Hold My Heart
Jesse
At first when Vic suggested going to a basketball game at school together, I thought he was insane. He knew that we weren't making our relationship public, and going to a game together might make it just a little bit obvious. It took a lot of convincing, but after explaining that his best friends and his brother were on the team and he wanted to cheer them on, I reluctantly agreed. He assured me that nobody would assume anything, and I believed him. If only I had known what was to come.
Vic picked me up at my house that night and drove me to the game. There weren't many cars there, which we assumed was a good thing. There would be less people to see us, less people that could become suspicious of us. I knew that I was just being paranoid. It was normal for two friends to go to a basketball game and hang out, right? Still, if we forgot for a moment and kissed or held hands, I knew that we would get ridiculed in school. I heard all of the derogatory names the 'popular kids' called some of the people at our school. We would never hear the end of it, especially Vic, who was a lot higher in status than I was. I tried to push these thoughts back from my mind when I felt Vic's hand over mine. We we sitting in his parked car in the school parking lot.
"Are you ready to go in?" he asked. I bit my lip and nodded.
"Don't worry, nobody will know. It'll be hard trying to stop myself from pouncing on you the entire time, but I'll control myself," Vic joked. I smiled and rolled my eyes, climbing out of the car.
Like we had predicted, there were only about a hundred people filling up the long rows of bleachers. The gym could fit almost a thousand people if we used the bleachers on both walls and packed everyone in tight. Only one side was unfolded now, all of the audience scattered among the open seats. We arrived just as the game was starting up, and took spots near the bottom row on the left side where the fans cheering on our team were seated.
I had never watched a basketball game before, so I had a hard time keeping up at first. Vic tried to explain to me what was happening, and eventually I caught up. Vic talked with his friends Tony and Jaime when they were benched, which was only for a few minutes each. They were both star players. He also briefly introduced me to his brother Mike. At first I couldn't tell if Mike knew about us, but he seemed oblivious. Either that or he didn't care. Vic eventually explained that Mike knew that he was gay, but he hadn't said anything about our relationship yet.
Before I knew it, the clock buzzed telling everyone that it was half-time. All of the players walked off of the court to go cool down and strategize for the next half of the game. Vic tapped me on the arm and I turned to face him.
"I'm gonna go get us some popcorn," he said. I nodded and watched him as he hopped down from the bleachers and walked out of the gym. I sat there, absently tapping my foot and waiting for his return. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone making their way up the bleachers, but decided to ignore it. That is, until they were standing right beside me. I looked up and was surprised at the face I saw staring back at me.
"Jesse?" I questioned. The red-haired boy smiled and sat down next to me.
"Hey Kellin," he replied. "I haven't talked to you in a while."
"Um, you kind of told me not to," I said cautiously. I had no idea why he was talking to me now. The last time I had a conversation with him twelve days ago, he was telling me that I had to choose between him and Vic. It was obvious who I had chosen, so I didn't know why he was even bothering. All I knew was that it couldn't be good.
"Look, I know that what I did made me look like a dick, and I don't blame you for going with Vic. But I really need to talk to you about something. In private," he said. I sighed.
"Can't you just tell me here?" I asked. Jesse shook his head.
"No. Come on, it'll just take five minutes," he begged. I looked behind me to see if Vic was on his way back. He wasn't, so I hoped that I could get back before him so that he wouldn't wonder where I was.
"Alright, five minutes," I agreed. Jesse smiled before standing and walking back down the bleachers, motioning for me to do the same.
I followed him out of the gym and down a long hallway, far from the noisy crowd and ears that could pick up on our conversation. Most of the lights weren't turned on down this far, but the one at the very end of the hall was shining brightly just above the exit door to the side parking lot. He finally stopped and turned around to face me. His normally impassive but slightly irritated expression now showed signs of worry. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.
"Look, what I'm about to tell you . . . please don't ever tell anyone else, okay?" he requested with a shaky voice. I nodded, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I had never seen him this nervous. I was getting really anxious to hear what he had to say. He took another deep breath and ran a hand through his long ginger hair.
"Okay, you remember me telling you about that guy Alex?" he began. I nodded slowly. What did this have to do with him?
"Well, aside from Vic, I used to be one of his best friends. I cared about him a lot. Like, a lot. I kind of . . . had a crush on him," Jesse said slowly. My eyes widened with shock.
"Wait, you're - "
"Yeah, I'm gay. Surprise!" he said sarcastically. "Anyway, I know how hurt Alex was when Vic turned on him, like, emotionally. Vic was his best friend. And like I said before, I can see how close you two are. I see how you look at him, Kellin."
My breathing hitched out of nervousness. Does he know about our relationship?
"It's really obvious that you have a crush on him."
Okay, then I guess he doesn't know. But he's just one step closer to figuring it out, and that thought didn't sit well with me.
"I just don't want you opening yourself up to him too much and getting hurt like Alex did. Despite making an ass of myself, I do care about you," Jesse finished. I looked down at the floor and nodded. I knew that Vic and I would have to be more careful about how we looked at each other in public now. As I was chewing over Jesse's words, he did something that I never expected him to do.
He stepped forward quickly, grabbing the back of my head, and pulled me into a kiss. I was utterly shocked at first and didn't react. I didn't kiss back, but it took me a few seconds to realize what was happening and push him away. When I finally did push him away we both stood there breathless for a moment before I started getting angry.
"What the hell, Jesse?" I exclaimed quietly.
"You need to get over your little crush on Vic, okay? You need to be with someone that you can trust, someone that won't ever hurt you. Someone like me. Vic doesn't even like guys anyway!" Jesse ranted. His eyes softened and he took a step towards me, taking my hand in his. "I like you, Kellin."
"No, Jesse . . . I can't," I replied. I wasn't really sure what to say. I couldn't be with him, I was with Vic! I didn't even like Jesse that way anyway. I tried to back away but he wouldn't let go of my hand.
"Look, you have to understand that I'm doing this for your own good. Vic will hurt you one way or another. I don't want to do that. But . . .," he said with a sigh, "if you leave here and go back to him then I'm going to have to tell everyone about your . . . sexual preference."
"Jesse, please, don't tell anyone! Just trust me, Vic isn't going to hurt me. I promise. Just don't tell anyone," I begged. Jesse's determined expression never faltered.
"It's your choice, Kellin," he said before turning and walking out the side door of the school building. I stared after him in awe, wondering how the hell I would get out of this. But for now, I wouldn't worry about it. Jesse said that he cared about me, so hopefully he would come to his senses and keep this information to himself. I turned on my heels and walked back down the hallway towards the gym to find Vic.
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Vic's POV
When I got back to the bleachers where Kellin and I had been sitting, the dark-haired boy was nowhere to be found. I assumed that he had gone to the bathroom and would be back soon, but for some odd reason, I felt compelled to go search for him. I set the popcorn and drinks down on the seats and climbed back down off of the bleachers.
I approached the closest bathroom and looked inside. I called Kellin's name, but got no reply. That's strange. I wonder where he went off to.
I didn't think that he would've wandered down the long hall that led to the parking lot on the side of the school, but I decided to check there anyway. As I quietly made my way down the dark hallway, I heard two faint voices conversing near the end. I smiled when I realized that one of them was Kellin's. But who was the other voice?
I turned another corner and stopped immediately, my heart almost completely stopping at what I saw. My boyfriend was kissing some weird kid with long red hair. I couldn't see his face because it was blocked by the back of Kellin's head.
I ducked back around the corner before they could see me, jogging back to the gym. It felt like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces. I trusted Kellin. He told me things about himself that he said he'd never told anyone else, and what we did at his house . . . that's not something you do with someone that you're cheating on. But apparently Kellin was a cheater, so I wanted nothing more to do with him. I dashed out the front door of the building and got into my car, speeding away. I never wanted to see that boy again.
Vic picked me up at my house that night and drove me to the game. There weren't many cars there, which we assumed was a good thing. There would be less people to see us, less people that could become suspicious of us. I knew that I was just being paranoid. It was normal for two friends to go to a basketball game and hang out, right? Still, if we forgot for a moment and kissed or held hands, I knew that we would get ridiculed in school. I heard all of the derogatory names the 'popular kids' called some of the people at our school. We would never hear the end of it, especially Vic, who was a lot higher in status than I was. I tried to push these thoughts back from my mind when I felt Vic's hand over mine. We we sitting in his parked car in the school parking lot.
"Are you ready to go in?" he asked. I bit my lip and nodded.
"Don't worry, nobody will know. It'll be hard trying to stop myself from pouncing on you the entire time, but I'll control myself," Vic joked. I smiled and rolled my eyes, climbing out of the car.
Like we had predicted, there were only about a hundred people filling up the long rows of bleachers. The gym could fit almost a thousand people if we used the bleachers on both walls and packed everyone in tight. Only one side was unfolded now, all of the audience scattered among the open seats. We arrived just as the game was starting up, and took spots near the bottom row on the left side where the fans cheering on our team were seated.
I had never watched a basketball game before, so I had a hard time keeping up at first. Vic tried to explain to me what was happening, and eventually I caught up. Vic talked with his friends Tony and Jaime when they were benched, which was only for a few minutes each. They were both star players. He also briefly introduced me to his brother Mike. At first I couldn't tell if Mike knew about us, but he seemed oblivious. Either that or he didn't care. Vic eventually explained that Mike knew that he was gay, but he hadn't said anything about our relationship yet.
Before I knew it, the clock buzzed telling everyone that it was half-time. All of the players walked off of the court to go cool down and strategize for the next half of the game. Vic tapped me on the arm and I turned to face him.
"I'm gonna go get us some popcorn," he said. I nodded and watched him as he hopped down from the bleachers and walked out of the gym. I sat there, absently tapping my foot and waiting for his return. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone making their way up the bleachers, but decided to ignore it. That is, until they were standing right beside me. I looked up and was surprised at the face I saw staring back at me.
"Jesse?" I questioned. The red-haired boy smiled and sat down next to me.
"Hey Kellin," he replied. "I haven't talked to you in a while."
"Um, you kind of told me not to," I said cautiously. I had no idea why he was talking to me now. The last time I had a conversation with him twelve days ago, he was telling me that I had to choose between him and Vic. It was obvious who I had chosen, so I didn't know why he was even bothering. All I knew was that it couldn't be good.
"Look, I know that what I did made me look like a dick, and I don't blame you for going with Vic. But I really need to talk to you about something. In private," he said. I sighed.
"Can't you just tell me here?" I asked. Jesse shook his head.
"No. Come on, it'll just take five minutes," he begged. I looked behind me to see if Vic was on his way back. He wasn't, so I hoped that I could get back before him so that he wouldn't wonder where I was.
"Alright, five minutes," I agreed. Jesse smiled before standing and walking back down the bleachers, motioning for me to do the same.
I followed him out of the gym and down a long hallway, far from the noisy crowd and ears that could pick up on our conversation. Most of the lights weren't turned on down this far, but the one at the very end of the hall was shining brightly just above the exit door to the side parking lot. He finally stopped and turned around to face me. His normally impassive but slightly irritated expression now showed signs of worry. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.
"Look, what I'm about to tell you . . . please don't ever tell anyone else, okay?" he requested with a shaky voice. I nodded, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I had never seen him this nervous. I was getting really anxious to hear what he had to say. He took another deep breath and ran a hand through his long ginger hair.
"Okay, you remember me telling you about that guy Alex?" he began. I nodded slowly. What did this have to do with him?
"Well, aside from Vic, I used to be one of his best friends. I cared about him a lot. Like, a lot. I kind of . . . had a crush on him," Jesse said slowly. My eyes widened with shock.
"Wait, you're - "
"Yeah, I'm gay. Surprise!" he said sarcastically. "Anyway, I know how hurt Alex was when Vic turned on him, like, emotionally. Vic was his best friend. And like I said before, I can see how close you two are. I see how you look at him, Kellin."
My breathing hitched out of nervousness. Does he know about our relationship?
"It's really obvious that you have a crush on him."
Okay, then I guess he doesn't know. But he's just one step closer to figuring it out, and that thought didn't sit well with me.
"I just don't want you opening yourself up to him too much and getting hurt like Alex did. Despite making an ass of myself, I do care about you," Jesse finished. I looked down at the floor and nodded. I knew that Vic and I would have to be more careful about how we looked at each other in public now. As I was chewing over Jesse's words, he did something that I never expected him to do.
He stepped forward quickly, grabbing the back of my head, and pulled me into a kiss. I was utterly shocked at first and didn't react. I didn't kiss back, but it took me a few seconds to realize what was happening and push him away. When I finally did push him away we both stood there breathless for a moment before I started getting angry.
"What the hell, Jesse?" I exclaimed quietly.
"You need to get over your little crush on Vic, okay? You need to be with someone that you can trust, someone that won't ever hurt you. Someone like me. Vic doesn't even like guys anyway!" Jesse ranted. His eyes softened and he took a step towards me, taking my hand in his. "I like you, Kellin."
"No, Jesse . . . I can't," I replied. I wasn't really sure what to say. I couldn't be with him, I was with Vic! I didn't even like Jesse that way anyway. I tried to back away but he wouldn't let go of my hand.
"Look, you have to understand that I'm doing this for your own good. Vic will hurt you one way or another. I don't want to do that. But . . .," he said with a sigh, "if you leave here and go back to him then I'm going to have to tell everyone about your . . . sexual preference."
"Jesse, please, don't tell anyone! Just trust me, Vic isn't going to hurt me. I promise. Just don't tell anyone," I begged. Jesse's determined expression never faltered.
"It's your choice, Kellin," he said before turning and walking out the side door of the school building. I stared after him in awe, wondering how the hell I would get out of this. But for now, I wouldn't worry about it. Jesse said that he cared about me, so hopefully he would come to his senses and keep this information to himself. I turned on my heels and walked back down the hallway towards the gym to find Vic.
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Vic's POV
When I got back to the bleachers where Kellin and I had been sitting, the dark-haired boy was nowhere to be found. I assumed that he had gone to the bathroom and would be back soon, but for some odd reason, I felt compelled to go search for him. I set the popcorn and drinks down on the seats and climbed back down off of the bleachers.
I approached the closest bathroom and looked inside. I called Kellin's name, but got no reply. That's strange. I wonder where he went off to.
I didn't think that he would've wandered down the long hall that led to the parking lot on the side of the school, but I decided to check there anyway. As I quietly made my way down the dark hallway, I heard two faint voices conversing near the end. I smiled when I realized that one of them was Kellin's. But who was the other voice?
I turned another corner and stopped immediately, my heart almost completely stopping at what I saw. My boyfriend was kissing some weird kid with long red hair. I couldn't see his face because it was blocked by the back of Kellin's head.
I ducked back around the corner before they could see me, jogging back to the gym. It felt like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces. I trusted Kellin. He told me things about himself that he said he'd never told anyone else, and what we did at his house . . . that's not something you do with someone that you're cheating on. But apparently Kellin was a cheater, so I wanted nothing more to do with him. I dashed out the front door of the building and got into my car, speeding away. I never wanted to see that boy again.