of doing something, I would goddamn go and do it! Then why wasn’t I doing anything? The liquor shop was beside me and the only thing I kept doing was biting my knuckle.

„Hey baby doll,” Thank god, now we can get going. Athena turned to hug me. It’s been too long since I’d seen her. She stepped back and raised her sunglasses, „You’re thin... Have you been eating?”

„Nice to see you too,” I smiled, putting my hands inside the pockets of my jeans. This was the first time in a long time when I was actually spending my time with someone else than the boys of Avenged. Don’t get me wrong, I liked every each and one of them, although it was kind of hard to admit it, but I was just puking rainbows over the option of meeting someone other than Sonic the Hedgehog or mister Black Ops.

„Sorry,” She raised a cardboard cup to her lips. So the reason for her lateness was... Starbucks? Yeah, figures. „It’s just... I can see somethings wrong, so spill it.”

„Something wrong?” I brushed my fingers through my hair. That was a funny thought. ‘Something’ was not the right word to use, I’d just throw the decency away and say – every fucking thing was wrong. „I guess you haven’t seen me in a while, huh? This is my good look.”

„Wait, wait, wait...” Athena stopped hot in her tracks with a stunned look on her face, „Please say this is the way you’re telling about a bad hair week.” My lips curved in a poor smile, „Baby doll, you know you can talk to me.”

„What can I say... It’s been hard... since Jamie.” I took a deep breath. Hard? Yeah, no... It’s been goddamn easy... to kill my liver with my amuse booze’s on daily basis.

„It’s been hard on us all, baby, it specially on your mom, but even she’s coping. A certain time has passed...”

„Mom kicked me out a month after the accident,” Athena was already going for the ‘holy shit’ face, but I just continued, not many knew what really went on under the hood „As soon as I was admitted to be under the influence of alcohol, she crossed me out of her life. Well... I’ve been partying since then. Big time.” What can I say, the booze made me feel welcomed, it never turned me down and the buzz wrapped me in a warm sort of blanket, letting me forget.

„Jill, please don’t make the same mistakes I did. Booze is really not the answer.”

„No, no... I’m going through some sort of a rehab. One of the musicians I produce decided I was a real hot mess and he was willing to help. This time, when I’m with you is a first when I’m on a free leash in two weeks.” And the feeling is good, not the type of good when you finally get rid of a headache, but the type of good when you finally take off your high-heel shoes after a long ass night in a club, where you had sprained your ankle. That’s how good I felt. But I knew, I had to get back to my master soon enough.

„But other than that everything’s fine? I mean physically?” We passed a couple of shops. Some girls were browsing through the dressers, as far as I could tell. I could’ve never understood this ‘shopacholy’, I couldn’t stand being in a store for longer than twenty minutes. How they managed to spent their whole day in there was just beyond me.

„Everything other than my arm.” I turned my head back to her, to see sympathy in her eyes.

„Oh, baby-doll,” She pulled me into a hug. „I know it sucks balls right now, but it will get better. I promise.” Get better? It’s been three years since Jamie passed, it didn’t feel like it was going to get better... ever. I missed her like hell, and now when I was sober, it hurt. A lot.

„So how you’ve been?” I decided to switch the subject. Athena brushed her fingers through her blond locks.

„Well... I’ve been happily divorcing Jame’s ass, went through rehab, started playing drums again and basically all’s been good.”

„How’s mom doing?” I couldn’t bare, but ask. I couldn’t believe she held such hatred towards me. As far as I remembered, she still held my birth certificate. I was her daughter for crying out loud! She would’ve wanted for us both to be dead? But of course if it wasn’t for me, Jamie would still be alive.

„Good... Good. She’s opening this restaurant in LA, and that’s actually why I’m here.” I frowned. What? „Your mom wanted to know if you could come for the opening. I guess she wants to start everything from the beginning.” What? Athena came to Huntington Beach on my mother’s behalf, because she was too big of a coward to call me and ask me herself? Way to go mom! I really needed to take up writing and write a book of fucking goddamn worst parenting ever, taking life examples from my mommy dearest.

„That sounds like bullshit to me, Athena.” We were strolling down the Main street. The palm trees made me believe I didn’t even belong in here. It told about warm weather and seeing me in my leather outfit kind of ruined all the balance of those surfer guys driving past us wearing nothing, but some swimming trunks. I searched for Athena’s deep blues to see them following the dark blue pickup truck, kind of getting annoyed by the screaming, nearly topless girls in the backside of it. She just shook it of.

„Pam just told me to... I quote,” she made this air quote with her fingers, before continuing, „Make sure she’s sober and inform her about the opening. I really don’t know man... The shit that’s happening with you both just blows my mind,” She went on a little rampage there, James Kottak style, nearly starting to pull on her own, already too messy, hair. She went for the trash bin, kicking it rather fiercely. „You would think after loosing one daughter she would want to hold on to the other, but fuck no... That’s just shit Pam does.”

„Well... That’s what happens when the almighty James and Athena Kottak raises me.” It was no secret my mother didn’t fancy the lifestyle I led back in the day. When I was in my teen years, she forbid me to meet Athena and James just for my own safety. Already back then I was kind of rebellious, but I didn’t understand then - what fucking safety? And I don’t even now. If I had seen more of the rockstar life, I possibly, maybe, in a different scenario, would’ve made things take a different road. Doubtfully, but there was a chance.

„It was just one tour,” She chilled out, showing me her innocent smile, „you’re talking like I’ve been changing your diapers. Heck I had plenty of Tobi’s shit for that.” Her phone rang somewhere inside her purse. I just sighed, knowing this is her que. It took just a single phone call to make me feel kind of miserable all over. I turned my head to look at the twilight taking over the horizon. „Sorry princess, I have to go,” My head turned back with a weak smile on my lips, „Jill, for fuck sake, don’t give me that face... I know this was short, but you can come to see me whenever you want,” She hugged me. „Just... Don’t get in trouble, kiddo.”

„Bye, Athena.” It was hard to swallow the bitterness. And with that she turned and walked away, the keys of her Blackberry clicking in a very fast pace. I loved my aunt, but she was almost as inconstant as weather in London. One minute she was by your side, the next she was sipping on some mojito in Bahamas... Sorry, scratch that, a virgin mojito.

So, where to, Jill? Some booze hunting perhaps? Note the sarcasm.

I was waiting for the traffic lights to turn green so I could cross the road when an awfully reedy notes disturbed my piece, coming from my pocket. I knew it! That asshole had set one of his solo’s as my ringtone. I sighed in disappointment. My fingers touched the vibrating piece and took it out of my pocket. Brian’s silly face came on the screen of my smartphone. Did I want to talk to him?

„You know I hate that solo,” I slid my finger across the screen, before answering, no, rather than retorting.

„When you’ll hear the song, you’ll love it.” I heard a lot of laughter at the other end of the conversation, they faded away and I knew he had distanced himself from his pack. „How’s your ‘catch-up’ going?” I knew he was smirking judging just by the tone of his voice.

„I’m drunk off my ass...” The answer came out rather slurry. If he wanted to play with me, let the games begin. We’ll see how long he’ll last.

„Where are you? I’m picking you up.” Did he sound angry? Oh boy, this truly was fun.

„I... I... fuck I don’t know.” I kicked a small pebble as I walked across the road. „I’m fucking lost, I can tell you that.”

„Describe me the place,” He said through bitten teeth and I heard someone yelling in the background some ‘what’s up man’ and ‘where the fuck are you going’, but he didn’t answer. After a couple of seconds the voices faded out completely.

My feet carried me over a small green area, before I stopped on the pavement, truly looking around. „I see some palm trees...” I grinned and carried on. Thanks to my traveling thoughts, a velo-driver nearly killed me

„Get your head out your ass!” Surprisingly it was not me who was shouting so all civilians of Huntington could hear. I just raised my hand in the air, thanking the guy for the helpful advice. I’ll keep it in mind.

„What was that?” Oh, was he still there? As I went forward, I got to the light, warm layer of sand. Thank god, I was wearing boots.

„Some moron,” My eyes looked over the pier, which was what it seemed a couple hundred feet away from me. All the lanterns were already lit, creating the perfect little romantic spot. I stopped and looked around, nearly holding my breath, not willing to ruin this beauty. The sky was getting darker by each minute, giving the perfect opportunity for some teenagers to go on a heavy drinking rampage. I knew I used to come here when I was sixteen. Me and some friends would somehow get the booze, we would sneak out and just sit under the pier and talk the night away. Too bad most of them moved away from Huntington Beach once they hit majority. „Man it’s beautiful...” I had stopped a couple of feet from the ocean, just getting myself lost into the sound of waves hitting the shore.

„It really is...” A low voice somewhere beside spoke, the same one which echoed throughout the speaker of my phone.

„You found me.”