Bless Your Beautiful Heart

I did it. My fears had fanished. I made a bond with copeland, with katelynn even. I thought about my time with kellin and really how little we had been around eachother. Yet still I had this huge feeling in my heart like I had known him forever and that nothing in this world would change how I felt about him. Katelynn offered for us to stay for dinner and we happily accepted although I could tell kellin was battling with himself. But he pulled through, for copeland, for me. The tention was extremely evudent between katelynn and kellin. He would grab my hand, she would glare. We would look at eachother about to kiss and she would make a small cough in her throat. I understood why she still loved kellin. They hd a beautiful child together. But I wouldn't get in the middle of someone who moved on. Which is why I understood when kellin would roll his eyes. She needed to understand that obviously their marriage didn't work. But like I said, were women, we hurt.
"You know, we can always go somewhere else for dinner." Kellin whispered. We were currently planted on the couch stuck in a trance watching copeland dance and be plugged into some tv kids show.
"No its ok, I don't want to leave her yet. Plus katelynn already started cooking. So bite your tounge and be nice." I said swatting his leg.
"Addilyn smith. ...I'm gonna get you good later." Something in his words made my skin tingle and my insides flip like crazy. My gut in knots, I didn't say anything, I just crossed my arms over my chest and tried to keep my urges under control. This wasn't like me , to get aroused, but since kellin came into my life, I feel like a lot about me has changed. Its all for the better. Even meeting copeland gave me a motherly instinct. Like I needed to protect her with everything in me. I knew that as soon as I went back to south carolina and then left for three months that I would miss her like she were my own child. I planned on treating her as such too. Spoiling her, showering her in gifts. As if kellin didn't do it enough himself. I really shouldn't add to the list, but a princess needs what a princess needs.
Eventually kellin busied himself with copeland and my spot on the couch had grown uncomfortable so I decided I would go and help katelynn with something. I figure I owe her that much for making her watch while I stole the love of her life. No, I didn't feel bad for her but I didn't want to just rub the salt in her wounds. I walked to the kitchen, about to ask her permission to help but stopped when I saw her bent over the sink, shoulders slumped and her hair falling flawlessly infront of her while she silently shook. Looking at her still all I could think was that I only understood. I walked to her and decided I would be strong about this. I gently lifted her head by her chin, her shoulders next and firm.
"Look at this beautiful mess you've made of yourself." I took a papertowl from the roll next to me and handed it to her, making her wipe her face.
"That beautiful little girl out there is counting on you to feed her. Now let's finsh, ok?" I wasn't trying to be mean or bossy or act like I was better than her but as a women, I know sometimes we need that push to just get us by. Tough love is no joke. So I was glad when after dinner was done that she turned to me and hugged me.
"Thank you for helping me. And the mental slap, I needed it."
"Your welcome." I said. When I pulled back, I ripped another papertowel off and grabbed a pen fron the counter and wrote my cell number down hfor her.
"If you ever need to talk, give me a ring or shoot me a text anytime you want ok?" I said.
"Thanks addilyn. And I'm sorry for acting like this." Sshe appologized. I just shook my head and waved a dismissive hand.
"Don't. Were women, we hurt." I recited my thoughts from earlier. As the night went on, dinner was ate, the convorsation was light, easy, and fun. It seemed the awkward level had dropped to a two had it been measured from one to ten. But soon it was later than we had all realized and kellin and I thought it be best to get copeland to bed and for us to do the same. We said our goodbyes, both kellin and I laying gentle kisses on copeys head as she slowly fell asleep in her high chair. A picture I captured in my mind to remember later should I ever need a pick me up.
Kellin and I were in the car now, clicking our seatbelts and checking our mirrors when he spoke.
"I heard what you said to her." He said. I turned to look at him and he was already looking at me with a heartmelting smile across his face.
"It was nothing really. She needed it and it was easy enough to deliver so I thought 'what the hell'"
"Well it was very admirable of you to do. You didn't have to but you did anyway. Just like you did with me." It was then that kellin turned quickly to the stearing wheel in hopes that I hadn't seen the water building up in his eyes that I very much did see. I ran my fingers up under his hair and massaged very softly trying to soothe him.
"With you there was no choice sweetie. With you there was no other way." I said soothingly.
"Even with my-" he started but I cut him off.
"Kellin Quinn! Stop it! That has absolutly nothing to do with me wanting you in my life. I want you here to stay, tumor or no tumor." Those words were all it took for kellin to fall into me and let out his grief and stress, anger and reliefe. I realized now that he thought that I thought of him as damaged. I could hear the question forming in his head. 'Who wants garbage?'
After he let it out, I pushed the hair from his face and stroked his moistened cheeks. I willed my love to seep through my fingertips and to his mind to help ease him.
"Would you like me to drive kellin?" I whispered into the quietness of our rental that was still parked in katelynns driveway. He sat up, put his hands on the steering wheel and turned his head.
"Would you, please?"
I understood feeling unwanted. I had been there myself more times than I can remember. My parents, friends that I thought I had made throughout my life, myself. Most of my life I felt useless. I could never keep a relationship or friendship because I never got out and that just discouraged me more. It was the exact reason that harlow had spent most of her time trying to hook me up. The same reason they all usually ended up in the friendzone. The exact reason kellin was so special to me. I had found him on my own. I had love in my gut, in my heart. I didn't let it pass me by. The impact was saving me. More importantly, saving him.
"Is that true?" He spoke and confused me.
"Is what true?" I asked. And that was my realization that everything I had just mind babbled about had actually come out of my mouth. Thank God. Because I actually really needed him to hear that.