Wake Me Up

I scream at the moon, aware of the startled action ripping my vocal cords to shreds. It stings the back of my throat, begging me to stop. You deserve this hurt. Yes I do, of course I do. I lie to everyone, but I can’t spin lies on myself. I wish I could, I don’t want to know this. I don’t want to be this. Hate fills me, clogging my veins, preventing me from any rational thought. I hate myself and I hate others for making me feel this way. I’m running now. I don’t know where, I just know that I need to get away, far away. I’m wearing all black, so even if someone were here they wouldn’t see me. I’m just a shadow in the night. I run into the street when I feel myself being forced to the ground. I know it should hurt, but it doesn’t. I’m too numb. As light consumes me in its unforgiving truth I think I’m dying. I hope for that, to end it all here and now. As the realization that death is not here to comfort me hits, I gasp for air, God to fill my lungs. I cry for him to save me, beg and plead, but I am only denied. Hope dissipates as my vision blurs. Someone is touching me, pleading with me to respond. But I can’t. I desperately want to say I’m okay, to run and never look back. Rain begins to pour. I can feel it on my skin, shadowing me in my endeavor to escape pain. I can feel someone pick me up and hold me while sitting in what feels like a back seat of a car. They’re stroking my arm, whispering sweet comforts, willing me to be okay. They release a strained phrase and someone obeys. Suddenly a flow of the most beautiful racket I’d ever been acquainted with fills the car.Does it even make a difference? When I’m sober I feel pain. As we run under the stars through cemetery backyards, we’ll celebrate the way the night hides scars. The screams of a guitar and loud, whispering lyrics calm me. My heart slows to a normal pace and my eyes flutter open. Someone sighs and then I hear the music begin to be turned off. I whimper. Please don’t turn it off!

”What? What’s wrong?” this time the voice sounds even more worried than before. I just whimper even more as the music gets even quieter. “Is it the music? Do you want it louder?” I simply nod my head, needing the voice. Separate me from my own two hands. I’ve killed so many times, but I can’t save the world from the creatures that don’t die. Kinda like the way you tell me, “Baby, please come home. I need you here right now, I’m crying underwater so you don’t hear a sound” Tears fill my eyes; I can feel the words of this masterpiece. But they don’t hurt, relief settles over me. It’s like this band, whoever they are, are forcing these tears out. They’re convincing me to get help, even from a complete stranger. Now that I’m crying again, it feels like my ears are extra sensitive. I cannot tell which is louder; the beating of my heart or the pounding of drums that lead me to serenity. Strong arms around me tighten.

”Don’t worry. We’ll take you to a hospital.” My eyes go wide. They can’t, I can’t. Everyone will find out. They’ll give me a disgusted look, one they should wear and regret ever listening to my whispered lies. They’ll know, this strange new boy will know. They’ll see the old scars and the ones that are now forming. They cover both of my arms like a cruel, unforgiving jacket. They scream at me, reminding me of horribleness, yet somehow always manage to call me back to them. I whip my head around ferociously.

”N-no, y-you can’t! I won’t go!” I nearly shout. I finally see the two sets of eyes that have been on me this whole time.

”What? Why?” the boy that holds me shout back. He wants to look angry, but there is only concern. I’m drawn to him, but I can’t trust him.

”I-I I can’t t-tell you. J-just don’t make me go! I-I lied, they’ll hate me! I can’t, please. I’m s-sorry!” I’m a stuttering mess by the time he cuts me off.

”Shh it’s okay. We won’t take you. No matter what, they won’t hate you. I don’t know what you did, but will you promise me something? Never lie to me?” I nod my aching head and close my eyes. I fall asleep to the sound of slower chorus that sends warm chills up my spine. First the first time in years, I feel happy. I push myself closer to the boy, and try to pretend I’m sleeping so he won’t think anything of it. I like this boy… No! At the top of our lungs, there’s no, no such thing as too young. When second chances won’t leave you alone, then there’s faith in love…