And I Watched It Begin Again

The bell above the front door of the neighborhood bakery chimed happily as if trying to combat the rainy day outside as a young woman walked in with a little girl clasping her hand. The bakery was filled with the laughter and chatter of other customers that morning, which gave the place an extra warm feeling of welcome. The pair were dressed in rain jackets and boots over their clothes to keep away the water from outside. The young woman dropped her hood and unzipped her jacket before doing the same for the little girl. She smiled at the young one, a laugh playing at the corners of her lips, and gave her hand a friendly squeeze. The girl’s eyes filled with wonder at the delights in the case before her as she went and pressed her palms to the glass.

“I’m sorry, Lucas,” the young woman addressed the attendant that was standing behind the counter with a chuckle. “She just gets so worked up whenever I bring her here.”

“ ‘Tis just fine, Miss Alice. There’s more than just her fingerprints on the case today, I promise,” he smiled in reply. “What can I get you ladies today?”

“Cookies!” The little girl giggled with delight.

Lucas burst with laughter. “Of course, m’dear, but what kind shall it be?”

The little one bit her bottom lip and put a finger to her cheek as she looked down at the carpet and then to Alice. She shrugged and replied, “I don’t know what I want today.”

“How about one with chocolate chips in it like they have here?” Alice crouched and pressed a finger to the glass over the small sign for the type of cookie. The little girl shook her head, her dirty blonde curls bouncing. “Hm… How about this one, Cassidy?” She moved her finger to hover over the molasses cookies shaped like flowers.

“Yes, I love those ones! How did you know?” Cassidy looked at Alice in amazement as if she were a mind reader.

Alice laughed and stood up. “Two molasses cookies then please, Lucas.”

The attendant slid the tray of dark brown cookies out from the back of the case and grabbed two with a piece of wax paper. Cassidy followed the cookies on their journey from the case to the white bag on the counter with expectant eyes. She tugged at the bottom of Alice’s rain jacket until the young woman finally looked at her, white bag in hand.

“What?” Alice remarked playfully, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m sorry is there something that you want?”

“Yes!” the young girl began to reach for the bag.

Alice lifted it out of her reach. “Not until we sit down, dear. You know the rules.”

Cassidy sighed and, slumped over, made her way to the small tables on the other side of the bakery. Alice winked at Lucas and smiled as she followed close behind the girl. Many of the places were already taken, but Cassidy hopped up into a seat at one of the only vacant tables next to a window.

Alice sat down opposite of her and produced from the bag one of the cookies. It was only a split second before the girl snatched the cookie from her hand and took a bite off one of the petals. She chewed with a innocent, happy-to-have-a-cookie smile and kicked her rainboot clad feet back and forth excitedly in the air below her chair. Still with a smile on her own face, Alice took her cookie from the bag, began to eat it, and looked out the window to watch the rain as it hit the sidewalk.

The whole exchange was watched by a young man sitting a few tables over against a wall. He had a notepad and a cup of coffee in front of him, a pen behind his ear, and a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. She looked the same to him, even after the handful of years that he hadn’t seen or heard from her. The same blue-green eyes and dark auburn hair. It was shorter now than it had been, up to her shoulders instead of falling over them, but still, it was her. His Alice. She looked happier than he remembered as well. Of course, the circumstances then were not the best. Perhaps this little girl sitting across from her was her little one? She did, after all, have her eyes he noticed. She also had the same shade of fair skin. The only question then was who her father was. She must be married by now, he thought. She wouldn’t just have a baby with someone and not be married to him. It’s not in her nature, but my God, this little girl is nearly four years old. He prayed that she wouldn’t look his way, wouldn’t notice him. It had been so long since they last spoke, surely he could… no. He would not interrupt the scene before him today. Another day perhaps, if he saw her again.

He looked at his watch and noticed that he must get going. Gathering his black jacket from the back of his chair, he slid the small notebook and pen into his front pocket before picking up his coffee and exiting the bakery. He had never cared much if it was raining, it didn’t bother him any. His jacket had no hood and his dark brown hair caught the rain as he took his first few steps outside. As he walked past the window where Alice and Cassidy were sitting, he took one more opportunity to take a look at her. A quick glance, but that was enough for him. He turned his head, and couldn’t help but notice the small smirk on her face and her eyes moving away from the window. Had she seen him? Did she recognize him?

Turning away quickly and ducking his head down, he walked back to his car around the corner wondering what words he should have said to her. There was really nothing he could say right now, he decided. As he got in his car and began to drive away, he saw the pair exit the bakery and the little girl began to jump into the puddles on the sidewalk. He could see the laughter through Alice’s smile although he could not hear it over the radio, but decided to put the sound echoing through his mind out of his head as he went on his way.

He arrived at a daycare only twenty minutes later, and parked in one of the spaces of the lot. Taking his keys out of the ignition, he got out of the car and headed inside. He was extended greetings by the staff as he made his way to the room where he had dropped his son off earlier in the day.
“Jameson, how are you?” Nancy, one of the older caretakers, asked.

Jameson enveloped her in a hug as he hadn’t seen her in a while and she definitely hadn’t been there that morning otherwise he would have noticed. “I’m doing just fine, Nan. How are you?” he smiled at her.

“Fine, fine,” she replied. “It’s been a pretty hectic day around here what with all the rain and the kids want to go outside all the time and jump in puddles.”

He laughed, “Of course they do! They’re looking for the idea that’s going to wind up getting them the messiest.”

A moment after, Jameson felt a pair of arms grab onto his leg. “Daddy!” said the small voice.

“Ty!” Jameson picked up his son and flipped him upside down. He held Tyler up by his legs using one arm up to keep him in place against his chest and the other to grab his arm that was flailing out wildly. “How was your day, kiddo?”

“Dad,” he whined. “put me down!”

His father laughed, causing Tyler to shake a bit from the movement, “Answer the question, silly.”

“It was good!” Ty said through fits of giggles.

“Good,” said Jameson, righting the boy midair. “I’m glad.”

He put him back on the ground, feet first, and crouched down to be eye level with him. “Now,” he began. “Where are you things? Your jacket? Your lunchbox?”

The boy smiled and ran off, “I’ll get them!” he stopped abruptly and turned to face his father. “We’re going straight home, right?” he asked, completely serious.

“Of course! Where else would we be going?” Jameson replied.

Tyler grinned and ran to go get his things. As he did so, Jameson turned back to Nancy, “He’s getting so big now. I can’t believe how the time has flown by.” she remarked.

“I can’t believe it either,” he replied wistfully.

He couldn’t help it. When people brought up how big or how old Tyler was getting to be, he thought of his passed wife. It had already been two years, and still, it felt as if it were yesterday that everything had happened whenever he thought of it. Most people reminded him that she wouldn’t have wanted him to be upset for so long and he always replied with affirmatives of how he knows and how he’d be fine. More times than he’d like to admit, he wanted to tell people that although she never wanted him to be upset, he knew that she would have known it was bound to happen. It was just the way he dealt with things like this.

Nancy noticed his staring off into the middle distance and called him back into reality with a touch on his arm. “You know, it’s always going to be this hard,” she said. “You just figure out new ways to deal with it, and that’s what makes it okay in the end.”

Jameson returned her statement with a small, grateful smile and a pat on her hand as he tried to push these thoughts further back into his mind. Tyler returned with his sweatshirt and his backpack with a skip in his step and a smile on his face.

“And why are you so happy this afternoon?” Jameson smiled at him.

Tyler hopped and came to a halt in front of his father, “Because you promised to make mac ‘n’ cheese tonight for supper, and it’s going to be awesome!”

He laughed, “So I did! I’m glad you reminded me. Come along then, Ty, let’s get going,” he hoisted the boy up onto his shoulders and nodded to Nancy. “Thank you, Nan.”

She replied with a smile and watched as the duo left and Jameson ducked under doorways to get outside. He secured Tyler in the car and drove them both home while his son recounted the day’s happenings and the desire that he and the other kids had to go outside that day even though it was raining. He found joy in his son’s stories and they chased the earlier thoughts of his love out of his
mind for the time being.



Alice knew she had seen him today. Jameson. It had been about five years since she had last heard from him. They hadn’t left things in the best shape after they had separated. Since his reappearance earlier that afternoon, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. She was filled with wonderings of what his life was like now that all this time had passed between them. Had he found someone else? Was he married? The affirmative answer seemed most likely. Alice had put him far from her mind over the years, and thankfully, recalling the details of their relationship and split no longer stung as bad as they once had.

“Alice? You okay?” her sister, Nicole, asked.

She hadn’t noticed she’d been staring at the carpet in the living room for more than fifteen minutes while she was lost in thought. “Of course. I’m sorry. What’s up?”

“Nothing, you just seemed to be deep in thought about something that you didn’t like very much. I was worried. You need to talk about anything?” Nicole offered her a sympathetic look and sat down next to her.

“Yeah, Auntie Alice, I’m here to listen too!” Cassidy climbed into her mother’s lap having changed into pajamas for the evening.

Nicole laughed, “I don’t think so, little one. You need to go to bed. Remember, Daddy will be home in the morning!”

“Daddy’s coming home in the morning?” her daughter asked excitedly. “Yes!”

The two sisters laughed at the happiness written upon the little girl’s face. After Nicole had returned from putting Cassidy to bed, she sat on the couch again and curled her legs up under her facing her sister. “Now, tell me what’s got you so lost.”

Alice recounted the day’s encounter with an old friend when she and Cassidy had gone to the bakery. She didn’t know whether he meant to look at her or not. She knew that Jameson knew exactly who she was, but she wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing her. She was worried that when she saw him in the bakery that that would be the last time she’d see him for another five years. It was saddening for her to think about the many times where she had tried to pick up the phone to call him after her anger had died away, and had decided against it. They had gone all this time without talking and now, on the very first day in years that they had seen each other, they simply passed by each other like they were strangers who thought someone looked familiar. Alice told her sister that she hoped that someday in the near future she’d get the courage to talk to him again. They had been so close, even before they were together, and she wanted to get back to that.

Jameson put Tyler to bed and sat down to a pad of paper on his desk and a pen in his hand. There was so much he wanted to tell her. He wanted her to know how much had passed since they last spoke and how sorry he felt that they had left things they way they did. It was unfair to her, and was his fault that they hadn’t spoken in so long. After he had received a job states away on the West Coast, he asked her to come with him. She had refused his offer on account of the fact that there was too much for her here where she had been raised and that they were not ready for such a commitment. She needed to take care of her family and finish her education, he remembered. He had understood, but was obstinate and hurt. He decided it was better to fight for the life he wanted instead of giving up. The whole ordeal ended roughly. Many verbal disputes and their paths veering in different directions had caused the split. He wanted to make things right.

He wanted her to know that he was happy for her. For her new life. He assumed that Cassidy was her child and she had found someone else to love her, and he wanted to tell her that was okay with him. He could accept her believing that was the truth and he would believe it himself sooner or later. So there he sat, waiting for the right words to come to him. Two hours went by and finally he came up with what he thought she deserved for a letter. He poured his thoughts out to the best of his ability, and finally, there they were. He folded the paper, sealed it in an envelope with her name on it, and hoped he’d see her again and have the courage to give it to her. It was only fair that she know, one way or another. He owed her that much for leaving the way he did. For not talking to her for years and then just randomly staring at her in the bakery without even an explanation for his actions. He folded the envelope in half and stuck it in the pocket of his damp jacket where it would stay for another week.



Jameson and Tyler sat in the busy bakery the next week after he had written the letter. Unlike the last time though, the sky was clear and the sun was bright. They had chosen the same table that the father sat in the week previous and were enjoying some donuts together. The bell over the door rang and in walked Alice without the little girl that he had seen last week hanging onto her hand. She smiled at the attendant and asked for some cookies from the glass case. After she sat down by the window with her goods, she pulled out a book for herself. She didn’t get more than five pages farther into the book when the bell chimed again and a little girl ran up to her and hugged her followed by another young woman, a little older than he and Alice. He watched as they interacted with one another until he had what he thought was a brilliant idea.

“Hey, Ty,” Jameson said to the boy. “Why don’t you take this dollar and go get yourself a molasses cookie and split it with that little girl over there?” he pointed at the girl with the curls up near the case.

“Do I have to?” Tyler complained

His father smirked, “Yes, you have to.”

Tyler grabbed the dollar and ran up to the counter, zig-zagging through the tables and asked for a molasses cookie. His father watched as he got the cookie and split it in half. Tyler then proceeded to introduce himself to the little girl and say that his dad had told him to share this cookie with her. The little girl smiled at him and thanked him quietly and then asked if he wanted to meet her aunt and they went over to talk to Alice. When the girl recounted the story to her, she looked around to see who Tyler’s father was when he pointed off to his right - right at Jameson. Alice’s eyes locked with his and he raised his hand in a small greeting. She returned his wave with a smile and beckoned for him to come over. He grabbed his things off of the table and sat himself down across from her.

“So, Tyler’s your… kid?” Alice asked skeptically.

Jameson nodded. “Yep, and what about…?”

“Not mine. My sister’s. Her name is Cassidy,” she replied.

“Really?” He couldn’t mask all of the excitement in his voice.

She laughed, “Yeah. She’s cute and all, but she’s not mine.”

Jameson looked at her for a few moments as Alice watched the two kids talk to each other at a table with Nicole. “You know,” he began. “I never said the most important thing in this conversation.”

“Oh really? And what is that?”

“Hello.” he looked at her with a slight smile.

She chuckled, “Hello.”