The Second Step: Sophomore Year

The entire issue with harassment has almost completely dissipated, despite a few remaining kids who won't let it go. And having that pass was a huge weight off my shoulders, but it still left me in one of my depressed states which typically last about a month. I had been in this mood for about three weeks and I kinda just worked myself out of it this past week. On wednesday we had our first cross country meet of the year and I did very well, placing 4th out of over 20 freshman and sophomore runners. This got me in brighter spirits, mainly because I never fail to yell my lungs out during sporting events. The following day I regressed back into a negative mood. This was caused by many things including a feeling that I wasn't impressing my teachers enough, that I was becoming kind of a loner because I simply dislike many people which I call my friends and because I give myself way to many priorities so I don't have much free time to hang out with friends that I do like, but mainly I was sad because I am losing my close relationship with my former best friend. I had been putting a lot of effort towards our friendship and it didn't seem like she wanted to reciprocate the effort. Not only is it hard to lose her as a close friend because she no longer wants to have that, but it is even worse because I kind of brought together her and two guy friends of mine by being friends with both. So now I don't have any of them as close friends anymore and I am sort of just the bridge that brought them together. Not the greatest feeling. But anyways this is why I was sad and angry on Thursday, but it wasn't all bad. Since I was visibly in a bad mood some people offered support, and this allowed me to truly see who cared as a friend. These people who offered moral support also include one girl who I have been fostering feelings for so thats good. But I went through practice that day and afterwords caught the end of the jv football with a senior friend of mine from x country. But still I went home that day in a bad mood. This was until a friend of mine contacted me asking me how I was doing. I explained how I was feeling and she offered advice and invited me to watch the varsity football game with her the next day(Friday). So I said sure and continued on to Friday in a slightly better mood. I went through my classes with no obstacles and continued on to practice after school. Again running with varsity, we went up to san bruno mountain and went on a hard but gorgeous run. This was very fun and exciting as we lost two runners then later we lost the coach as he went out as the search party. Eventually everyone was found, but still it was funny. After this me and my senior friend went to the football game. He went off to his senior friends and I went over to the girl who asked me to watch the game with her. I could tell her boyfriend was ticked off that I was there because this girl kinda has a thing for me and he is very jealous of me. But I ignored him and continued to have a fun time with good company. I was really talking to another girl who I am friends with pretty much the entire game and we were just catching up. But of course everyone has to ship us. I am pretty sure she likes me too, but I don't feel the same way so the shipping is kind of annoying. But anyways the entire game was fun and I went home afterward and texted the friend who invited me. After talking to her I had a sense of clarity. Maybe I lost my bestfriend for a reason, so that I could improve my relationships with other people. So I think this new girl who I have a lot in common with can now be called my bestfriend. And later my ex-bestfriend texted me and I realized something else, just because we aren't as close as before doesn't mean we can't just be normal friends. This is kind of getting long so I will wrap it up soon. But I feel that now I'm seeing a lot more clearly than I was just a week ago. Now I feel that I don't have to be so afraid of change in my life and that I should embrace it. Especially because I am so intent on changing and improving myself in academics and athletics, why not follow this same logic with my social life. I have outgrown some of my old friendships and maybe it is time to accept this and start putting more effort towards others who do think similarly to me. Either way I'm going to do what feels right and really that's all we can do: make what we see as the best decision without regretting that choice.

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."