Hold My Heart

I stormed into the house. I thought that things were finally starting to look up when I met Vic. I was finally friends with one of the popular kids. I finally had someone who accepted me. But I guess all of that was just in my head, because now I see that Vic doesn't really want me at all.

I passed through the living room and went into the kitchen. I stopped when i saw my uncle sitting there with three of his friends, Mike, Tre, and Jason.

"Hey, Kellin. You're home already?" Billie asked.

"Yeah. I'm just going to go up to my room," I said, and was about to turn around when my uncle stopped me.

"Wait a second." I turned around to face him. "I'm having a party here tonight and I don't want you here while it's going on, because you'll probably end up getting yourself in trouble. I need you to stay somewhere else tonight, alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine," I said quickly, and turned to jog up the stairs to my room. I knew that I had no where to go, as my only friend was out of town, but I wasn't going to disobey him because I knew that he was going to drink at the party, and after the last time, I didn't want to see him drunk again.

I stayed upstairs until about 9 o'clock, and then Billie came to my room to tell me that I had to leave soon because the party started at ten. I grabbed my phone and wallet, and headed out the door, not really sure where to go. I had about a fifty dollars on me, so I decided to go see a movie.

I spent about thirty minutes walking down to the local movie theater. The wind outside was bitter cold, but I had forgotten to grab a jacket before I left, and I wasn't turning around to get one, so I shoved my hands in my pockets and made the best of it. I watched a movie that was about two hours long, and by the time it was over, I was extremely tired. I hadn't even payed attention to what was going on. I couldn't stop thinking about Vic the entire time. Despite everything that happened, I still really liked him. I couldn't ever figure out why everyone at school was so afraid of him, because despite the first and last times we talked, he was always really sweet. When he told me that he didn't want to be friends with me anymore just because I was gay, I felt like he had just punched me in the stomach, because I didn't expect that kind of thing out of him. I guess I had fallen for him a little harder than I intended to.

While I was thinking, I had begun walking from the movie theater back into a small alley behind the building. I didn't know why I was back here, I just wanted somewhere to be. Everyone else in my life doesn't want me, so I might as well stay where they won't see me. I slumped down against the brick wall and closed my eyes. I didn't want to fall asleep here, I just wanted a place to think.

"Hey, are you alright?" I heard a voice say. My eyes snapped open and I stood up. There was a person standing about five feet away from me. My heart started racing. I had no idea who this person was or what they wanted. I took a step back, but they didn't seem to mean any harm.

"Hey, you're Kellin right? You're the new kid at Clairemont! We have third period together. I'm Austin," he said. As I examined him closer in the dim moonlight, I did vaguely recognize his face from class. I relaxed.

"Oh yeah, hi. What are you doing out here?" I asked.

"Business," he replied, then reached inside his hoodie to pull out a small bag full of some green substance that i assumed was weed. He stuffed the bag back inside his jacket.

"Ah," I said.

"What are you doing back here?" he asked. I sighed.

"I don't know. I guess just waiting until I can go home," I said. I didn't really feel like explaining the whole situation, and he didn't ask me to.

"You look pretty stressed out. Are you sure everything's okay?" Austin asked. No, everything was not okay, but I didn't tell him that. I didn't want to tell him that my parents just died, so now I'm living with my alcoholic uncle who kicked me out of the house for a party, and I have a huge crush on a homophobic guy. That's kind of heavy for a first encounter with someone. I just shrugged. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small container. He then popped the top and shook two small pills into his hand. He held them out to me.

"Here, they'll make you feel better. Since it's your first time, it's on the house," he said. I hesitantly reached out my hand, and held the pills for a minute. I knew that it was a bad idea, but right now I didn't really care. Absolutely nothing in my life was going right, and I needed something to make me feel better. I put the first pill in my mouth and swallowed it, then the second one.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem," he replied. His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out to read a text message.

"I gotta go. See you later, Kellin," he said. I smiled.

"Bye, Austin."

I stood there for a few minutes after he left, just thinking. I was starting to feel the effects of the pills. I felt really jumpy, and it was scary, but it was also really exhilarating. I decided to walk out of the alley and go do something. I didn't know what I was going to do yet, but it was going to be awesome. Yes, I'm going to do something awesome. I don't even remember why I was sad before. Was it because of Vic? Why was Vic making me sad? Fuck Vic. Vic is a dick. Ha ha, that rhymes!

Before I got to the end of the long alley, a group of large, muscular guys started coming in the way that I was walking out. I saw them start to laugh, but I didn't pay attention to it. I just kept walking. Nothing could make me upset right now. I had awesome things to do. I heard them talk amongst themselves for a minute before I approached. I tried to walk around them, but they all stood in a line, blocking off the entire alley. I stepped back for a moment, confused, before one of them stepped forward and punched me in the face, making me fall to the ground.

I just laid there on the ground as they all surrounded me and started to punch and kick me. One of them kicked my side where I had cut myself the day before, and the pain all over my body was excruciating. One of them knelt down and searched my body. They eventually pulled my wallet out of the pocket of my jeans.

"Alright, come on, let's go. If anybody saw us, they'll have called the police by now," one of them said. And with that, they all ran out of the alley.

I couldn't move. Everything was painful. I tried to sit up, but I couldn't even do that. I couldn't tell if anything was broken, but my entire body felt like one big bruise. I moved my hand over to my left side to touch the cuts that I had given myself, and I could tell that they had started bleeding again. My head was spinning, and I didn't know if it was from the drugs or if I had a concussion.

I don't know how long I was lying there. It could've been minutes, it could've been hours. I eventually mustered up enough energy to stand, and I leaned against the cold brick wall of the movie theater for support. I felt my back pocket and was relieved to find that the gang hadn't stolen my phone. I looked at my contacts and wondered who I could call. I tried to call Billie several times, but he didn't answer. I guess he's too busy at his party. I tried to call Jesse, but he didn't answer either, and I knew that he wouldn't have been able to help anyway since he was out of town. I finally broke down and called the one person that I really didn't want anything to do with right now. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I held the phone up to my ear. I hoped that he wouldn't be able to tell that I was crying.

"Hello?" Vic said. He sounded annoyed. "Kellin, it's one thirty in the morning. And I thought I told you not to talk to me." That's when I really started sobbing.

"Vic, I - I need you to come pick me up. Please," I said.

"Whoa, calm down! Are you okay?" he asked. I just kept crying into the phone.

"No, I just . . . no one else would answer their phone, and I'm all alone, and I need a ride home. Please, Vic," I begged. I heard him sigh.

"Alright, where are you?" he asked.

"The movie theater a few blocks from school," I replied with a shaky voice.

"Okay, just wait outside. I'll be there soon," he said, and then hung up. I clung to the wall as I shakily walked back down the alley and around the building to the parking lot. I didn't have to look in a mirror to know that I was a mess. My face was bloody, my clothes were all messed up, and I was walking with a limp. The movie theater had closed already, so no one else was outside.

After about ten minutes, I saw a familiar red car pull into the parking lot. I tried to forget about the conversation that Vic and I had next to it today, but it just kept coming back, which made me start crying again. Vic pulled up right in front of me and got out of the car.

"Holy shit, Kellin, what happened to you?" he asked. He looked really worried, but I knew deep down that he didn't care. Or did he? I didn't know, but right now I wasn't much in the mood for talking. I was depressed, and pissed off, and I just wanted to go home. I didn't care what my uncle said.

"Nothing, I just got jumped by some guys. Come on, I want to go home," I said bitterly as I pushed past him to get into the passenger seat of the car. He walked back around to the driver's side, and got in. We didn't say another word as he pulled out of the movie theater parking lot and started driving back towards the residency area of the city. I rested my face against the cool window and started daydreaming, but Vic's voice soon pulled me back into reality.

"Kellin?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about what I said today," he said. I looked over at him, confused. Did he want to be friends with me or not?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, for one, I overreacted this morning. I don't want you to think that I hate you or anything because you're gay. Secondly, I do still want to be friends with you. I know that I was being a jerk, and you have a right to be mad, but I'm just dealing with some stuff, and I'm sorry."

I let everything that he said sink in. He didn't care that I was gay, and he still wanted to be friends. I would have smiled, but my face hurt really bad.

"It's okay," I said. I think he started to ask me another question, but I didn't hear it because I passed out.