Status: 1/1
Where You Belong
1
Zack stared up at his ceiling refusing to look over at his alarm clock. He knew what time it was, 4:15, practice started five minutes ago but he'd decided not to go, again. This would mark the third consecutive practice he'd opted out of with no warning. From his bedside table his phone vibrated angrily but he ignored that too, that was something he was working on, ignoring things. I ignoring his band-mates probably wasn't the best way to improve this skill, he probably should have tried to ignore the awkwardness he felt around them instead but it was too late now.
He never really intended to quit the band it just sort of happened. One second he was driving to Rian's after school on Monday feeling incredibly anxious about practice like he always did and the next second he was making a U-turn and driving home. He told his mom Rian's basement was flooded and that practice was cancelled for the week then he spent the next few hours sort of crying. He wasn't really sure if it could be considered crying because for the life of him he couldn't figure out why tears were falling from his eyes. The fact that he'd ruined a great opportunity to play music he loved with people that supposedly liked him probably had everything to do with it but still he didn't really feel that sad, embarrassed maybe, but not sad.
It was embarrassing here he was seven-fucking-teen years old and he had to quit something he loved because his anxiety was too bad. That's not normal, he knew it wasn't fucking normal but no matter how much he wanted to change it he couldn't. They were nice guys, Jack, Rian, and Alex, but he just felt so out of place around them. They were loud and funny and Zack was awkward and shy, they had inside jokes, he went to a different high school, they couldn't practice some times because they had plans with other friends, Zack had exactly six contacts saved in his phone; two of them were his parents, three were Jack, Rian, and Alex, and the other one was a kid named Toby that he had to do a history project with a couple years ago. He didn't belong in their band and he knew they felt the same way in a few days his phone would stop buzzing with pseudo-concerned texts and everything would go back to normal.
Giving in he finally glanced at his clock, 5:05, he sighed a little relieved knowing the guys would be in the middle of practice and his phone would be silent until 4:10 tomorrow. Grabbing his phone and flipping it open he read through his texts all of them carrying a similar message: come to practice.
Jack B. 4:07
Duuuuuuuude bring ur sxy ass to practice 2day i miss ur face!!!!
Rian D. 4:12
Hey is everything ok? We've been missing you at practice.
Alex G. 3:30
U coming to practice today?
Alex G. 3:42
Plz show up dude
Alex G. 3:50
Txt me back!!!
Alex G. 4:09
Jack and Rian said ur not talking to them either wutsup???
R u sick/hurt?!
Alex G. 4:30
If I come over will u talk to me?
Alex G. 4:58
I'm coming over seeya in 10
Zack's eyes widened as he read the singer's last text, he was coming over? Fuck! Why couldn't he just leave him alone to die of old age in the confines of his room? He really didn't want to talk to Alex (or anyone) he was not prepared. Jumping out of bed he ran down stairs to tell his mom to lie and say he'd perished in a tragic shark attack or something. But of course it was too late and he could hear his mom greeting Alex before he even turned the corner. Panicked he ran back to his room as quietly as he could hurriedly throwing clothes in his hamper and scanning his room for anything that might humiliate him he could do that perfectly fine on his own thank you very much. Much sooner than he would have liked there was a knock on his door, taking a deep breath he tried to calm down as much as possible before opening the door.
"H-hey Alex. Shouldn't you uh b-be at practice." Zack cringed internally at how stupid he sounded this was exactly why he didn't want to be in the band anymore.
"I should be but according to your mom Rian's basement's flooded," Alex replied raising an eyebrow. "Why would she think that Zack?"
Zack blushed still standing in front of Alex awkwardly not at all sure of how to respond, this wasn't supposed to happen. They went to different schools he wasn't supposed to ever see any of them again. He didn't have anything to say that would both explain why he hadn't been showing up to practice and not make him look like an asshole or freak
"Can I at least come in," Alex sighed when it became apparent the younger wasn't going to respond.
"Y-yeah, sure." Moving aside Zack closed the door sitting as far away from Alex on his bed as he could.
"I'm not that mad at you," Alex chuckled. "I won't hit you if you sit closer to me." Zack remained silent staring at his feet. "Are you mad at us?"
"No." God how Zack wished a sinkhole would swallow him alive right now.
"Ok, so then what's going on cuz I really don't have any clue. I mean I thought everything was going fine and then you just stopped showing up to practice with no explanation. You haven't been answering any of our texts, I even called a few times. Were you ever gonna answer us or did you think we'd just forget you existed?"
"Sort of," Zack mumbled eyes still trained to the ground.
"Zack can you please tell me what's going on," Alex asked softly realizing anger wasn't going to get him anywhere. "We all miss you at practice, especially me Jack can get really loud I need someone calm like you to keep me sane."
"No you don't." Zack shook his head looking up at the older boy with tear glazed eyes. "I don't belong in your guy's band."
"What do you mean 'your guy's band'? You're just as much a part of the band as anyone else."
"No, I'm not!" Zack spat much angrier then he intended to ashamed at the flash of fear that he saw cross Alex's eyes. "I'm weird I don't fit in with you guys or anybody else do yourself a favor and find a normal bass player."
"But Za-"
"Alex, please just stop. I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong, I always feel so out of place at practice and my anxiety gets." Fuck, Zack groaned pressing his palms against his forehead, now Alex knew about his stupid anxiety problem, great. "Can you just leave please?"
"No." Alex moved over on the bed wrapping an arm around Zack's shoulders. "I'm not gonna leave or forget you exist, you're my friend Zack, I really like you."
Something switched inside Zack and all the sudden all the tears he'd been holding back came flooding out as he clung to his friend. Everything felt like too much and even though he knew he probably looked pathetic he couldn't let go of the older boy because that would risk the possibility of being left alone again.
"Shh, Zack it's ok, I got you." Alex held the younger boy tight against him stroking his hair as he felt his crying slow. "You belong in the band Zack, when we make it big you're the only guy I wanna see playing next to me."
"T-thanks Alex," Zack stuttered looking up as he spoke. They were still pressed close together and he couldn't help but notice how nice the singer looked.
"Of course," Alex breathed pressing their foreheads together.
Zack felt his face heat up as Alex stared into his eyes, he tried to look away but it seemed his eyes had decided they would only look at Alex's eyes or lips. Before he could over think it he was leaning in with a last fleeting thought that he couldn't embarrass himself anymore than he already had. Much to his surprise Alex leaned in too and unless he was dreaming he was now kissing the boy he'd thought for sure thought he was a freak.
"You belong right here," Alex smiled.
He never really intended to quit the band it just sort of happened. One second he was driving to Rian's after school on Monday feeling incredibly anxious about practice like he always did and the next second he was making a U-turn and driving home. He told his mom Rian's basement was flooded and that practice was cancelled for the week then he spent the next few hours sort of crying. He wasn't really sure if it could be considered crying because for the life of him he couldn't figure out why tears were falling from his eyes. The fact that he'd ruined a great opportunity to play music he loved with people that supposedly liked him probably had everything to do with it but still he didn't really feel that sad, embarrassed maybe, but not sad.
It was embarrassing here he was seven-fucking-teen years old and he had to quit something he loved because his anxiety was too bad. That's not normal, he knew it wasn't fucking normal but no matter how much he wanted to change it he couldn't. They were nice guys, Jack, Rian, and Alex, but he just felt so out of place around them. They were loud and funny and Zack was awkward and shy, they had inside jokes, he went to a different high school, they couldn't practice some times because they had plans with other friends, Zack had exactly six contacts saved in his phone; two of them were his parents, three were Jack, Rian, and Alex, and the other one was a kid named Toby that he had to do a history project with a couple years ago. He didn't belong in their band and he knew they felt the same way in a few days his phone would stop buzzing with pseudo-concerned texts and everything would go back to normal.
Giving in he finally glanced at his clock, 5:05, he sighed a little relieved knowing the guys would be in the middle of practice and his phone would be silent until 4:10 tomorrow. Grabbing his phone and flipping it open he read through his texts all of them carrying a similar message: come to practice.
Jack B. 4:07
Duuuuuuuude bring ur sxy ass to practice 2day i miss ur face!!!!
Rian D. 4:12
Hey is everything ok? We've been missing you at practice.
Alex G. 3:30
U coming to practice today?
Alex G. 3:42
Plz show up dude
Alex G. 3:50
Txt me back!!!
Alex G. 4:09
Jack and Rian said ur not talking to them either wutsup???
R u sick/hurt?!
Alex G. 4:30
If I come over will u talk to me?
Alex G. 4:58
I'm coming over seeya in 10
Zack's eyes widened as he read the singer's last text, he was coming over? Fuck! Why couldn't he just leave him alone to die of old age in the confines of his room? He really didn't want to talk to Alex (or anyone) he was not prepared. Jumping out of bed he ran down stairs to tell his mom to lie and say he'd perished in a tragic shark attack or something. But of course it was too late and he could hear his mom greeting Alex before he even turned the corner. Panicked he ran back to his room as quietly as he could hurriedly throwing clothes in his hamper and scanning his room for anything that might humiliate him he could do that perfectly fine on his own thank you very much. Much sooner than he would have liked there was a knock on his door, taking a deep breath he tried to calm down as much as possible before opening the door.
"H-hey Alex. Shouldn't you uh b-be at practice." Zack cringed internally at how stupid he sounded this was exactly why he didn't want to be in the band anymore.
"I should be but according to your mom Rian's basement's flooded," Alex replied raising an eyebrow. "Why would she think that Zack?"
Zack blushed still standing in front of Alex awkwardly not at all sure of how to respond, this wasn't supposed to happen. They went to different schools he wasn't supposed to ever see any of them again. He didn't have anything to say that would both explain why he hadn't been showing up to practice and not make him look like an asshole or freak
"Can I at least come in," Alex sighed when it became apparent the younger wasn't going to respond.
"Y-yeah, sure." Moving aside Zack closed the door sitting as far away from Alex on his bed as he could.
"I'm not that mad at you," Alex chuckled. "I won't hit you if you sit closer to me." Zack remained silent staring at his feet. "Are you mad at us?"
"No." God how Zack wished a sinkhole would swallow him alive right now.
"Ok, so then what's going on cuz I really don't have any clue. I mean I thought everything was going fine and then you just stopped showing up to practice with no explanation. You haven't been answering any of our texts, I even called a few times. Were you ever gonna answer us or did you think we'd just forget you existed?"
"Sort of," Zack mumbled eyes still trained to the ground.
"Zack can you please tell me what's going on," Alex asked softly realizing anger wasn't going to get him anywhere. "We all miss you at practice, especially me Jack can get really loud I need someone calm like you to keep me sane."
"No you don't." Zack shook his head looking up at the older boy with tear glazed eyes. "I don't belong in your guy's band."
"What do you mean 'your guy's band'? You're just as much a part of the band as anyone else."
"No, I'm not!" Zack spat much angrier then he intended to ashamed at the flash of fear that he saw cross Alex's eyes. "I'm weird I don't fit in with you guys or anybody else do yourself a favor and find a normal bass player."
"But Za-"
"Alex, please just stop. I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong, I always feel so out of place at practice and my anxiety gets." Fuck, Zack groaned pressing his palms against his forehead, now Alex knew about his stupid anxiety problem, great. "Can you just leave please?"
"No." Alex moved over on the bed wrapping an arm around Zack's shoulders. "I'm not gonna leave or forget you exist, you're my friend Zack, I really like you."
Something switched inside Zack and all the sudden all the tears he'd been holding back came flooding out as he clung to his friend. Everything felt like too much and even though he knew he probably looked pathetic he couldn't let go of the older boy because that would risk the possibility of being left alone again.
"Shh, Zack it's ok, I got you." Alex held the younger boy tight against him stroking his hair as he felt his crying slow. "You belong in the band Zack, when we make it big you're the only guy I wanna see playing next to me."
"T-thanks Alex," Zack stuttered looking up as he spoke. They were still pressed close together and he couldn't help but notice how nice the singer looked.
"Of course," Alex breathed pressing their foreheads together.
Zack felt his face heat up as Alex stared into his eyes, he tried to look away but it seemed his eyes had decided they would only look at Alex's eyes or lips. Before he could over think it he was leaning in with a last fleeting thought that he couldn't embarrass himself anymore than he already had. Much to his surprise Alex leaned in too and unless he was dreaming he was now kissing the boy he'd thought for sure thought he was a freak.
"You belong right here," Alex smiled.
♠ ♠ ♠
It feels weird to write a semi-happy zalex