An Idiot’s Guide to Not Falling in Love with Your Best Friend’s Girlfriend

“You done yet?!” Michael pounded several times on the bathroom door before wrenching the handle back and forth.

“Can you hold the fuck on?!” I shouted from the other side. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I played with my hair until it looked sort of presentable.

The stupid double date was tonight and I wasn’t really looking forward to it. The last thing I wanted to do was watch Calum tongue his hot girlfriend while I had to pretend like I was interested in her less attractive, golem-like friend. I hadn't actually seen her yet, but had a feeling.

“It’s going to be fine, don’t stress it.” Calum’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“I’m not stressing,” I left the bathroom and pushed past the two of them, “I just don’t want to do
this.”

***

“Her name is Claire, she’s really nice.”

“Whatever, dude.”

The restaurant Calum had chosen was about a ten minute walk away from our house, so we had decided to meet the girls there. They were late, so we sat awkwardly at a candlelit dining table just staring at each other.

“Can you please be cool? You’ve had a bug up your ass for several days now. If you hate her, it’s just one night.”

“I know, yeah, sorry. I’ll give her chance.”

“She might be really great for you. She’s Mae’s best friend and look how great Mae is.”

I resisted an eye roll, of course I knew how great Mae was. Speaking of Mae, she materialized in front of the table looking like the daughter of Greek Gods. This is such bullshit. Calum sucks. Why does he get a girl this attractive?

“Hey babe! Hey Luke! How are you boys tonight?”

Her voice was as soft and smooth as the sleek black velvet dress she wore. Her hair was curled into soft ringlets and I pictured throwing the contents of the table to the ground and her to the table, messing her perfects ringlets and tearing the velvet to get to her.

“Luke, this is Claire.” Mae introduced me to the girl that Calum thought would be ‘really great for me’ and I found myself not very into it.

She had dark brown eyes and dark blonde hair, a similar color to mine, that fell pin straight to her shoulders. The dress she wore was white and floor length, accented with an almost too bright red lipstick.

“Good to meet you Luke,” her voice had a seductive edge to one, one that almost sounded like she was trying just a bit too hard.

“Nice to meet you as well,” I shot her a smile and put on my best behavior for the night.

I almost felt bad seeing the two of them standing next to each other. Claire was pretty, but she couldn’t touch Mae. It was like comparing a gold medal with a bronze. Sure, both are nice, but one is just so, so much better than the other.

***

“I’ve always thought it would be so great to be a musician. I can only imagine how it feels to have tons of people throwing themselves at you and treating you like a king.”

We had been at the restaurant for about an hour, finished our meals, had several drinks and Claire hadn’t stopped talking. From the moment she took her seat next to me, she opened her mouth to speak and never fucking shut it.

We had gone through her childhood and her love of small puppies and expensive shoes and now we were on the topic of how she would love to be catered to every single second of her life. No one, not even the other couple that happened to be with us, was able to get a word in.

What the fuck were Calum and Mae thinking? I didn’t realize they both hated me so intensely. I glared across the table at Cal and then turned my attention to his beauty queen of a girlfriend sitting next to him.

“I’m so sorry,” she mouthed and the look on her face appeared apologetic. I could think of several ways she could make it up to me.

“Hey, why don’t we get out of here? I’ve got to work in the morning and I know you do too, right Claire?”

“Ah yes, yeah I do. What a shame, I’m having such a great time!” She was so enthusiastic and I felt extreme embarrassment for her because she obviously had no idea she had pretty much ruined the evening.

“Cal, why don’t you drive Claire back to her apartment? Luke and I will walk back to your place and we’ll see you there?” Mae made a suggestion that would involve the two of us to be alone and I began to sweat.

“Sure, not a problem.” He tried his best not to show irritation but it wasn’t lost on Mae or myself.

We paid the check and exited the restaurant into the chilly summer evening. Mae gave Calum directions, kissed him goodbye and hugged Claire before they went to her car. I gave Claire a hug as well, but didn’t bother asking for her number. I wasn’t interested.

Mae and I walked a few feet apart in silence for several minutes before she spoke.

“Oh my god, Luke, I am so fucking sorry! I didn’t realize she was going to do that. She’s never that way, I swear!”

She waved her hands around frantically and I chuckled at how adorable she was. I couldn’t help but she when she pulled her curls up into a messy bun on top of her head. She caught me, but was kind enough not to say anything, probably assuming I’d dealt with enough that night.

“It’s fine, just don’t go give her my number or tell her I want to see her again. And don’t set me up with anyone else!”

“Yeah, you’re cute, you can find someone on your own I’m sure.” It was her turn to laugh, and it was the cutest thing I’d ever heard. “I’m really sorry Luke. I didn’t think she’d be so annoying. I’ll take you out to lunch or something to make up for it. I like to pride myself on being a good matchmaker but I fucked this one up royally.”

“Uh, yeah, you definitely did.”

We spent the rest of the walk just casually chatting about random stuff, something Claire was unaware of how to do, and it was nice. I felt very at ease around her, even though she was so good looking, because her personality was laidback and sarcastic and funny.

Michael and Ashton were playing video games when we got back to the house.

“What the fuck? I’m pretty sure that’s Calum’s girlfriend and you are way too tall and blonde to be Calum.”

“He took home my nightmare of a date.” Mae hit my shoulder lightly, “She was!”

“She was that bad?” Michael asked, not bothering to look away from the TV. “Was she hot?”

“Careful, Hemmings.” Mae warned.

“Eh,” I turned my attention to Mae, “don’t tell her that! Tell her I had a great time and that she’s very nice and gently break it to her that I never want to see her annoying ass again.” I winked at her and ran upstairs.

Kicking off my shoes and falling into bed, I wanted to do nothing but forget this night ever happened. Between my self-centered date and Calum’s smokin’ hot girlfriend, it was definitely a rough one.

“Luke?”

The door slowly opened and Mae came in, she had change from her dress into a pair of Calum’s sweats and a t-shirt. She sat down on the bed next to me and a kind of tension filled the room that hadn’t been there when we had walked home. She leaned down and the scent of vanilla shampoo invaded my space, not that I minded.

Her warm lips brushed my cheek and I felt a twinge in the lower part of my body but also another feeling I wasn’t sure I had ever experienced in my chest.

“Thank you for being nice to Claire and buying her meal when it was probably the last thing you wanted to spend money on. You are quite a gentleman, Luke, no matter what Cal says about you. Goodnight.”

She winked playfully and left the room. The bed shifted as she got up and with the loss of her presence, the room seemed to get a little colder. My fingers went up to my cheek and grazed the spot her lips had touched. It was random, and she certainly didn’t have to do that, but it was nice. Though I wanted too, badly, I chose not to read into it. The act seemed like something she would do. Kindness, a Mae personality trait I suppose.

The feeling in pit of my stomach I knew quit well, but the one in my chest was new and somewhat exciting. I fell asleep to the thought of vanilla shampoo, velvet dresses, and soft lips.