Damaged Goods

***Kellin's P.O.V.***

Everything was totally fine, I was fine, I was actually feeling good, until I woke up and went to the bathroom. I had a bad habit that Vic didn't quite know about. Every morning when I wake up I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I pinch my thighs, arms and stomach to see if I could pinch any fat and usually there would be nothing, I wouldn't be able to even grab at the skin, but today I was actually able to pinch some fat on my lower stomach. I almost had a panic attack, I saw this coming, but that still didn't stop me from almost going into hysterics. This was my worst fear come true.

-

I was quickly trying to make Vic breakfast before he could wake up and silently trying not to break down at the same time. After what happened earlier I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to talk to Vic about it because I'm supposed to be getting better. I didn't know where to go from here, I would usually go purge them starve myself for the rest of the day, but I knew Vic wouldn't let that happen. It was taking everything in me not to go purge immediately. I needed someone to talk to, I couldn't keep this in. I would talk to Alan about it, but he was at the apartment and he was probably too wrapped up in Austin to worry about my problems.

I jumped as Tony came in the door. He looked like he'd just woken up. His hair was all disheveled and he only had on pajama bottoms.

"What's up?" He said, making his way to the cupboard before pulling out a box of Frosted Flakes.

"N-Nothing much, just making Vic some breakfast." I answered, silently cursing myself for stuttering.

"If you have any extra you can totally pass it over here." He joked.

"I will when it's done." I giggled.

He came closer and squinted his eyes, looking into mine closely.

"Your eyes are red, you've been crying, what's wrong?" He asked softly.

"N-Nothing." I denied, quickly shaking my head.

"Yes, there's something wrong. You know you can tell me."

"There's nothing wrong, Tone. I'm fine." I answered, flashing a smile that I hoped was convincing.

His face twisted up into a skeptical expression which let me know that he wasn't buying a word I was saying.

"Okay, if you say so."

-

I was starving. I had no idea why, I used to be able to go days without eating and still be fine. But right now I actually felt like I was dying. I was so hungry and I couldn't afford to have food at that point, I'd already gained so much weight, but I really wanted it. Vic was upstairs talking to Mike and Tony which left me downstairs by myself in the kitchen. The hunger was literally killing me. It was a painful hunger, the kind that makes your stomach twist in knots and cry out loudly in pain. I just couldn't take it anymore.

-

***Vic's P.O.V***

I walked into the kitchen to find Kellin stuffing his face at an extremely fast pace.

"Kells, what are you doing?" I asked, stepping towards him.

He looked up at me before turning away to hide his face. He then opened the container of cupcakes I'd bought earlier this week and shoved one into his mouth. He then began clawing at a bag of potato chips before shoving them in his mouth as well, he barely gave himself time to swallow before shoving in another handful.

"Kellin, what are you doing?" I repeated, trying to put my hand on his shoulder.

He immediately jerked away and rushed to the fridge. He pulled out a carton of leftover noodles from our favorite Chinese restaurant, tore it open and began to stuff his mouth, using his fingers to shovel the cold noodles in. I had no idea what was going on. He was eating like a madman. I looked closer and I could tell that he was crying. It's like he was eating against his will or something.

"Babe, if you're hungry I can make you something." I offered.

I got nothing. It's as if he was in this mode and all he could do was eat everything in sight. He went back over to the pantry and opened a box of cereal before taking fistfuls and shoving that in his mouth as well. I was in shock. I just stood there and watched him stuff his face. I know I should have stopped him, but I couldn't really find my words anymore. After about 15 more minutes of him frantically eating, he just stopped. A sudden look of regret washed over his face, he walked over to the counter, grabbed a paper towel and wiped his mouth. He then began to clean up the mess he made. He threw the containers and wrappers in the trash and from what it looked like, he ate a ridiculous amount of food. He even picked up the chip and cupcake crumbs that fell to the floor when he was shoving them into his mouth.

He didn't say anything, he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and began to sip on it quietly.

"A-Are you okay?" I said quietly.

He nodded shakily, his eyes never leaving the floor.

-

***Kellin's P.O.V.***

As expected, I felt awful. Vic and I hadn't talked about what happened in the kitchen yet. We were packing for the trip to visit my mom and I just couldn't really think straight. I still had to go over to the apartment I shared with Alan and Austin to get some stuff. Even though I was barely over there anymore, there was still a shit ton of my stuff over there. My stomach felt as if it was about to burst open. I've never binged that much in my life. I felt like I was going to throw up but I was determined to keep it down.

"Kells, can you pass me my hoodie?" Vic asked, motioning to his hoodie that laid on the floor next to me.

I picked it up and shifted so I was able to hand it to him. I felt the food sloshing around in my stomach. Shit, it was all coming back up. I hopped up and started to run to the bathroom. I wasn't fast enough though, I ended up puking on the hallway floor. I thought I was done but I felt more come up so I ran to the bathroom and kneeled at the toilet and emptied my stomach. It wasn't until I was done that I realized I was crying. I began to frantically wipe at my tears before going to the sink and using mouthwash to rinse my mouth out. Fuck, I threw up on his carpet. How fucking embarrassing, he was probably pissed. I quickly grabbed a towel that I thought Vic wouldn't mind throwing away and some soap. I went back to the hallway to clean up my mess, but Vic was already doing it.

"Are you okay, love?" He asked once he realized I was there.

"Yeah. Let me get that. You shouldn't have clean up my mess." I said getting on my knees and starting to clean the rest up.

"No you need to go take a shower and get in bed. You might be sick." He said in a worried tone.

"I just ate too much babe. I'm fine."

-

After cleaning up, taking a shower and thoroughly brushing my teeth, Vic and I ended up in bed, both of us in just boxers.

"How do you feel?" Vic questioned.

"Better." I replied.

I laid on my back while Vic laid facing me while rubbing my stomach.

"Kells." He said quietly.

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"When we get back from visiting your mom, I think we're gonna set you up with a therapist." He said.

He'd caught on. He knew that the little episode I had earlier was a binging session.

"Vic." I said before pausing. "I think that sounds like a great idea."