The Other Side

I was back in high school when
We were talking late from 10
Staying up till 3 AM
Just friends

Starting my junior year was bound to be hell. I was the pale awkward boy who didn’t talk to anyone but my small group of friends. I remember my only reason for my excitement in school was because of the boy I had a small crush on. Yes, you Victor Fuentes. Just seeing you smile was enough to give me heart palpitations. I remember my first day talking to you. The beautiful brown-haired, tanned boy. I was just a junior, you were a senior. Somehow I got lucky and was placed in several classes with you. One being my favorite class, which is music. We were paired up in english for a project, making me happier then ever. I just hoped I didn’t make myself look like a loser around you. I remembered how angelic your voice sounded when you first spoke to me.

“Hi Kellin, I’m Vic.” you told me, introducing yourself with the brightest smile ever.

“Hey Vic.” I smiled at you, trying to calm down my heartbeat.

“Alright so that’s over and done with, so why don’t we start planning this project huh?” you gushed out. I nodded and smiled at you, turning my gaze to the paper. Once class was over, you gave me your number and told me to text you later. Later that night, I stared at my phone for hours. Finally gaining enough confidence to text you.

From that day on, we texted everyday, talked in school, and had stupid sleepovers like girls would. We would stay up late on the phone and you would be there when I needed you. Vice versa. But I know for sure, I’m the only one who felt butterflies whenever we talked.

You didn't have your license yet
We would lie under sunsets
Without a single worry yet
Just friends

I remember that time you risked getting in trouble with the law, just to make me smile. I remember feeling the rush of adrenaline flow in my blood, the way it made my heart almost jump out of my chest. Or maybe that was just the sight of you smiling as the wind pushed your curls behind you. You picked up in your dads car after I called you crying in the middle of the night. I didn’t realize it once I got into the car but you didn’t have a license yet. Not that you couldn’t qualify for one, you were just too lazy. It was still dark out, the streetlights giving us an idea of where we were. I remember asking you where you were taking me, but you didn’t respond. I remember waking up in the car, your eyes still on the road. We weren’t in the place we called home anymore. I tore my gaze to the windshield, looking at the deserted field that we were driving in. The small dirt road slowly coming to an end.

“Why’d you bring me here Vic?” I asked you in awe. The field was absolutely beautiful. The green grass shining under the sun which was now slowly falling down the sky. The calm breeze that made all my worries go away.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” You ask me, ignoring my question. I just nod, walking forward. You call out that you’ll be right back, that you’re going to the car to get something. Before I can object, you’re already gone. Now the fear hits me as the thought of being left alone. Of course, my fear washed away when I see you in the distance. You’re holding a bunch of blankets and pillows in your hands as you rushes over to me. You lay them down on the floor, plopping down on it once you’re done. “Lay down with me.” You pout, causing me to giggle but do as you wanted. Once my back hit the blankets, I was pulled into your chest. Not that I wasn’t complaining or anything but, you’re never this...content. I didn’t push away though, I just curled myself into your side, resting my head on your chest, listening to your steady heartbeat.

“Thank you Vic, for all of this.” I told you. Inhaling the familiar scent that radiated off of your body. You didn’t have a particular smell, you just smelled like Vic. Except for those rare days that you smelled like vanilla, and I swear those on those days my nose goes to heaven.

“No problem Kells, you know I’ll do anything just to see you smile.” You said sheepishly, kissing the tip of my nose. I scrunched up my face, causing him to let out a small chuckle. “You’re adorable.” you yawned. I blushed, hiding my face in the crook of your neck. It wasn’t until the sun finally set, that I found myself falling asleep. Finally happy for once. I can’t help but dream about how perfect this would be if we were together.

And you would let me cut your hair
I thought about you everywhere
I haven't been the same since then
Just friends

I remember the first time we got drunk. Well my first time. Your parents were out of town and Mike was out with his girlfriend Alysha. It was just us two alone, watching scary movies on the couch. I remember hating you for about two minutes for picking the movies, since you knew damn well I hated them. It was about half way into a bloody scene, murders happening every second. You paused the movie and turned to me. “Hey, you thirsty?” You asked me, getting up from the couch. I nod my head, not bothering to use my voice at the moment. It takes you awhile, but you soon return with a bottle of Vodka in your hand. You smirked at me, but I shook my head no. I was honestly terrified to drink any type of liquor substance. I was such an inexperienced loser compared to you. Yet I still don’t know why you put up with me. You kept on pleading, so I caved in. We took turns taking sip after sip. It burned my throat the first time it went down, then after it was just numb. I’ve grown accustomed to the liquid rushing down my throat. It was later in our drunk night when we decided to do some crazy activities. My eyes gazed over the living room, landing on a pair of scissors.

“Viccyyy, can I c-cut your hair?” I asked you with a small hiccup. You laughed as if it was the most hilarious thing in the world, but nodded anyways. I ran to the table and grabbed the scissors, then ran back to where you were sitting.

“Wait!” You yelled at me, scaring me shitless.

“What?” I ask quietly, afraid of being yelled at again.

“Nothing.” You said, laughing at your little ‘joke’. I muttered something along the lines of ‘I hate you’ but I’m pretty sure it just came out at gibberish. I took a little bottom half of your hair in the back into my hands, placing the scissors right beside it. With one snap of my fingers, your little strands of brown hair fell into my other hand. I squealed in excitement, not really knowing what I’m excited for. We laughed and laughed until the laughter slowed down. It was then when we just stared into each others eyes, slowly leaning forward. I could’ve sworn the feeling of your lips on mine was enough to sober me up. You soon pulled away, giggling like a little school girl. None of us said anything, we just smiled like idiots. You pulled me down onto the ground with you before snuggling into me. We fell asleep happily that day. Of course you didn’t remember the kiss when we woke up. When you saw the little pieces of your hair on the table where I placed it, you laughed. Your eyes widened in fear when you thought there was more that I took. You asked me if I remembered anything from last night. I wanted so badly to say that you took my kissing virginity from me, that I was in love with you. But I decided against it, not wanting to ruin our friendship. Last night was probably a drunken mistake. I knew you wouldn’t remember the kiss, but it still hurt regardless. you only see me as a friend. Just a friend.

Cause every time I ran
I ran to you
I meant it every time I said I loved you
I kiss the thought of you and I
I still regret the day that we said goodbye

You were my best friend, my everything. I couldn’t live without you. You were always there throughout the hard times of my life. You were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, when I needed someone to rant to, when I needed a release from life. You were my escape. I always told you I loved you, you replied with the same response. If only you meant it the way I did. But then school ended for us. Summer time was our last chance to be together before you were off to college. I silently hoped that you would stay in California for college, somewhere around the area. I just couldn’t seem to let you go. Yeah I had other friends, but you were my best friend. You were my first love, even if you didn’t know it. I remember the depressed feeling that grew on me once summer was ending. I remember how distant I started getting from you, even though it was so hard to stay away from you. You told me you got accepted into New York, some music college wanted you badly. They weren’t the only one that wanted you badly. I remember crying every night in my room, just the thought of you leaving me was enough to make me want to scratch my heart out. I couldn’t even sleep the night before, I was too busy helping you pack everything up. Gosh, how I wanted nothing more but to be crying in the comfort of my own room. The next morning, I helped you load the boxes into the car your parents bought you after you finally got your license. Once we were done, you said goodbye to everyone, leaving me for last.

“I’m going to miss you Kellin.” you told me, your eyes brimming with tears. That was enough to make me start crying again. I remember running into your arms, with your tight grip on my waist as we both cried.

“I’m going to miss you too Vic, so much. Please don’t forget about me.” I begged him. Inhaling your scent for what may be the last time. you quickly shook your head, pulling away from me to look me deeply in the eyes.

“I would never.” you told me sincerely, placing a kiss on my forehead. With one last hug, you walked to your car. Waving to everyone before driving off. That had to be the day where my life started to become a living hell. I wouldn’t smile anymore, I would barely talk. Mike became my only source of comfort. He knew everything after a drunken call for help. I poured my heart out to him, telling him how in love I was with you. Since that night, he’s become my only source of comfort. The only person I dared to talk to. I was a walking travesty.

And do you think of me at night
I still wish we could've made it right
But we can't say that we never tried
I guess everything seems more clear
Here on the other side

I wonder if you still think about me. If you remember your high school best friend. The one you stood up late with, drinking or just being stupid. The one you were with practically everyday. The one who cut your hair, the one who needed you the most. The one who was madly in love with you. I remember the late night texts we would share, you telling me how amazing college was, how much you loved it. I remember lying to you every time you asked how I was doing. Soon the texts stopped, but my feelings for you never went away. You didn’t visit at all, your family said you were ‘too busy’ with college. You didn’t text or call me anymore. Either you’ve forgotten about me, or you just didn’t care about the high school boy anymore. Everything was about college now. It just hurt even more, knowing that I couldn’t even get a text saying, hello.

I left you at the station where
I would cry and watch you stare
Out the window as you left
Just friends

I remember when you finally came home. You looked so different, but in a good way. A miracle happened, you came to visit me. You took me out of school early, certainly surprising me. We spent the whole day together. You told me about your college life, your new friends Jaime and Tony, the parties and everything. You made me feel like such a dork compared to you. I remember asking you about your phone, and why haven’t you been returning any of my messages.

“I lost my phone Kells, and I don’t really have the money to buy a new one.” You told me, bringing me into a hug. I just nodded, not saying anything else. We dismissed the topic, just enjoying each others company.

“When do you leave?” I asked you, hoping you would say never.

“Well, I um leave tomorrow.” you told me, quickly dropping your head to the ground.

“Wow, that’s great. I don’t get to see you for months and then you come back for two days. I don’t even get to talk to you anymore. My life has been hell without you. Then you walk back in only to leave once again.” I cried out, pushing myself up from the rock we were sitting on and away from you. I furiously wiped my eyes, hating myself for being such a baby around you. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, pulling me into a warm chest. I knew it was you, seeing as we were the only ones in the park at the time.

“I’m sorry Kellin. I really am, but there’s nothing I can do. I do miss you, I do wish I could take you with me, I wish I could text you everyday but I can’t. I want to visit every vacation, but I can’t. I know you need me right now but I can’t just drop everything like I used to.” you told me, wiping the remnants of my tears. I just nodded, mentally scolding myself for being so selfish.

I remember giving you my phone, so you could talk to me whenever you were free. You denied it at first, but accepted it when you realized that I wouldn’t leave you alone. We stood out until night rolled around, the sky turning a dark blue with the twinkling stars. We returned to your house, after you offered a sleepover like good old times. When morning came around, I watched you leave all over again. My heart breaking for another time. Again I felt the wave of regret wash over me. I wish I would’ve told you how much I loved you, how much I want you. But I couldn’t. We would never be anything but friends.

I called you from a payphone. I'm
Out of the country but I'm fine
I just miss you all the time
Just friends

I remember the time I went on vacation that winter break. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I completely lost it. I ran out of my parents hotel room, out of the hotel and into the streets. I ran to the nearest payphone, dialing your number. You picked up immediately, somehow knowing it was me.

“Kells, what happened? Are you okay?” You asked me in a panic tone. I couldn’t speak, the words not coming out of my mouth.

“V-Vic.” I breathe out heavily, trying to catch my breath.

“Kellin, what happened?” You asked me, and finally I was able to answer you.

“I don’t know. I just lost it, and ran out of the hotel room. I didn’t even bother to put on shoes.” I said, forcing out a laugh. You didn’t find it funny though.

“Where are you now?” You asked me, receiving a sniffle in response. I didn’t even realize I was crying. “Kells?”

“I’m outside.” I say, wiping my face with my pajama sleeve.

“Kellin, you need to go back inside before you get sick or something bad happens. Go get some rest and call me tomorrow, okay?” You ordered me, but I didn’t want to hang up.

“I miss you Vic.” I cried into the phone, ignoring the stares I got from people on the street. But you never answered, because the call was disconnected. I groaned in frustration, heading back up to my hotel room. Luckily for me, I left it open. When did my life get so complicated?

Cause every time I ran
I ran to you
I meant it every time I said I loved you
I kiss the thought of you and I
I still regret the day that we said goodbye

And do you think of me at night
I still wish we could've made it right
But we can't say that we never tried
I guess everything seems more clear
Here on the other side
Here on the other side

You were my best friend, you were my everything. But you didn’t bother contacting me anymore. I honestly never stopped trying. I always asked Mike about you, but he told me that you were going through some stuff, to not think about it too much. But of course, I couldn’t help myself. I was getting worse without you. Day by day I felt myself growing weaker and weaker. I’ve learned to push myself away from everyone because soon they’d leave me too. It’s life and their decisions are something I can’t control.

And there were so many things
I wanted to say
But I was a mess
And you moved away
And I think of all the times that you were right
I wish I could explain

School was over for me now, and I haven’t seen or heard a word from you since then. It’s safe to say that you’ve fully forgotten about me. It’s okay, I’ve learned to live with the constant rejection. I don’t bother contacting you anymore either. Mike comes to see me sometimes, but I don’t entertain him that much. He can see how badly I’m falling apart. But I don’t think he cares enough to say anything, no one cares anymore. It’s okay though, because I don’t either. I regret never telling you how I felt when I had the chance, maybe I wouldn’t be the same way I am or maybe I would’ve been worse. I heard you decided to stay in New York. I’m happy for you, you’re finally getting your life on track. I don’t think I can think of anyone who deserves it more than you do. I’m just glad you’re doing good. I wish I could say the same thing for myself. I’ve tried to move on from you, but I just can’t explain why I can’t. I’m going to try and get on with my life though. I’ll be going to college soon, so maybe things will get better. But I will always regret never sharing my love for you. But I will always remember our first kiss, my only kiss. Even though we were both shit-faced drunk.

Cause every time I ran
I ran to you
I meant it every time I said I loved you
I kiss the thought of you and I
I still regret the day that we said goodbye

And do you think of me at night
I still wish we could've made it right
You can't say that I never tried
You can't say that I never tried

Cause every time I ran
I ran to you
I meant it every time I said I loved you
I kiss the thought of you and I
I still regret the day that we said goodbye

And do you think of me at night
I still wish we could've made it right
But we can't say that we never tried
I guess everything seems more clear
Here on the other side

Life’s okay now, but I still miss you dearly. Mike and I remained friends and he managed to steal your job. I can see how you two are alike, it sucks because it makes me miss you more. I tried dating, but I always ended it. No one could be you. I know I have to let that feeling go sometime but I will after I tell you my feelings. I hope you got my letter, the one where I told you I loved you more than life itself. The one where I told you how shitty your absence made me, but that I’m somehow managing to stay sane. It was officially when you left that I realized why I was miserable. I needed you. I depended on you for so much. Before you came into my life, I was a quiet awkward kid who talked to about three people. But you changed me. I became more open to you and Mike, I became happy. I could smile without a care in the world. You were the reason I lived to see the next day. I do miss you, but I think I can manage life without you now. You still have all of my heart Vic. That will never change.

And if you're wondering
I'm great
I'm stronger now but still
The same
My love for you it will
Remain
My friend

I was finally independent, I got into a good college, got a job and I got my own apartment. I was still a walking travesty, but I was good. I remember the day you came into my life once again. It was the middle of the night and you were banging on my door. I didn’t know it was you until I heard you scream my name. I wondered how you got my new address, then assumed Mike gave it to you. I slowly walked over to you, it was so hard for me to believe it was you, it’s like everything was a dream.

“Kellin, I got your letter.” you stated simply. I just stood there in silence. I didn’t know what to say, how would I react to this?

“Kellin, I love you too. I have for so long, but I never wanted to ruin our friendship. I couldn’t text or call you because of my relationship. I didn’t want to be with him, but I was trying to forget about you. I was trying to be happy, but I couldn’t be happy with him. You’re my happiness. I’m sorry for leaving you and not texting you. Mike told me how you were and I felt like complete shit. Kellin Quinn, I love you so much. Please tell me you still love me.” You pleaded. Your eyes begged for me to speak, but I couldn’t.

“Vic.” I finally speak. “I don’t know how to respond to this. You leave my life forever to randomly walk back into my life. You put me through hell and back, you made me miserable. I couldn’t even look at Mike because he reminded too much of you. I depended on you way more than I should’ve but could you blame me? You were the light in my dark life. I don’t blame you for leaving to pursue your dream, but I couldn’t even get a text saying hello. You were my first love, my first kiss even though you don’t remember it. You were my everything Vic, how could you expect to just act like everythings okay when you fully left my life without a goodbye.” I ranted, noticing the tears running down my face. You walked towards me, but I made no effort to move.

“Kells, I’m so sorry. I didn’t me-” But I cut you off with my lips. Something I’ve been wanting to do for the longest. Of course you kissed back, but it didn’t last long until I pulled away.

“But throughout all of that, my love for you remained the same.” I told you, kissing you once again. It’s a feeling I don’t think I could ever get tired of.

“Please be mine Kellin?” You asked me.

“Okay.” I told you, pulling you upstairs into my room. We fell asleep that night, cuddled together like old times. I don’t think things could get better at this point. I have you back in my life, and I’m happy.

I guess everything is more clear on the other side.