Surrender

At five AM, the early morning sun was pouring through my windows, the sheer curtains not even making an effort to protect my eyes. Somehow, it was enough to trick my body to think that it was a decent time for waking up, and no matter how much I tossed and turned and hid my face, my mind refused to shut down again. I was permanently, and very sadly, awake.

Grumbling to myself, I threw my blankets off and got to my feet, heading straight toward my dresser. I figured that if I was going to be up at such a ridiculous time, I might as well do something productive.

After slipping on a pair of leggings and a t-shirt and throwing my hair up into a tight ponytail, I tiptoed down the stairs, avoiding waking up my parents, deactivated the security system, and slipped out the door.

The air outside still had a bit of chill in it, which I appreciated, and the sun had almost completely risen. I started off jogging pretty slowly, just so my body could get used to the motion after a couple of weeks of not running at all. I thought it would be a lot harder to get back into the swing of things, but before long, my body fell into the familiar rhythm.

I was the kind of person who didn’t really like listening to music as I ran, just because it distracted me from being in touch with my own body, like knowing when enough was enough, and from the world around me. With nobody else awake at the early hour, the streets and beach were deserted, and I could more easily take in my surroundings without having a bunch of people in the way.

The beach was gorgeous, despite the litter that popped up here and there, probably left over from parties and bonfires thrown the night before. I wanted to try running on it, but I knew the shifting sand would pose more of a challenge than my body was really ready to face.

As I neared the end of the boardwalk, an elderly couple walked by, hand-in-hand. They were chatting about something, but when they made eye contact with me, I made sure to give them a small smile around the sweat starting to gather on my forehead, cheeks, and upper lip. The man gave me a nod in return, while the woman beamed kindly.

I continued forward and around, following wherever the streets took me. I could feel my muscles straining, but I welcomed the familiar sensation while paying attention to when it turned into too much.

Before long, I found myself passing the dance studio. For a second, it made my stomach constrict, but after a moment, I relaxed, remembering that there was no way Liam would be awake to ask me why, two days after he asked me for the second time, I still hadn’t called to set up another dance appointment. I hadn’t figured out what kind of excuse I could give, since nothing really sounded valid or reasonable or nice.

I let out a breath and shook my head a little bit as I went back onto the road that I knew would lead me back to the house. And then I heard my name.

I froze up all over as I turned to see Liam walking toward me. He looked really confused, but I was sure I must have looked the same way mixed with supreme embarrassment, since I had sweat nearly dripping off my face.

“Hi,” he greeted with a smile. “Why are you up so early?”

I coughed. “I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I went for a run,” I explained. My voice sounded breathier than usual, a sign that I was not at peak shape. “Why are you up so early?”

“Setting things up,” he replied. “My first lesson is at eight.”

I blinked, starting to panic that I’d been running so long. “Wait, what time is it?”

Liam pulled out his phone and said, “Uh, just past six.”

“You need two hours to set things up for a lesson?” I hoped my question wasn’t prodding, but I remembered how the only thing he’d needed for my lesson was the right CD. And while that had taken quite a long time to find, it hadn’t been two hours.

For a split second, almost so quickly that I missed it, he looked taken aback, like he hadn’t expected me to have the courage to ask that. I was about to apologize when he cut me off with a smile and said, “This is a little more complicated.”

I would have inquired more, but he had taken a step back, a clear marker that the conversation was about to end. “I have to get in there and get started, but it was nice seeing you.”

I smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, sure. Nice seeing you, too!” And then I watched as he entered the building and shut the door solidly behind him.

Setting back out on the road, my legs hurting a lot more after resting, even for just five minutes, I couldn’t help but feel relieved that Liam had been so distracted about his lesson at eight that he forgot to hound me about calling to set up my own appointment. I would take whatever blessings I could get, even if it meant slightly embarrassing myself by talking to him while my shirt stuck to my back with perspiration.

About ten minutes later, I was back at the vacation house, thankfully. My body was screaming for rest and water, both of which I was more than willing to give it after a refreshing shower.

By the time I reemerged, dressed in a pair of high-waisted jean shorts and a bright pink tank top, my dad was in the kitchen, clanging things around in the cabinets. I went in, making sure to say hello as I entered so I didn’t scare him.

“Good morning, baby,” he responded with a smile. He was in a good mood, which was a great sign. “Hungry? I was thinking about frying up some eggs.”

“Yes, please.” After grabbing a water bottle, I pulled myself up onto one of the stools surrounding the island in the center of the kitchen. “A couple of fried eggs and some toast sounds perfect right now.”

Dad laughed as he turned on the front burner of the stove. “Then I’m glad I picked up some groceries while I was in town yesterday.” With that, he popped a couple of pieces of wheat bread into the toaster to make sure it was done the same time as the eggs.

“Me, too,” I agreed, though it was a bittersweet addition. Although Mom and I had a good time exploring the whole resort the day before, Dad had refused to join, instead making up the excuse of buying food at the grocery store he’d seen the first time he ventured out into the town nearby. At least it was proving to be fairly useful.

“What are you doing up so early? I don’t even remember the last time I saw you up before ten.”

“The sunlight in my room is cruel,” I told him frankly, which made him laugh again. “So I went for a run.”

“Running here is awesome, isn’t it?” Dad turned and grinned at me, and I felt a wave of nostalgia wash over me. Running was something that Dad and I always had in common. My mother had always been a firm believer that fast walking and weight training were more useful and effective, but Dad and I were just runners. When I was younger, he’d taken me to get new running shoes every year, just to make sure I stayed motivated and excited. It had always worked.

“It is,” I agreed. “Especially early in the morning. But I’m not sure if it’s great enough to get up at five every day.”

I expected him to reply, but he never did. Instead, he concentrated on flipping over the eggs, pumping his fist in celebration of a small victory when the yolks didn’t break, and getting everything on a plate to give to me.

“Here you go.” He gave me a smile as he placed the plate in front of me. “Butter for the toast?”

I cut off a piece of the egg and shoved it into my mouth as I nodded. Dad sometimes forgot that other people liked stuff on their toast, since he liked his dry, something I could never dream of stomaching. Soon, the glass holder was sliding over to me, hitting against the plate. He laughed, letting me know that the collision had been his intention.

“You’re weird,” I told him as he cracked another couple of eggs into the skillet.

“It’s part of my charm.” The eggs sizzled for a minute before he flipped them, saying, “Could you wake up your mother and ask her if she wants eggs, please?”

I stopped mid-bite, a piece of yolk-covered egg on a piece of toast hovering just centimeters in front of my lips. “Um, sure.” I put the food back on the plate, ready to get up, before Dad looked over at me.

“You know what? I’ll get her. You keep eating.”

Part of me wanted to argue that it would be no problem to get her, but the rest of me wanted to gorge myself on my breakfast. Before I could decide between the two, my father was already out of the kitchen and heading toward the stairs, so I was off the hook.

I was almost completely done with my breakfast when Mom finally came down the stairs, looking a little irritated. I averted my eyes and kept eating, hoping that whatever small argument they had upstairs wouldn’t continue in the kitchen and ruin Dad’s good mood.

And, much to my appreciation, the only thing that came out of my mother’s mouth as she sat down on the seat next to mine was, “God, it’s too early for this,” which my father ignored before putting a plate of eggs and toast in front of her.

By the time my father had settled down in the seat across from me, I was done, but I waited until they finished. The tension made things a little awkward, but my mother broke it when she asked me why I’d gotten up so early and showered. I wanted to be insulted, since she was the third person to interrogate me about the young hour, but I knew it was nothing personal, so I laughed a little instead.

I explained quickly what had happened. “I don’t know what we’re going to do about those windows, but there’s no way that I can deal with that all summer.”

“Try draping a throw blanket over the curtain rod,” Dad suggested, his mouth half-full with toast and egg. “It won’t be pretty, but it’ll probably do a decent job.”

Shrugging, I replied, “I guess I could try that. I just don’t want to break anything if the blanket’s too heavy, though.”

“No, don’t break anything!” Mom’s eyes looked alarmed. “The last thing we need is paying for damages.”

Dad gave her an exasperated look. “Oh, stop. A throw blanket isn’t going to be heavy enough to rip a curtain rod out of the wall.”

Mom opened her mouth to retaliate, a crease forming between her eyebrows, but I cut her off quickly with, “I was kind of kidding. I’ll just give it a shot.”

The tension mostly diffused, and everyone went back to eating in silence. After a minute of desperate searching, I finally came up with something to talk about: “So what are the plans for today? Do we have any?”

Mom and Dad exchanged a look. “Um, I don’t think so,” Dad answered hesitantly. “Was there something you wanted to do?”

“I want us to go down to the beach, all three of us. I think it’ll be fun.”

Dad sighed, but he agreed, and Mom was soon to follow.

“Let’s go get changed then.”