The Beautiful and Undesirable

The rush. The cold whipped at his body, his wet hair plastered against and whipped at his face. The incredible, exhilarating force of the sea seemed to penetrate his heart and mind. This was magic, the closest feeling to nirvana that he'd ever experience. Then, the wave was flattening and John paddled back to the beach, Sonny stood smiling brightly.

"Wow! I didn't realise you were a pro."

"I'm not."

"Might as well be." He smiled at the young man and slicked his hair back.

"Thanks...I'm glad you're feeling it." Sonny nodded enthusiastically.

"Right, I'm gonna go catch a couple more, then maybe we could grab lunch?" Sonny nodded again and flinched slightly when a large, heavy hand smacked on his left shoulder blade.

"John O', dude, good to see you. Who's your friend?"

"Oliver, this is Sonny." Sonny smiled in relief that the bulky man standing next to them was a friend rather than an enemy and shook the large hand offered to him.

"Cool, good to meet you. Listen, Mandy's organised a party down here later cause the weather's meant to clear up. Everyone's coming..you should too, it's been too long since you hung with us." Sonny glanced at John whose face had clouded over at his friends concerned statement.

"Yeah I know man...just...you know how it is...." Oliver nodded.

"Well, try and make it. Try. I'm up but I'll see you later, hopefully." With that he jogged towards the water and Sonny squirmed uncomfortably in the thick silence that was only shattered by crashing waves and howling wind.

"I think I'm done...it's freezing and there's too many people here now." Sonny nodded, there were indeed crowds of loud people cheering on the surfers, and lots of wetsuit-clad men and women out on the waves. Most were rookies, daring and stupid and eager to show off. Few had a skill set like John. Those who did were professionals.

Sonny walked up the beach towards John's van with him and held his board up whilst he peeled off his wetsuit. Sonny pretended not to stare at the wet, goose-bumpy skin covering lean muscle. Or the sight of his toned ass in the tight speedos that were taken off underneath a towel. John was cursing and shivering by the time they were back in the front seat and Sonny turned the heat on for him.

When they went out for lunch John chose a small cafe where the owner knew his name. Sonny felt slightly in awe of the other man, he looked so effortlessly cool and he made conversation easily, his eyes were bright and smile gentle. He and the cafe owner chatted to one another for a while, and the man gave them their lunch on the house.

"So, Sonny, can I ask you something personal?"

"Shoot."

"How come you're...out here?"

"It's not a great story..."

"I figured - don't feel you have to tell me I was just curious." Sonny nodded. He couldn't not tell him, but at the same time it hurt too much and he was ashamed of having John think he was damaged goods.

"I...uh...have religious parents. I realised I was gay, and my um...my...music teacher was the only one I trusted enough to tell. We ended up getting together...and I thought we were in love - then one of the other students caught us kissing and took a picture and sent it to everyone. He was fired - turns out he'd been accused of being with students in other schools he'd worked at but was never actually fired through lack of proof. My family was told and kicked me out. And here I am." A piece of lettuce fell from John's burger and he put it down slowly, shocked.

"I am so sorry, Sonny."

"Don't be it's cool. I mean obviously it's not cool- I mean..I'm dealing with it. I'm ok." John nodded sadly.

"It's not as bad as it sounds, really."

"This guy- I mean, how old were you?"

"I was legal, don't worry. And he was only like early to mid-twenties. But of course it's still against school policy." John nodded again, his brow furrowed slightly as he clearly tried to think of something to say or process the information.

"John I'm ok. I don't want this to be a thing-"

"I'm not judging you." Sonny nodded and swallowed at the intensity in his voice.

"It just makes me sad. To think you trusted the guy....and your parents. How anyone could do something so cruel to a sweet kid like you is beyond me." He half-smiled gently.

"Thanks. So go on, tell me something bad about you. What did you mean earlier when you said to your friend 'you know how it is' about why you don't hang out with them anymore." John chuckled and nodded sadly.

"I guess that's a fair question."

"I had to ask but again don't tell me if you don't want to I get it-"

"No, no. It's cool. I guess...uh...obviously I've been on tour a lot with the band recently so I haven't seen them in a long time cause of that. And I get...depressed sometimes, when I'm home. Anxious. And...it uh...it just gets harder and harder to see them all again the longer you leave it." Sonny's chest ached as he realised John wasn't the confident person he'd initially thought.

"I'm sorry too - I didn't realise I mean you don't seem like an introvert." John smiled.

"Thanks. I guess we're even now." Sonny smiled.

"True!" As they walked back to the car, Sonny couldn't help but notice how charming the town was. It had a relaxed atmosphere, and despite the bad weather no one was really rushing anywhere. No one seemed bothered by it. It was refreshing and Sonny almost cursed that he felt more at home here than he ever had in California.

"You ok?"

"Yeah...I was just thinking how nice it is here." John nodded.

"I love this place. It's home." Sonny nodded. They drove back to John's in comfortable silence and when they arrived, before Sonny could mention moving on - John had sat down and asked him if he could play a musical instrument. He grinned a sweet smile when he admitted he could play guitar and piano, and John races off to find a spare guitar so they could have a jamming session together.

Sonny's heart was heavy that evening when he brought up the subject of leaving again.
"No, you don't-"

"I do have to. John you're the kindest person I've ever met but I can't keep leeching off your generosity I have to go." He nodded sadly.

"Well...I can't stop you, but I'd be happy for you to stay longer if you wanted to." Sonny smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder for a minute before standing and walking out to fetch his things, not seeing the way John's face fell in disappointment.

When he returned and John walked him to the front door, neither one knew what to say.
"Well..I've got your number now." Sonny nodded.

"Yeah, I hope...I hope you get your..stuff..under control. You're a wonderful person you don't deserve to feel that way." John smiled and nodded in a way that Sonny couldn't tell if it was sad or bashful.

"And I hope you get settled somewhere and your family come round. You're a great kid, Sonny." Sonny, without thinking, moved his hand to cup John's cheek gently.

"I'm glad I met you." Before leaving, embarrassed.

"Likewise..." John replied slowly, surprised and saddened by the loss of his new friend.