Atonement

“What do you think about Henry?” I asked, picking my head up off of Jared's chest to look him in the eyes.

“Henry what?” He murmured.

“Henry Louis?” I asked.

“I don't know about that one, Jo,” He smirked, “Henry Louis, the third king of France.”

“Just a suggestion,” I smiled at his teasing, sitting upright. Jared brought his hand around from my back to my belly. I was seven months along with our son and we were still nameless, “How about Sam Winchester Padalecki?” I did some of my own teasing. Jared smiled and rolled his eyes at me as he sat up – we needed to get going. A small knock at the door pulled our attention from one another.

“Come in, Ollie,” I called. Oliver pushed the door open and came bounding towards the bed, Jared scooped him up and tossed him onto the bed, much to Ollie's delight.

“Jared,” He laughed as my boyfriend began tickling my son, “Staaaahp.”

“You gotta say the magic word, bud,” Jared continued tickling.

“Stahhhp,” Ollie squealed, giggling as Jared pulled his hands away. Ollie stood up on the bed, jumping slightly, “Momma.”

“Remember, Ollie, you gotta be careful around momma and the baby,” Jared said in a calm, even tone that let Ollie know he needed to pay attention to what he was doing. He stopped bouncing and sat down before wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on my belly, “Good job.”

“You sleep okay, baby?” I asked my son, running my hand through his tousled, dirty blonde hair. Jared got up out of bed, going over to his luggage and digging around.

“Mhm,” Ollie looked up at me, “baby sleepins?”

“I think so,” I answered.

“shhh,” He said quietly then whispered against my tee shirt, “i loves brudder.” I grinned to myself as I looked down at my little boy – he'd just turned three a week earlier.

“Ollie,” Jared said, getting his attention, “Why don't we order some breakfast and let momma get ready?”

“Waffles?” Ollie asked, his eyes wide with excitement.

“Good idea,” Jared picked up Ollie, “What do you want, momma?”

“Lots of bacon,” I said, rubbing my belly, “Ooh, and some bananas.”

“Banana waffles with bacon?” Jared asked sweetly.

“Mmm yes,” I smiled, pushing myself up from the bed. I walked over to my boys giving Ollie a kiss on his forehead and pecking Jared on the lips before they headed out into the sitting room.



We were in San Diego for a convention, it was the first I'd ever accompanied Jared to in nearly four years of being together and I was a bit nervous because not only would I potentially be meeting Jared's fans, but I knew Norman would be there as well. Jared had assured me that this was one of the largest conventions – our paths would probably not even cross – and that I didn't have anything to worry about.

Norman is Ollie's father. If you saw Jared with Ollie on the street, without knowing, you'd never guess he wasn't his dad. When I found out I was pregnant, I was 23 and I'd been with Norman for two years. We'd met one night while I was doing my clinicals for my nursing degree, he'd come in limping after stepping off a curb and twisting his ankle. The nurse I'd been paired up with had treated him while I looked on and after she'd finished, when I was wheeling him down to the pharmacy so he could pick up his medications, he asked me out for dinner.

Marriage had always been something that was important to me, I wanted to marry Norman, but he had different views when it came to that. He said he didn't need a piece of paper to validate his feelings for me. When I told him I was pregnant I thought maybe he'd change his mind, decide he was ready to settle down, but the opposite happened. I was about six weeks along when I found out I was pregnant – I'd have one of the other nurses at the clinic give me a test and an ultra sound. As I laid there, watching Ollie's heartbeat tick along on the screen, I wondered what Norman's reaction would be.

Norman's first word after I sat him down and told him we were having a baby was “How?”. Words cannot begin to express how wounded I was when he got up from the couch and came back with a bottle of whiskey. It wasn't that he wasn't happy, he said, he just wasn't ready. His career had just began to pick up, he was on a top rated television show, things were busy for him right now, he explained between drinks. My face must have shown my disappointment because he stopped talking about himself and started talking about me. Didn't I want to go back to school? How would I manage that? I asked if he was about to ask me to get an abortion. Did I want one? He asked with an almost hopeful look in his eyes. I stood up and wordlessly went into our bedroom where I began packing while Norman kept sipping the bottle of whiskey until it was empty. I carried the two suitcases I could manage to the front door, by this time he was asleep on the couch – I debated leaving him a note, but decided against it and took one last look around the apartment we'd shared before walking out.

That night I got myself a hotel room and I ended up staying there for a month. Norman called and text me, asking me if we could talk and each time I ignored him. It was childish of me, but I couldn't look past the hurt and anger I felt. My best friend, Katie, had invited me to come stay with her once I told her what had happened, and for a week or two I kept telling her no, that I was fine, but I wasn't. I was depressed add that to all of the pregnancy hormones that were coursing through me – I was a mess. Finally, I agreed to move in with her which meant moving halfway across the country to Texas, I applied and got a job at one of the hospitals in Dallas. Everything was in place for me to leave New York behind, but I had to tie things up with Norman. I called him 4 or 5 times a day for the last few days I was in town, trying to clear the air for our baby, but he never answered.

Texas was a good change of scenery, but my blue mood lingered on. I was so grateful to Katie for letting me stay with her and it was just the two of us in the large house she and Jensen had purchased the year before. He was in Vancouver filming for Supernatural and he would come home on the weekends to spend time with her and it was sweet to see them together, but it also reminded me of what I was missing. One weekend, when I was nearing the sixth month mark and I knew I was having a boy, I text Norman to let him know he was having a son and that I was ready to talk about co-parenting and how we would work out visitation because I had plans to stay in Texas. He'd responded to my paragraph with “Okay, now's not a good time. Call me tomorrow.” I was in the bathroom, bawling, when Katie and Jensen got home that night. Katie had coaxed me out of the bathroom and I'd explained what had happened to her and I told her I wished I'd picked a better father for my son. She hugged me tightly as Jensen and Jared – who I recognized from the show, but had never met – rounded the corner. I'd greeted both of them, quickly wiping at my puffy eyes and feeling slightly embarrassed of my old gray sweatpants and oversized tee-shirt as Jensen introduced me to Jared.

The next night the three of them were going to dinner and Katie made it a point to invite me, then went to my closet and picked out an outfit for me. I complained that my feet hurt and she laid out a pair of flip flops for me and told me to be ready at six. I'd dressed in the outfit she'd set out for me and begrudgingly got ready and made my way down to meet the three of them. At dinner I had a wonderful time, laughing and joking again and for the first time since I'd left New York I felt like my old self. Back at the house around midnight Katie and Jensen excused themselves to bed, leaving Jared and I in their living room. We talked about his work, about me working in the hospital and how much I loved Texas. At one point Ollie was kicking and Jared asked if he could feel my belly it was cute the way he gently placed his hand on my stomach, careful not to put too much pressure on me. I placed my hand over his and guided it to where Ollie was assaulting me and pressed lightly, I watched Jared's face as he felt Ollie's little foot make contact with his hand – the grin that spread across his face brought me back to reality. I let go of his hand as tears sprung up in my eyes, Jared pulled his hand away as he noticed my eyes getting watery and he apologized. I apologized for being a mess and thanked him for a good time. He told me if I wanted to talk, he'd listen.

And I did talk to him. We talked all night and for the last few months of my pregnancy Jared was one of the most supportive friends I could have asked for. He began flying home with Jensen on the weekends and staying in the guest room on the first floor. Jared went with me to pick out Ollie's bedroom set and that day when we were in the car he asked if I'd picked a name. I told him the list I'd narrowed it down to: Max, Teller, Oliver, or Cole. Jared said he liked Oliver and when we were sitting there in his rented SUV, talking about names for Ollie, my phone rang and it was Norman. The conversation we had was one sided for the most part, a lot of him asking me to come back to New York and apologizing for the way he treated me. Jared could hear him and I saw him shaking his head, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as Norman's words brought tears to my eyes. These were all the things I'd been wanting to hear from him for months, but he was too late. I was finally happy and hopeful about my future without him and suddenly he's forcing himself back into my life when it was convenient for him. I ended the phone call before Norman had finished his spiel, I couldn't take it. Jared reached across the center console and held out his large hand to me, without thinking twice I slipped my hand into his and we went on about our day.

The night I went into labor Katie and I had been alone at the house, it was just past one in the morning, I'd been awoken by what I thought were just braxton hicks contractions, and I'd gotten up to use the bathroom. I'd made it halfway down the hall when my water broke. Katie got us to the hospital – the same one I worked at – in no time. She'd made sure to grab my hospital bag and hadn't left my side except to call Jensen and Jared and let them know it was time. They were in Vancouver, of course, but they promised her to get on the next possible flight they could. I also had Katie call Norman, she had grimaced at the idea at first, but once she saw how sincere I was she did as I asked.

Twelve hours after arriving at the hospital I held my son in my arms for the first time. I'd had to have a C-Section, which left me incredibly sore and unable to get comfortable, but I was so happy to finally hold him. On his birth certificate I listed Norman as his father, writing Oliver Wyatt Reedus as his full name, choosing the name Jared and I had talked about. The following morning Jensen and Jared arrived at the hospital the both of them entering the room in a flurry of flowers and balloons, I smiled and thanked the both of them, trying my best not to feel self conscious of my messy hair or the fact that I wasn't wearing anything except for a hospital gown. My nurse, Mary, had taken Oliver for his hospital picture in the outfit I'd picked for him, they were due back any minute. Katie and Jensen excused themselves and after me insisting over and over that she go home for some sleep, she finally agreed. Jared stayed with me listening to my story about going into labor and holding Oliver for the first time. Just as I finished Mary returned with my son, spotting Jared she beamed and held Oliver out to him.

“Here you go, Dad,” She'd smiled.

My lips parted in surprise, opening my mouth to correct her just as Jared said, “Thanks.” And took the blue bundle that was my son into his arms.

“Hey Ollie,” Jared had grinned, running a finger along his cheek. My heart pounded in my chest as Mary stepped out of the room, I apologized for her mistake and Jared shook his head, brushing it off. A few hours later Jared was still there when Ollie's father did show up. Norman entered the room after knocking, holding a huge bouquet of roses and a large gift bag. He'd frozen when he spotted Jared, who held Ollie in his arms, and the only word he'd managed was 'Hey'. Jared handed Ollie over to me and stood up, looking at me as he offered to step out. I nodded, letting him know it was okay and Jared told me he'd be just outside if I needed him, Norman watched him with contempt as Jared passed him.

The first thing Norman asked was to hold him, the next was about Jared and who he was to me (a friend, I told him truthfully), and finally visitation and how we would work it out. We were still hammering out the details when Jared came back in the room nearly an hour later, Norman asked him to leave and I told him he could stay. I could see the anger in Norman's eyes, but he said nothing instead he continued our conversation and left quietly a few minutes later.

In the beginning Norman was fine with coming to Texas once a month to see his son, but around the time Ollie turned nine months we made the move to Vancouver to be with Jared. Norman stopped visiting and the only times he would see his son were when I would make the trip to New York or if we met halfway and I always had to make the trip alone.



After getting dressed and doing my makeup, I joined Jared and Ollie in the living room of our suite for breakfast. They sat at the table near the sliding glass door, Ollie digging into his waffles while Jared looked up to see me watching them and he smiled.

“Come on, pretty lady, breakfast is getting cold,” He gestured for me to take a seat. I crossed the room and sat across from Ollie, who beamed at me. I lifted the cover off of my plate and instead of the meal I requested on the plate there sat an unmistakable Tiffany's box. I stared at the box for a moment before bringing my eyes up to Jared, “Open it,” He smiled.

“Present!” Ollie grinned, leaning over the table, “Open present!” I picked the box up with shaking fingertips and pulled the lid off so I could access the smaller velvet box. I opened it carefully to reveal a gorgeous diamond solitaire. I looked up to Jared in time to watch him sink down to one knee beside me. Ollie hopped off his chair and came around the table where he plopped down on Jared's knee.

“Jo, you know I love you more than anything,” He said before looking down at Ollie, “Both of you,” He grinned and his eyes came back to me, “Will you be my wife?”

“Of course,” I smiled, feeling tears well in my eyes, “Yes.” Jared took the box from me and took the ring out of it's satin holder, he took my left hand in his and slipped the ring on my finger as Ollie looked on. Jared lifted Ollie off of him and stood, pausing as he did so to kiss me sweetly.