The Second Step: Sophomore Year

Going into this week I was pretty excited because I heard I was going to be running varsity for cross country on Friday. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday went fairly well and I did very well at practice. I was feeling a little bit down though because my supposed best friend was being purposely mean to me in a "joke," and she kept ignoring me to hang out with people who she says annoy her so I was very confused by this. My classes were going well too. But these were just small things that I could manage. On wednesday during lunch that day I was called into the leadership room. While there I was informed of two things: one that I would be participating in a game in the rally the next day, and two that I would be given a table afterwards for the club fair because I was a club leader. I was really excited for the rally because I would be representing sophomore cross country and I would be playing a game with a representative from sophomore cheer leaders. The game would be popping balloons in many different positions, some of which were lap sitting etc so I was really looking forward to the game. So I went on to finish that day in a fairly good mood. Tomorrow on Thursday would be a very big day because I would be having 6 AM morning practice, a basketball meeting during lunch, and of course the rally after school. So the practice went fine, the meeting went well, and a friend of mine tie dyed a shirt for me to wear during the rally so I was pretty amped. Going into the rally the leadership kids didn't have a cheerleader chosen to do it so they just asked who wanted to do it, and the one guy cheerleader just has to volunteer. My heart immediately dropped, not because I'm homophobic and not that I thought doing the challenge with this gay male was wrong, but because I knew that the entire school would be watching. Eventually when the time came for the challenge everyone was laughing and I played it cool and rolled with it. Then afterwards during the club fair we had plenty of volunteers sign up and that went ok. But things took a turn for the worse as I walked to where I would get picked up. As I walked I heard countless remarks about how I lost my virginity and how I now had a boyfriend, but I just ignored them and continued home. This caused me to dread going to school today (Friday), but after texting a friend I calmed down. As I first got to school and saw some friends in the morning I immediately heard more remarks. Then on into first period we were very busy so I slid by with no remarks, but in 2nd I heard plenty of taunts especially from some upperclassmen in that class. Honestly, at this time I was almost at my breaking point, but I just continued on to brunch. As I came near my friends I heard yet another remark from my so-called friends. This was it for me and I walked away and sat down with tears streaming from my eyes. A few came up to me to ask what was wrong but I ignored them and continued on to PE. This pretty much entailed balling my eyes out while running. And thankfully they left me alone to think in 4th period. Then during lunch I heard many apologies from friends who mentioned things earlier and also the Senior class president and vp who organized the games came up to me to apologize, but this just caused me to start tearing up again. Lunch went on without much more than sitting with my thoughts until one person came up and began to make fun until I angrily shoved them away. Later in 6th period I was called into the office by the dean (who organized the rally) and he talked to me about the events of today. He said he was extremely sorry and that if I felt that anyone should be named that I could give them to him and he would deal with them. This caused me to cry even more, but eventually I convinced him that I was fine and I finished out the day. After school I ran with a few others on the varsity squad and we drove to the beach to run 8 miles. This was very good to clear my mind and help me realize that everything would be okay if I just kept pushing through.

And now here I am after an awful day writing it down. Well I hope this problem goes away and that this just strengthens me mentally.